Originally Posted By langerr
If you write an intelligent, one paragraph request giving your experience level, what type of session you're looking for, and your name on a couple of BDSM boards (FetLife and Maxfisch are good), it's not clear to me that references matter all that much. In recent years I've been including Domme's names, email addresses and their sites as references. You may skate by without an actual reference reply.


Intelligence and public accounts are great but don't equal a legit pro vouching for you.

I have had some guys who act like just their "word" that they're safe to play with should be good enough.

Let me tell you guys something: sociopaths can be the most intelligent, charismatic, well-connected people who may be very polite in conversation and pay their deposits promptly. Then, when they have you in a room alone, they assault you. Or they end up being a stalker who terrifies you -- or even your clients.

If you want to be safe in this industry, you have to be smart. Some Dommes will take safety risks see anyone with cash. Some Dommes are aware of the risks they take, some aren't.

I'm always wary of guys who act like providing a reference is a bother or a deal-breaker or try to get around it somehow. I see that as a red flag.