I have never played with safewords, only in some rare circumstances of extreme pushing or RACK.

For me, I enjoy being dominant and constant control of the scene. Part of what I consider my craft is to closely observe my sub and see how is body is physically reacting. I find it brings me closer to my sub. For the sub, I would hope that he trusts me and instead of thinking about when he should say "Yellow!" or "Red!" he can fall safely into subspace bliss.

A hallmark of a good scene is for me to find the edge and half-step over it and come back safely.

I know others feel differently about this. Other perspectives?

Hey, I just saw your tweet about this thread.

I was actually thinking of this last few days, as I just came back from a visit to a pro domme in London, for a session where a safeword was set even though I was gagged all the time!

I understand pro dommes for whom safeword is essential as well as pro dommes like you.

Myself, I have to say that one of the best memories I have from a session was with Mistress Lilith, in Glasgow, Scotland. My balls were in a tight rope bondage, something I'm not good at enduring at. Mistress Lilith was with a friend of her for the session, more of a general sex worker than a "pure" dominant female.

I guess I was gagged. I couldn't stand any longer the pain from the bondage, my face showed discomfort. I was standing right in front of them. Mistress Lilith's friend was smiling, unconcerned, and asked what could possibly be the problem. In the meantime, Mistress Lilith frowned and looked me from head to foot, for two seconds her eyes had become like a scan!

She told her friend that the bondage on my balls was to tight and freed me from it. My huge sight of relief proved her right.


To me, this scene was so impressive, and that's how you know that you can fully give yourself to someone you can rely on.

Though, I met pro dommes for whom safeword is essential and still don't wait for it when they see something is wrong, i.e. Lady Daria. She uses a safeword but is still in total control and attention at every second.

I agree with you. I never ask for safewords and do trust the domme to, as you write, step no more than a half step over the line. Also, if I were to be having some problem and just said, in a normal, non-submissive voice, "I'm sorry, but something is going wrong, we need to stop," I think the type of dommes I play with would get it and stop. Having the pre-session "here is your safe word" can be reassuring and fine, but I'm fine to not have that step.

What if you no way to physically safe-word, at all?

Well, I guess you have to be super careful going into the scene.

Varies. With most of the mistresses I've seen there has been a safeword. However have been exceptions including a switch I played around with a lot around the turn of the century. We pushed each other limits a few times but with an understanding that what goes around comes around.

With Mistress Natalie I normally have a safeword (which I've never used) However we did an unusual bit of public play recently where I put myself at risk of a session which most definitely would NOT have a safeword.

I wrote a review of it you can read here: http://domina.ms/~domroot/thebuzz/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=3510#Post3510

I rarely play with safewords. The Dommes that I see share your belief that using a safeword detracts from the ability of the Domme to confidently take the session in the direction they feel best.

However, I have only engaged in no safeword sessions with Dommes who are extremely well established and who have impeccable reputations. A sub who wants to experience a no safeword session assumes the responsibility to thoroughly research a Domme prior to scheduling a session. Integrity, skill and experience are absolutely required.

You are exactly right in saying that a no safeword session enables a sub, or at least me, to get to deep subspace very quickly. I like to just "buckle up", enjoy the ride and follow the Domme wherever she chooses to lead me. I think it makes for great chemistry while providing an opportunity for new experiences and expanded limits.

It really is about trusting someone who is highly skilled and experienced to do what they do best.

Oh that sounds like a great scene in the sense that she was in tune with how you were feeling.

Of course many domme use a safeword, and it never even comes up. It is a good idea if the domme ever gets distracted. A major part of it for me is to focus on the reactions of my submissive.

I do love bondage, but have occasionally had someone have a freak out from claustrophobia, but instead of stopping completely, I de-escalate the situation and transition to something else.

I totally agree, communication is not the same as a safe word. If you have a leg cramp of course I want to fix that, you won't be thinking about the nipple play I am doing!

Wow, yes Mistress Natalie is a treasure and NYC is lucky to have her.