Hey Everyone,

Sorry for all the questions. I really appreciate everyones guidance here. But I would say about 1/3 of my sessions with Dommes turn into friendly conversations and me giving foot rubs. I get so frustrated as if the session was all for not (I probably will not go back to those Dommes, because I turned it friendly ... no going back). I even had one Domme say, "you're too cute to be mean too," and I really want to serve her.

Advice on how to prevent a relationship with a domme turn "friendly?"

Thanks,

Spike

Hey Spike, sorry that you are having this problem. A few thoughts in reply to your post, hope my thoughts aren't too presumptive.

My first question is how do you choose the Dommes you session with ?
If you have specific interests it is always better to look for Dommes that list your activities as preferences of their own.

Also, what is the level of pre-session communication that you have ? Most Dommes will want you to be as specific as possible in pre-session communication and to clearly state the session activities that you hope to experience. That honest communication helps to determine if you are a good match for their own interests and skills and to help them plan the session.

In my experience, and yours may be very different, there is usually some sort of brief conversation that takes place just before the session begins. This is a great opportunity to make sure that you and the Domme are on the same page regarding your preferred activities, hard limits, medical concerns and safe words (if used).

Each of the above is an opportunity for you to be very clear in what you are hoping to experience. In most cases, if your expectations are reasonable and consistent with the Domme's own limits, the Domme will try to incorporate your desires into the session. She wants you to enjoy the experience and feel satisfied with your time together. Remember, most Dommes are looking for clients that will return for future sessions and well satisfied clients are more likely to do so. Many Dommes appreciate a brief note after the session letting them know how you enjoyed the experience. This is also a chance to share some humble suggestions for other activities and greater intensity in future sessions.

Just one last piece of advice: A sub can sometimes feel embarrassed and shy about conveying their interest to a Domme. Most Dommes I have served have been extremely skilled, experienced, very intuitive and very intelligent. They have an arsenal of skills and experience to give you a lifetime memory, but even the very best of them are not mind readers. Communicating your desires in a clear, concise and humble manner is the surest way to see your desires become reality in your sessions.

Hope things go better for you in your next session!

Does it turn friendly during the session or after the session?

To echo nysubjack, what exactly are you looking for? I lived with my last girlfriend for 3 years. She was 100% submissive. But, that didn't mean we didn't have times of just hanging out and caring about each other. If I were paying for a dominant session and it turned into a break time for her to simply have someone to talk to while getting her feet rubbed, I'd not return either. Clarification would help in order to give you good advise.

I think you mean all for naught?



So, to be clear, you do NOT want it to be "friendly"? You don't want the conversation or to give foot rubs? You just want a mean Domme who kicks you out afterward?

I have a client like this. He sent very clear signals at the beginning that he did not want any chit-chat or hanging out afterward. He came in, did not want to talk, wanted to go right into my dungeon and have me torment him. Then, when we were done, he'd quickly get himself together and leave. While this has changed slightly over the years he's been coming to me, I get it and we still don't chat much. In some ways, he's been an ideal client because I *know* that I can count on him to be on time, ready to go, and won't try to suck up a lot of my time afterward.

He never had to ask for this, however. He just sent a very clear message by how he responded to me and his body language. I think he did once mention that he just likes to get right to the session. I get it. For some, the "friendliness" you speak of ruins the fantasy.

So, you can do what my client did her or you can negotiate it. Tell her you prefer to start without too much conversation -- if any at all -- and then leave right after the session. Tell her you do not like things to get personal at all.

I would say I have two modes. Either I am a regular or in between mistresses. When in the first mode I always love friendly conversation. But when in this situation I am pretty invested, well informed and have many things to talk about.