Pegged,

I wiuld like to try to help. I agree that requesting first Sessions and hitting the correct balance between communicating what you want & enjoy vs it seeming like you are handing them a script to follow can be difficult. Especially when talking about past experiences.

One thing I learned from filling out Mistress Ultra Violet's application years ago (and have used with many Dommes since then) is to not only communcate activities but also something about demeanor/attitude. Saying I want you to act this way or that to a Domme can definitely come across as topping, but stating it in the following way has been very successful for me:

"I prefer intensity, connectivity and intimacy between myself and a Domme when I am in her control but from an attitude perspective I want you to have fun and enjoy everything you are doing while being totally aggressive and somewhat evil in your play choices (whether sensual or sadistic)."

This particular description may not resonate with what you enjoy in session, but I hope it can be an example to build from. It gives a Domme room to be in control of everything while still communicating how to push my buttons in a way that will make it so I truly enjoy my session.

As for activities and limits, I essentially give bullet points rather than going into details... and I make sure to say that I don't expect to hit everything on my list but want to just give them knowledge. When a Domme wants more (or before we start on the day), I can fill in as many details as they wish.

My experience is that the best Dommes intuit what things go well with each other, and truly turn me on, based on that information. Plus, they end up teaching me and delivering an experience that I didn't even know I craved because I gave them that room.

It can backfire into a crappy session if the Domme just isn't that good, or if we are just incompatible, but that is where I trust my own research and intuition in choosing who to see in the first place. Hopefully these ideas help you in some ways and don't come across as arrogantly telling you how to do things... I am only trying to respond to you stating that sometimes you have issues in first encounters and I have been very successful in my own approach to that.