Actually you just pointed out how I felt when I first started in S&M. While I loved S&M I used want to be normal and not need the fetish. No matter how long I try to say away from it as soon as I saw something S&M related I got excited. After talking to a Domme about it she told me “you found something you love embrace it most people go their whole life without loving something so much”. It’s awesome for those that can live it proudly.