Is your Mistress stark raving, bark at the moon crazy? Is she emotionally/physically abusive? Is she demanding more than you can give financially?

Borderline personality disorder and/or narcissistic personality disorder may be the cause.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=to5qRLRSS7g

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLM94DnKkQo

Thanks for posting this. Seven years ago I had serious problems with a mistress who I eventually decided was a blend of narcissistic and antisocial personalities. Ended up needing a lawyer. As for the Borderline Personality I had a great deal of trouble with one of those in the late 90's but she wasn't involved with BDSM in any way.

This is very important to shine a light on, on both ends of the spectrum. Dommes and subs can both suffer from undiagnosed mental health disorders and shining a light on it, is eye opening for everyone on either end of the Ds spectrum. It's essential to remember that personal safety is important–especially with something as intimate and delicate as BDSM where safety and trust are exchanged on both ends.

As far as personal safety is involved,we cannot diagnose others as that is beyond our scope of practice (on both ends) however, a few good things to keep in mind are:

-Consent can always be withdrawn when someone (D or s) is unsafe.

-Following the above, if one sees extreme moods/ behaviors in scenes that are erratic, a person must remember that they have agency to ask to end the scene safely and cut contact.

-Consensual non-consent (CNC) is never a given and always has to be negotiated where & when the parties are both of sound mind. If one of the parties isn't, consent can and should be revoked. CNC is never to be assumed by either party.
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GiaPeccato.com

This is good to look out from anyone, Domme or sub. I have dealt with a some clients, and some would-be clients, who have indications of a personality disorder. Sometimes it seems mildly expressed, but there have been maybe 4 or 5 people I've encountered who have displayed red flag behavior. Knowing how to weed those people out is important for your safety.

Narcissists, like other psychopaths, can be hard to detect...at first. They can be witty, personable, and charming. They will draw people in this way to fulfill their Narcissistic "supply". If someone disrupts that, you will see them display more destructive and abusive behaviors, such as gaslighting. Here are some of them:

* Lack of concern or empathy. They may have no interest in another's thoughts and feelings or the ways in which they hurt others. They may say you're wrong for feeling that way or mock your feelings or pain. They may even try to act like you have hurt them for expressing the way they have hurt you or another, often dramatizing it. (https://youtu.be/XzDDTOYrnm8?si=PqXC307pdGGNHXn9&t=123)

* A "revisionist" approach to events. They like to rewrite history and say you did things you did not do -- even in the face of clear evidence -- and declare that any fault lies with you and never them.

* Try to claim authority about what you think or believe, or your motivations. This is to disorient and disrupt your sense of identity.

* They may say you're lying, cheating, stealing, out of your mind/out of control, insane and other dramatic things to try distress you and make you doubt your own sanity. These are often "psychological projections".

An interesting thing is that people with NPD tend to attract people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). People with NPD have an exaggerated, to the point of it being imagined, sense of self which appeals to the person with BPD, who often lacks a core identity.

Those with NPD like to have people around to provide them with the attention and adoration they need for their "supply" which the BPD will provide as an attempt to "pull" the NPD person to them in order to avoid their pathological fear of abandonment. (A person with BPD does not handle real or imagined abandonment well. They may retaliate and exhibit behaviors that are grossly disproportionate to the offense or relationship.)

The Narcissist's attempt to assign thoughts, feelings, and motivations works well with the lack of those things that the Borderline person suffers from (you might see someone with BPD look like they're copying someone's appearance, language, interests, beliefs, etc), which is one reason why they tend to have a magnetic attraction to one another.

It's also important to know that people can have traits of a personality disorder but do not fit the clinical criteria for a diagnosis. Having one or two is relatively common in the general population; it's when there are multiple, and often certain key traits, that determines the disorder. You have to pay attention to more than one example or event and look at patterns over time.

Mistress Tissa. You're absolutely correct! I've never seen it stated better than you did in this post. I'm truly impressed.

Not being from the US:
"... NPD tend to attract people with Borderline Personality Disorder..."

Does NPD stand for NewYork Police Department?

Thank you. I have a background in Psychology, so I'd hope I'd be correct.

NYPD is New York Police Department.

NPD is referenced in the initial post: Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Is that complicated, so PD can stand for many things...

I still prefer Pro Domme!

I had a memorable conversation about this topic with a Mistress I knew well a few years after I entered the scene. After a session I asked about the types of guys who are subs. Looking back I was trying to figure out how I fit in, or compared with, other subs. The Mistress made a telling remark, saying that some subs "dump" (her words) a lot of psychological baggage during sessions onto Dominas which was upsetting to her. She would then avoid those types of subs.

I remember two occasions where I had a first time session with a Mistress and could quickly tell in both cases that there was a problem - either emotional, chemical or a bit of both. I left as soon as I could. If either a Mistress or sub has a mental health issue, it is potentially a very dangerous situation.