Here’s a serious question for the Mistreses here: Have you ever had a sub who became too devoted, that you felt the sub became a bit too... obsessed? That it hurt his or her life outside the dungeon? How have you handled that?

Also, for subs, have you ever realized you became too devoted or obsessed with a specific Mistress. How did you handle it?

I, as many a mistress, have seen this happen. A D/s relationship can be as habit forming as alcohol, gambling, drugs, and anything else that fires off endorphines. Unlike those things, we are not things, but cognisant beings and should pay attention to addictive behaviour. Being an ethical domme is more than not paddling the kidneys, it is also keeping the scene in the scene and curbing otherwise self destructive habits. Not only for the safety of the sub, but for the domme herself.

Having said all that, I have been seriously stalked. Twice. For everyone's safety I have very ridged boundaries these days.

Hello junglebeast. I am sure most of us have had this happen at one time or another. However, the obsession doesn't necessarily have to be about a Domme to have it negatively impact their life. I've seen subs take insane risks to get the "high" that crossdressing, public humiliation, forced bi, or whatever rocks their world will give. As an example, I knew a well known professional in a smallish town that would go to a porn theater and engage in public sex acts with men. I don't know if you would call that obsession or addiction, but it's not healthy because he was risking his career, family and social standing. It would have ruined him if he got caught. All my cautioning against this behavior fell on deaf ears.

As far as subs getting obsessed with me in particular and it having a negative impact on their lives, I've suspected that's happened a few times. All one can really do is make it clear that the relationship is a professional one and that it can go no farther. I am usually pretty open with my clients in letting them know why I am not available in that way. I know many Mistresses don't want clients to know they have a boyfriend, a husband, partner, etc. but if I think someone is developing an unhealthy attachment I want it to be clear that my relationship status makes me unavailable. That usually shuts it down - and if they don't want to be a client anymore because of it, I am fine with that. It means I probably missed a bullet.

Regarding stalkers, I have never had a bad experience with this. I've had a few subs get a bit obsessed with trying to find out personal things about me with internet searches and such. It doesn't necessarily make them a stalker but it is seriously creepy - whether they realize it or not.

Me? Obsessive? Having too much devotion to a particular Domme who may or may not be based out of Atlanta?

I have no clue what y'all are talking about...

Stalker.

With lots of pain, longing and heartache. In some ways and at different times during our relationship (which did go beyond the walls of the dungeon) the feeling was very mutual but she was absolutely convinced I was married because I would never confirm or deny my relationship status (because giving an answer to that, even for my own benefit, allows someone to infer the truth on other things I also won't answer).

Because of that she did institute a 3 week rule between sessions which kept things in check for both of us to a certain extent... But, not completely. Its also why I refuse to see any Dommes rhat are actually local to me... Distance forces it to be an event and not something that can be fed anytime I wish.

You only say that because of the whole following you around without you noticing it. You call it stalking... I call it an extra level of security for your own protection with the proper tools of the trade, like binoculars and a camera with an extremely long lens.

Potato... Tomato...

*CLEARLY* apples to oranges

lol

Mmmm... Mistress Ayn in Orange..

How do you like them apples?!?

Domina M and Mistress Ayn, thank you for your responses.

With a longtime Mistress around a decade ago I really, really wanted to experience pegging. She was 2000 miles away from me so we saw each other a couple of times a year. I was in deep, deep subspace, endorphins were sky high, and she really knew me. She gave me liberties, two of which were emails and phone calls in between sessions. At once point she correctly said, "We will not do that. You will get squirelly on me. If we do it I don't know how you will react after the session." Oh she was right, we never did, and I thanked her for it.

Again, another longtime Mistress, this one in NYC indulged me and we drove to deserted docks at dawn on summer Sundays for a handful of sessions. We were both in the equivalent of bathing suits and did that part of the session quickly, then going to her apartment for punishment. We loved it, but stopped a long time ago, when HD security cameras and smartphones became popular. She knew I was getting high on it and she was the one who demanded we stop it. Too risky. And I thanked her for it.

I've always respected Mistress' privacy and never stalked anyone. But I got stalked once. Now that's a story for another time.