DominaAdmin Edit This post is not in-keeping with Domina.ms The Buzz policy.


Hello everyone in Buzz land, this your friendly neighborhood Crow, cawing about Mistress responsibility.

Let's face facts about many of the Mistresses in the scene today.

Several are grossly overweight, sporting websites and twitter accounts deluged with deceptive/ancient photos.

Several are old, I mean Betsy Ross fucking old!

Several are totally unbalanced, ready for a serious breakdown during or after a session!

Want to be the subject of a male hating Twitter rant? These absolutely crazy women actually hate the men that they depend on for their livelihoods!

I believe these violators of our submissive rights should be made known on a list dedicated to truth, justice, and the perverted way!

Time for the old Crow to fly.

Wow. This looks like something that should be on MF but the poster does have some valid points. The truth is that all industries have participants that are not honest, not competent, etc. This industry is no different and "buyers" should always beware. Do more than look at the pretty pictures (which might be 10 years old) and dig a little deeper.

Sometimes I wish all social media would go dark but it is a good tool to educate yourself about a potential Mistress. If she rants about subjects that offend you or just rants in general they will usually do it on their social media. Dommes usually post more current photos and selfies there so you can get some insight there as well.

Regarding man haters, I couldn't agree with you more. Every time I see a Domme post something about "old white men" I throw up a little in the back of My throat and wonder how long they are going to make it in this business. If you don't love men you are surely short live in this industry.

I hate to see anyone attack Dommes especially on a "Domme Board" but I will concede that I have shared some of these thoughts Myself from time to time.

I just want to say that, from my discussions with Dommes and my observations, dealing day in and day out with some of the horrible things that can come out of the Human Psyche can push one to becoming jaded and pessimistic even in other unrelated interactions that should be generally positive.

Just like aftercare for subs, Dommes (and other types of providers, even more so) need aftercare as well.

Although clients may be incapable of doing anything about that, especially in the moment, in the buzz coming down from a good session or of dealing with and coming to terms with whatever brought them to want to session in the first place, it would be nice if they would at least keep in mind that there is an actual human being within the facade of the unearthly Goddess being presented to them

I actually started to respond to this when I first saw it a couple of days ago, but decided it wasn't worth it since it is the exact kind of stuff we don't want leaking over here from mf. I also can't imagine the other stuff that was said but edited by the admin, if this is what was left.Since you responded Mistress Ayn I do want to say I agree with you about actual man haters being few and far between.

However, we all know that when humans get into their own little subgroups, it allows them to say the nastiest things about subgroups that are not included. This has played out more publicly with whites and men in the US over our history because of our dominance in controlling the culture.

Which doesn't mean that women or people of color in their own private groups didn't say the same sexist/racist things about those not in those groups, they just weren't represented in the larger culture that was controlled by white men. Social media and the empowering of these "minority" groups (hard to call women a minority, but couldn't think of another term that was better) allows those private conversations to now be thrown around in full view of the people who are beung denigrated... And the more someone "speaks the truth" the more popular and supported they are amongst that peer group.

In my mind this has been totally adopted by the Pro Domme culture as not just the norm, but as truth since it is a culture based on Women having power and control. Those who say nasty things are supported and empowered not just by other Dommes but male subs/slaves who either get excited by the roleplay of it or who are so self-hating that they actually believe that they are naturally inferior creatures.

My problem isn't with the roleplay of female supremacy, but the fact that younger people buy into the social media extremism of it as a real truth. We know that the reality of any relationship between a Domme and a sub is based on valuing and respecting the other person in that relationship rather than it being a one-way street. Unfortunately, baby "Dommes" who think that Findom is the same as FemDom (rather than just being a fetish) or that BDSM play is the same as a D/s relationship or that any group is naturally superior to another group, buy into this wrong view of reality and have poisoned our culture in a way that may never recover in my opinion.

But, then again, I am an old white guy who is submissive to Women I pay to do whatever nasty or degrading thing to me that they can come up with for their own amusement... So, according to the current culture we are talking about, I am irrelevant and what the hell do I know?

Po,

While I don't disagree with the points you make in general, I don't think that they are the reason why some Dommes seem to act so nastily towards subs and men on the internet.

The one thing I do definitely want to agree with is too many subs act like their fantasies are anything close to the reality of real Women living real lives that happens to include BDSM play.

I have just had a bucket-list type, mind blowing, session that has me still in a state of Euphoria, 4 days later. AND this was with a 'baby' Dominatrix, so to speak. I'm mentioning it because it probably is still coloring my opinion, but here goes anyways...

I find that Dommes, especially Dommes that have staying power tend to be extraordinary people, just in general. I have taken the opportunity to talk at length with a few and have never regretted it. I have almost always learned something new, and they have frequently made me reconsider my assumptions, and re-examine myself.

I'm just about the most mild mannered guy imaginable, a big teddybear. But i have and will get angry when I hear people being shamed or classified in an out-group for their sexuality, or their choice of a career as an "erotic" services provider.

In my opinion, it may seem counter-intuitive but even in the hardest beating, most grizzly medical play, or horrible degradation, these things are better or even best when they originate from a place of caring rather than hatred. Anger, annoyance or other such temporary states can be channeled and often are but real hatred is a two edged sword that will both destroy and lead to self destruction.

I recall reading a Domme writing that she always wanted to leave her Subs as better people than they were when she found them.

I agree partially with your assessment of the current state of the culture and gender relations, and find it thoroughly depressing. However I believe that they will find their balance, if and when the old forces that cultivate hatred and distrust are silenced and/or die out.

Po,

I didn't mean to imply that baby Dommes all fall into the same category, because we know that isn't true of any group of women and especially not dominant ones. I was speaking in a generalization about the ease of entry because of social media and the way that most younger Dommes are "learning their craft" nowadays versus how it was only 10-15 years ago.

In-person sessioning, actually meeting & making friends with experienced Dommes, and interacting with clients that are actually submissive (rather than those that are just looking to get their rocks off in a kinky way) very much seems to change the way newbies view the world. However, it is difficult to completely drop beliefs that were formed when you were growing up, especially when it is still supported and considered to be valid within your peer group, and I think that translates into how someone learns and establishes themselves as a Domme. For this reason, I expect that those wrong-headed ideas will persist even as a lot of these younger Dommes mature in the industry.

As for the rest, I 100% agree with everything you are saying and it is only counter-intuitive for those who look at the BDSM activity itself rather than the relationship within D/s. Why does a Domme give the hardest beating, the most grizzly medical play, or horrible degradation to the sub? Either because that directly fulfills a need in the sub or because those activities are what the Domme enjoys and it fulfills a need in the sub to do whatever it takes to bring that Domme that enjoyment.

In either case, for the great Ones, what they do is out of a combination of understanding what the sub needs from the Domme and what they want from the sub beyond just some cash. You see all the great Pro Dommes dismiss clients because they are not fulfilling Their needs as a Domme. In many cases, this costs them money (in some cases, very substantial amounts) but they still do it because at a certain level it IS about that caring and personal fulfillment.

*I* agree 100%. And very well written, thanks!




The saddest part of this is with the new dystopian aspects of our culture among young people, they will fail to find any fulfillment at these things, and they won't even know why, because in the new normal there will not be anyone to tell them.

"Regarding man haters, I couldn't agree with you more. Every time I see a Domme post something about "old white men" I throw up a little in the back of My throat and wonder how long they are going to make it in this business. If you don't love men you are surely short live in this industry."

Mistress Ayn You're dead on! I believe if you hate "old white men" exclude them from your clientele. Then suffer the economic consequences.


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