As someone who aspires to one day be in a personal D/s relationship with a Mistress, your post piqued my interest on multiple levels. A FemDom relationship should be, I think, a source of peace and comfort to both parties. Maybe I'm trying to read your mind a little too much, but it seems D/s is becoming an unsettling presence in your life.

Here are just a few of my thoughts:

1) You may have too many "irons on the fire" right now. You mentioned that you were in personal service to one Mistress and flew cross country to session with another. That has to be taking a toll on your mental and physical well being. I can understand the desire to "play the field" and play with multiple dommes to get more experience in the lifestyle. But you're placing yourself in danger of serious burnout.

2) You were frank and forthcoming regarding your recent "crash." Have you shared this with the Mistress you serve? If she's responsible, she'll listen to you and help you work through this. I would hope that a wise domme would realize that the mental and physical well being of her submissives is essential to healthy service.

3) Take a look at the non-BDSM aspects of your life. How are you doing with self-care? Sleep? Exercise? Diet? Hobbies? Get out and smell the roses every now and then. And no, binge watching RomComs won't do the trick. Get out into the sun.

When I first got into the Scene almost 18 years ago, I went too far too fast. I ended up going "cold turkey" and exiting the lifestyle for almost a year and a half. Thanks to some very compassionate, wonderful Mistresses I was able to make a re-entry.

You make a lot of wonderful contributions to the lifestyle (e.g. your yeoman's work on Mistress travel schedules, thoughtful posts, etc.), and trust me when I say I want to see you keep up a robust and active presence in the lifestyle. But you can't do that if you allow yourself to get run into the ground.

And if you feel you're being guilt tripped or pressured by a Mistress into maintaining a too frenetic pace, it may be time to reconsider whom you're serving.

Let us know how things develop. Take care.