I have never considered myself a "High Protocol Mistress"--one who outlines specific etiquette exclusive to the D/s (perhaps all) interactions. On the other hand I have always enjoyed watching others engage in it; seeing a mistress with a well trained slave who assumes the prescribed position at a snap, or starts a task with a soft clap of the hands. It is admittedly pretty cool witness, however, I have never been able to do it. Not that I don't have the ability, it just seems a forced and unless I am in a headspace just doesn't work for me.

I would be curious who out there has done this in an on-going relationship. How did you feel in this?

Conversely, I do think I am a very "Ritualistic" mistress, especially about the transition into and out of session. It is important to me to be able to speak with someone out of role for clear outlines of interests and limits. It is also important to meet in the dungeon at first out of role, then after I separate from the slave I begin to get myself in the headspace and then when the sub returns I begin my ritual of the slave on the floor and my soft spoken instructions.

I have found that in doing this both my sub and I can fall deep in to our respective headspaces. Even now I am amazed how deep I can go and the frontiers I can (safely) cross by following this.

Perhaps I am splitting hairs with protocol and ritual. Thoughts?

"High protocol Mistresses" are not a good match for me. It is important to me to have a fair bit of conversation with the mistress out of role/character after the session and for the first two sessions with a new practitioner to have some discussion out of character before the session. After that something of a ritual does tend to get established for the start of the session.

A few years ago I was in a relationship with a woman who was into those kind of protocol you describe, with the snaps and all. It wasn't really a match for me, for a lot of different reasons, but I was something like 18/19 years old, and at the time I could say yes to any relationship as long as I was horny and would eventually be tied and gagged at some point :-)

I don't like those kind of protocols in a relationship.
It feels too automatic for me, and I can't find the sense in it. I am way more into submission than discipline. When engaged in a private relation, I like to fully be myself, with all my fanciness. I can do my little monkey dance in the living room, beat you at Mario Kart, and still be deeply yours. I feel like these kind of protocols tend to "dehumanize" and curb one's personality. In fact, you often notice that a D/s couple using these protocols have a very unbalanced relationship, not the kind of relation in which you can perform your monkey dance. I understand how and why some people love it, but I just don't.

Though, it is something than I can appreciate in long term sessions in that it makes sense here, like I experienced it in my 4-day stay at Warsaw Prison, where discipline and routine are essential. It's cool when it comes along with a certain context, for a limited time. This wouldn't apply to short regular sessions though.



On the other hand, just like you, I really like (need?) the in and out transition you're talking about in a session. When I'm visiting a pro-domme who doesn't do that, it's always a bit emtionally challenging for me and I have to push myself a little to enter the headspace, rather than the headspace coming to me, which would be easier.

Ah interesting. For the first two sessions? Interesting that is a specific number. I always insist on chatting out of role at least a few moments before and after, no matter how long I have been seeing a slave. Actually the more I see a slave the more we know about each other the longer these chats get. I mean last I saw he had to de-stress before the big meeting, well how did that go?

You experienced it but it was more of something you tolerated not sought out? I have always wondered at these relationships but it seems very forced for me. Perhaps I have already trained my actual dog and don't need to express it with a human?

Headspace is not a switch I flick, but I have to ease into it--and out--as well. I am not in domme space all the time. Not only would that make life difficult to navigate in the vanilla world, but I would be exhausted all the time.

Yes, it was only tolerated. I wasn't into it at all, but I was unexperienced enough to accept anything as long as someone would accept me!


What difference you feel between you being in domme space and you not being in domme space?

It depends a bit on the provider. With a majority after two sessions there is no chat out of character at the beginning. With others (Mistress Natalie is a good example) there is still some chat at the beginning but it became more abbreviated after the second session.

Domina M,
I don't think that you are splitting hairs, I think the two concepts are very much different. To me, protocol is the nearly effortless exhibition of well trained behavior by the submissive in a non-session environment. This requires an acute and consistent awareness of the Mistress's expectations. For example, the sub might be expected to maintain a specific position relative to the Domme while walking with her. Or focusing on her so that when she slightly nods to her nearly empty wine glass he moves quickly to get another. Perhaps a set of protocols that are in place while cooking and serving a meal to her. I've been in two relationships where adherence to these and other protocols was expected, but they were by no means constantly in place. That would have been exhausting and more like work than the erotic, sexy BDSM that we both so enjoyed. They were the exception to the rule for most of our time together, but when she was in "THAT" mood I was expected to be on my game and not disappoint her. I had two such personal relationships.

To me ritual is session focused. A ritual of relaxed conversation before a session starts is a great way to settle the nerves and to begin to let your mind slip to that wonderful submissive or dominant mindset. Kneeling to start a session, kneeling while facing a corner when the Domme leaves the room, or kneeling with head down touching the floor, counting strokes in a certain trained fashion. Perhaps undressing in a certain way. These are all examples of ritual that I have experienced.

I think protocol is rarely experienced on the typical professional session due to time constraints and the dynamics of "most" sessions, Ialso beleive that ritual is best established with a truly professional Domme over some extended period of time spent together in session.

Interesting. I have never been asked that, so I had to think on how to answer it.

It is not being aroused--though that can be a part of it--but a lot like being aroused some things seem a lot more appealing than they would outside of that mood. When it is right I become hyper focused on what I am doing and I can feel what is going on with the slave. It is properly a power exchange that I feel the submissive has given me.

Imagine that feeling of one of those days where you are just on and everything is going right and you can do no wrong, you feel invincible. Now intensify it for an hour or two. Of course I have to keep a little in reality, but it is a suspension of disbelief where the spell can be broken.

If the submissive tries to tell me what to do during this "spell" it stops being fun for me and then feels like a job.

Thank you for your answer.
I would never have guessed such things!

I always struggle trying to imagine what could go on in a pro-domme's mind during sessions and how the magic (if any) works with her client.