Originally Posted By Mistress Ayn
On another topic . . . your and My idea of topping from the bottom is very different. I don't consider begging to be topping from the bottom. In many ways, it's a sign that I have been effective in getting a sub to a weakened state. In the scene you describe, when you said "mercy", that was spontaneous and would have excited Me greatly.


Mistress Ayn,

I actually didn't consider the use of the term "mercy" when I did it to be topping from the bottom. I definitely said it as communication to the Domme because I knew she wouldn't have expected that what she had done would have put me so close since it certainly wasn't the first time I had been under her like that (and based on her reaction I was right), but the stream just hit the exact right spot in the exact right way at the exact right moment.

I am also not sure our actual definitions of Topping from the bottom are so very different. But, I am not talking about what that generic definition is, rather I am talking about what is going on in my headspace during a session and that may not be outwardly apparent to the Domme since my approach is not standard for most clients.

In that headspace, any action that I take that may in some way affect the activities of the Domme is down that path and that path leads to my Dom side entering the equation (which I want nothing to do with when I am submitting). Begging for mercy as part of the activity to stop or effect an action by the Domme falls into that category for me (although as twisted as it sounds, REALLY begging based on something I desire so badly that I can't help it, really doesn't). Even, telling a Domme whether I enjoy or hate an activity as it is going on completely falls into that category.

For a long time, my very radical view of it actually effected my ability to communicate when I was in distress based on something that was obviously unintended by the Domme I was playing with. I have been trained out of that by Dommes bitching at me in the past so I no longer am as bad, but I still feel guilty when I have to use the term "yellow" (I never have guilt over saying "red" though as that is never about getting close to failure, but rather about protecting myself). I even still have guilt when responding to a Domme's question about pain levels of an activity, even though I know she needs this information to gauge what she is doing.

I know this makes me different and hypersensitive but it is just my innate way of submitting that is the flip side of TPE for me.
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Asp