For a long time, it was my thing. If you get beaten in the right way, you will zone out in a very real way (something definitely happens, it's not just a feeling), and it's kind of powerful. It's also almost like a drug experience.

I found, ironically, that it was easier for me to find this with younger and less experienced women than it was with the older and more famous women. My best corporal sessions were long and had very slow build ups -- I think they required a great deal of athleticism on the part of the woman.

So, the sessions that were most powerful for me involved 30 or 40 minutes of continuous beating, which started out kind of mildly, and became quite deep and powerful. But who can do that? I mean, now I can't imagine how much work that must have been.

Later on I would see women who would give me 10 cane strokes -- but they were all super, super intense. Like, the first one was so hard you can barely take it. That's intense for different reasons, and I'm not saying it's not worth doing. But it's a different thing than that old dissociative experience was.

Later on, I was seeing someone personally who could be very hard core. And she would just beat the fuck out of me. She'd cut me with razor blades and spray alcohol on it, and shock me, etc. And one day, when I was driving up to her dungeon, I just started shaking and hyper ventilating. And that was it for me -- I couldn't do it any more. It's been decades since then, and I just can't do it.

I've taken a few corporal sessions -- mostly those types of caning sessions I describe above, ten strokes without warm up, that are all very hard -- and while I have gotten through them, they didn't really work for me any more.

After a while of being really adrift, I ended up pulling back from in person sessions, and doing online stuff, and eventually falling into findom. It really changed things for me.

Before, I was seeing people face to face, and doing intense things, and having extreme experiences -- it was sort of akin to the experiments I had done with psychedelics, in my own mind. Like, I was this boring guy, but I would go out and have these intense adventures in those two areas. And I really liked and admired the women I knew in the scene. I had many friends in the professional community.

Afterward, it was all sort of isolating and online. I wasn't doing anything real, intense or otherwise. It was just sort of straight ahead self harm (financial self harm). I didn't know most of the women I was interacting with, and honestly, I don't know that I would like them if I did. (I ended up trying to find women I liked to do this with, and did, so if anyone reads this, I'm not talking about you!)

So, for me, the corporal stuff was kind of the real deal. But I think it either works for you or it doesn't. I very much see it as part of my past, not something I'm likely to do very much of moving forward.