It's so interesting that you posted this because I was going to elaborate on similar thoughts on the "busting through limits" thread (which is maybe over at MF -- hard to keep track these days).

I'm a bit like you in that I used to be enthusiastic about face-to-face but now session very infrequently. It's been over a year. I have done phone/online, though, which has had a strong findom component -- and this after being in the past quite negative and judgmental about that scene. My thing is that I only talk to one woman, and she's not someone who has a clipstore or anything. She has a strong specialty in findom but it's not the only thing she does. And IRL she does play in the lifestyle. Recently we did a multi-day session that drifted into TPE and involved heavier findom than I have ever done. It was definitely a heavier, more intense mindfuck than I've ever experienced in a one to two hour session face to face. I would say now that if I'm in a submissive frame of mind I feel the draw much more to that kind of scene than a face to face one, and, like you, I'm not sure that's a positive thing. In fact, after my recent experience I vowed to try to do an in-person session next -- however long from now that may be.

I think aging and changes in the NY scene have something to do with it. I'm often hesitant to book in advance just because I'm not sure what my mood and energy levels will be like on the day. I'm not so into meeting new dommes (maybe a bit of social anxiety there too). I'm less drawn to dommes much younger than me, which rules out so many new dommes. And I think my interest in taking pain has kind of plummeted. But it's also true that the mental manipulation taking place in an online findom scene has a kind of crack cocaine element to it, combining as it does the various compulsions that have arisen in the digital age with all the traditional power exchange dynamics.

So I guess I'm in between the two poles you wrote about. My online findom play is very personal and with someone I have played with in some form (all online/phone) for years. The session I just wrote about ended with a couple of hours of conversational aftercare (off the clock). It's far from the kind of anonymous tributing that you see on Twitter. As for that kind of findom play -- binging on clips, anonymous tributing, being a kind of fan -- I do agree with you that at this point it's its own thing, quite divorced from traditional SM.