I came so close to it last week. My heart nearly stopped when my girlfriend found a card for a fetish store in my vehicle with an appointment time written on the back of it. Her reaction was to blame the young intern who has been traveling with me on sales calls. She didn't even give it a second thought except to express annoyance that I was the rep who was assigned to train him. If she had called me out on it, I would have had to tell her the truth. Giving up the fetish part of my life isn't an option. Giving up my girlfriend of 8 years isn't either. I feel like such a loser living such a lie. Has anyone been these miserable shoes?

Wow! very tough situation. I don't know anything about your background but have you ever tried introducing your GF to the idea of D/s and kink?

I mean BDSM is pretty mainstream now and there is lots of advice around about how to bring it up in a relationship. If you have been together 8 years it seems a real shame to have this big secret between you.

Hope things work out for you but life is too short to live a lie.

My gf is open to my fetishes. We both enjoy them. She doesn't realize that foot and leg worship is a fetish. Anything that involves new shoes she loves without thinking it is odd. But seeing other women she wouldn't accept. She would probably have an issue with my watching fetish videos. It would bring a painful end to our 8 year relationship. I have never realized what a selfish prick I am before now. I envy the men who have partners that are okay with professional sessions. You are all damn lucky.

This could be a situation that a kink friendly sex therapist could help you work through.

I too have seen pro Dommes while in a relationship and have felt the guilt but also justified it as a i only live once. It’s a tough dilemma.

With that being said a few years ago i made the decision that i would tell my partners about my kink desire as well as my desire for an open relationship and to visit pro Dommes. Everyone has to make the best decision for themselves but for me it was freeing. I have found almost universal acceptance on kink and fetish it has actually helped my dating life as it makes me stand out. The open relationship has been tougher but its out there. There are pros and cons to work through but it has a positive impact on my life.

I’ve been in these shoes for years and I don’t like it but I came to terms with it years ago. I regret having a secret life from my wife but I’ve had these masochist and submissive desires as far back as I can remember. My earliest memories really. My marriage isn’t perfect but it’s decent and we get along and have done well in a lot of ways. It’s obviously not ideal to have to live like this but it is what it is.
I’ve compartmentalised it pretty well.

I truly enjoy working with kink friendly counselors, and therapists. I have clients whose wives, and girlfriends are involved with their training. They love the results, but don't want to do the training themselves.

I commend you for this, Spark! I wish more made your choices.