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#15806 - 09/01/21 06:33 PM Lets talk about session fees
Spark Online   content
Regular

Registered: 08/15/19
Posts: 119
When i first started doing sessions 20+ years ago there was a specific protocol around paying for sessions. Put the money in an unsealed unmarked envelope place it on a table right when you come in and never talk about it again. It was a business transaction and it worked fine

But over time as i developed deeper relationships with the women i did this with j enjoyed hearing about how they were using the money i spent on sessions (school, investments, house, savings, just blowing it for fun) whatever it was it was fun to hear how it made their life better. It led into me paying for things between sessions, maybe new bdsm gear, or a trip somewhere, now i have a domme who i pay her credit card for her and i pad her savings account every few months. But it was always about forming a deeper connection

Ive even found fun and erotic ways to incorporate money into sessions and playtime.

This motivated me to work harder in real life and like any hobby i enjoyed spending my extra discretionary money on it.

In fact i’ve talked to many dommes who have spent their careers trying to convince people that spending money for a luxury femdom experience is money well spent.

In the last few years there has been an emerging trend maybe related to findom or humiliation (nothing wrong with those kinks) but its tougher for me to wrap my head around it when it comes to paying for sessions. Its the whole concept that paying for sessions makes you weak or pathetic and that i couldn’t get someone to dominate me without spending money. Ive always enjoyed spending my money on domination. But Im surprised this approach is profitable for dominas and for me It actually makes it harder to spend big money on femdom.

Ive always loved paying for a high end discreet experience maybe in amazing location or dungeon and supporting the women that do this for a living. Thats how i like to think of my session fees

How do others feel?

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#15807 - 09/01/21 11:28 PM Re: Lets talk about session fees [Re: Spark]
Nomasks Online   content
Artisan

Registered: 08/01/21
Posts: 60
paying for sessions is separation of personal life and BDSM interests. It does not make you weak. It means you are well off enough to pay for what you want and sometimes this is going to be people who are pretty well off, in charge at work, and simply want to enjoy the fetish aspect of a hot woman taking charge for an hour or 90 minutes. That's how I see it.

You get to pick what you want and session with someone highly experienced. You could try to find a free haircut and hope for the best, but it's generally better to pay for it. And once you find a barber who does well, I would rather spend $50 or more for a solid haircut than $15 for one that makes me look and feel stupid. Same concept with BDSM. Pay for what you want and seek out the best.

Getting it for free means that women dominate your life and then you may have other issues such as infidelity if they see you as weak.

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#15808 - 09/01/21 11:56 PM Re: Lets talk about session fees [Re: Spark]
AspX Online   content
Sage

Registered: 07/08/16
Posts: 966
Loc: Detroit
Originally Posted By Spark

In the last few years there has been an emerging trend maybe related to findom or humiliation (nothing wrong with those kinks) but its tougher for me to wrap my head around it when it comes to paying for sessions. Its the whole concept that paying for sessions makes you weak or pathetic and that i couldn’t get someone to dominate me without spending money.


Spark,

I apologize if my answer doesn't fit with what you were thinking but I have to admit I sort of had a hard time following what you were trying to get across. But, in relation to what I quoted above I would have to say that I disagree that this is some new thing. It has always been the case in my experience that any guy who explicitly "pays for it" is considered to be less of a man than another guy who somehow convinces a woman to do "sexual" activities with them.

This is true even if the date costs the guy $3k while "paying for it" only costs him $300... If he is not explicitly doing a business transaction that involves sexual play (which Pro Domination absolutely is even when there is no actual penetration or orgasms involved), then he is looked down upon. In our world, lifestylers have always looked down upon clients... Even those lifestylers that celebrate the Pro Dommes those clients frequent.

They feel it isn't real because there is an explicit business transaction rather than a "connection". However, we know that the two are in no way mutually exclusive and without connection, you would never revisit a Pro Domme (although they may see you based on getting paid for their time).

For those Dommes I have gotten more personal with, it ends up costing me way more money than sessions and I have to deal with a feeling of being taken advantage of that inevitably raises its head. So, session fees that I agree to don't bother me at all & I do look at them as paying for an experience... just like I do when going to see a concert or taking a cruise.
_________________________
Asp


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#15809 - 09/02/21 12:10 AM Re: Lets talk about session fees [Re: AspX]
Spark Online   content
Regular

Registered: 08/15/19
Posts: 119
Quote:
I apologize if my answer doesn't fit with what you were thinking but I have to admit I sort of had a hard time following what you were trying to get across.


Thanks for the response. Sorry i was on a bit of a rant.

Quote:
It has always been the case in my experience that any guy who explicitly "pays for it" is considered to be less of a man than another guy who somehow convinces a woman to do "sexual" activities with them.


This is what i have been frustrated by. As i dont feel like paying for domination should make you less of a man. I like paying for the discretion and high end experiences. I think of it as Why would i want to go after a lifestyle relationship if spending money gets a better experience. You get what you pay for.

Quote:
I do look at them as paying for an experience... just like I do when going to see a concert or taking a cruise


I think of it almost in the exact same way initially. As i build a deeper relationship its less transactional. But nobody seems to think i am less of a man if i drop the equivalent of a session fee at a michelin starred restaurant or a 5 star resort.

Thanks for the thoughts on my post.

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#15810 - 09/02/21 12:10 AM Re: Lets talk about session fees [Re: Nomasks]
Spark Online   content
Regular

Registered: 08/15/19
Posts: 119
+1

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#15814 - 09/02/21 10:31 AM Re: Lets talk about session fees [Re: Spark]
AspX Online   content
Sage

Registered: 07/08/16
Posts: 966
Loc: Detroit
Originally Posted By Spark
As i dont feel like paying for domination should make you less of a man. I like paying for the discretion and high end experiences.


I 100% agree with you and have never felt that myself, but I also don't really care about the way that others who are outside of our circle view these things.

I can go to lots of bars and hear crappy bands play cover songs for "free", but if I want the experience of seeing the Rolling Stones its gonna cost me a shitload of money. I can sit at home and watch football on TV for free but if I want the unique experience of being at an NFL game I need to dig deep into my pocket. Having said that, however, I agree with you that the main reason I see Pro Dommes is the privacy and discretion it affords me since these activities are not accepted by society as a whole.

But, to add one more important point, this shit can be dangerous & requires a much deeper level of consent than most amateurs possess (unless you are just into foot worship). I don't want to skydive with an "instructor" making their 2nd jump ever using a cheap 2-person rig they bought at Walmart.
_________________________
Asp


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#15822 - 09/03/21 02:40 AM Re: Lets talk about relations [Re: Spark]
Komodo Online   content
Enthusiast

Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 331
We are talking about a very intricate and complicated subject. This is a relation which is transactional and personal at the same time. How much of it depends on the two persons. I think you will agree that your own relations are very different with different mistresses.

A long relationship changes overtime and both parties have a say in how it evolves. Why I would care a lot in how the mistress perceives it I would not give a damn about how the rest of the world sees it.

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#15824 - 09/03/21 12:49 PM Re: Lets talk about relations [Re: Komodo]
Spark Online   content
Regular

Registered: 08/15/19
Posts: 119
Quote:
We are talking about a very intricate and complicated subject. This is a relation which is transactional and personal at the same time


Very true. It can be tricky to navigate at times

Quote:
Why I would care a lot in how the mistress perceives it I would not give a damn about how the rest of the world sees it.


Thanks for the perspective. I agree if the money i spend works for me and the domme it doesnt matter what everyone else thinks. I think im just human and sometimes being judged for this gets to me

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