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#9205 - 01/17/20 11:55 AM Sub drop
Mistress Ayn Online   content

Veteran

Registered: 10/13/15
Posts: 1271
Loc: Atlanta, GA and Romania
I know that sub drop is a real thing. The more intense/enjoyable the session is - the greater the chance there will be a commensurate down side. For subs, how does sub drop feel for you and how do you combat it or deal with it?

There is also something akin to that for Dommes. I call it Domme drop. For me it comes after either a super intense long session or after a tour. It's not a depressive feeling per se but I can feel a little blue. During those times I like to be left alone (no social engagements, dinners out, etc.) and I like to sleep. Once I have had a good sleep, exercise will usually spring me back and I feel good as new.

How about the rest of you? Thoughts?
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#9212 - 01/17/20 05:06 PM Re: Sub drop [Re: Mistress Ayn]
AynsToy Offline
Artisan

Registered: 12/07/19
Posts: 70
I wholeheartedly agree that the more intense/enjoyable the session ... and the more build-up and anticipation there is for it ... the greater the chance for sub drop.

For me, when it's at its worst, I find it hard to focus... hard to be productive. I have no desire, no motivation, to do much of anything except exist. I agree that sleeping does help and I fully believe that if I could motivate myself to exercise, it would help as well since exercise tends to release endorphins which of course can trigger a positive feeling in your body. This last time, though, the problem was the motivation to do it ... it just wasn't there.

As you stated, I feel blue... maybe a little depressed even. It's almost like post-vacation blues, but much more severe. Whenever I plan a nice vacation and look forward to it for months on end, when it's over and I'm back home and back into the day-to-day routine, I tend to feel a little blue and down in the dumps.

It helps having others to chat with that understand and can relate ... and, for me personally, writing that follow-up email to you a couple of days post-session and then getting your response helped tremendously.

I've got to continue to work on ways to deal with it when it happens... continue to try to find what works best for me.... because, inevitably, it will happen again. Do I like it? ... No ... but is it worth it? ... Oh hell yes!!
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#9216 - 01/18/20 10:10 AM Re: Sub drop [Re: Mistress Ayn]
Kneel4Her Offline
Regular

Registered: 10/06/19
Posts: 104
Loc: GA
Unfortunately after my last session I experienced sub drop. The words that come to mind to describe how it felt- empty, heavy, lethargic. Like DemonVoxx mentioned, I didn't have motivation to do much of anything. I stayed in bed most of the day after. I wanted to work out as I thought that would help, but I couldn't make myself leave the house.

What seemed to help was having a couple of people to talk to who could relate. It was reassuring to know others experience it and I wasn't alone. I tried reading, but had difficulty focusing. Instead I watched some stand-up comedy - laughter always helps. I also jotted down my initial thoughts from the session which helped reconnect me to the experience.

I'm figuring out the best ways to pull myself out of it. Seeing the sun would have been useful as the winter dreariness is not helpful. eek I did get to the gym the following day and it seemed to work to lift my mood.

That's interesting that Dommes can have a drop of sorts.

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#9221 - 01/18/20 03:25 PM Re: Sub drop [Re: Mistress Ayn]
iserveGoddesses Offline
Member

Registered: 12/22/18
Posts: 7
Loc: Metro Detroit
I feel the same as a do after a big performance (I am a musician). So much build up, then so in the moment, then such a sense of euphoria, then a let down. It is not a let down of disappointment. Rather it is a sense of something i have worked toward being over. It is a liminal space that resides within experiences, where i am keenly aware of the physical and the emotional. Then the cycle starts all over again.

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#9223 - 01/18/20 07:39 PM Re: Sub drop [Re: iserveGoddesses]
AynsToy Offline
Artisan

Registered: 12/07/19
Posts: 70
Originally Posted By iserveGoddesses
So much build up, then so in the moment, then such a sense of euphoria, then a let down. It is not a let down of disappointment. Rather it is a sense of something i have worked toward being over.


This ... this is a big part of it for me as well ... such a build-up, then it finally arrives and it's extremely intense and euphoric .... and then it's over. As Kneel4Her stated, there's a feeling of emptiness.
_________________________
Fear, anxiety, arousal & pain; all are emotions & sensations. Feel them, experience them, surrender to them & learn to accept them.

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#9224 - 01/18/20 11:36 PM Re: Sub drop [Re: Mistress Ayn]
Miss Adah Vonn Offline

Artisan

Registered: 07/16/19
Posts: 75
Loc: Poughkeepsie, NY
Originally Posted By Mistress Ayn
I know that sub drop is a real thing. The more intense/enjoyable the session is - the greater the chance there will be a commensurate down side.

Oh, yes. Good reminder to mention this to newbies that I see. I'm sure some regulars might do well with a mention, too.

Originally Posted By Mistress Ayn

There is also something akin to that for Dommes. I call it Domme drop. For me it comes after either a super intense long session or after a tour. It's not a depressive feeling per se but I can feel a little blue. During those times I like to be left alone (no social engagements, dinners out, etc.) and I like to sleep. Once I have had a good sleep, exercise will usually spring me back and I feel good as new.

How about the rest of you? Thoughts?


Definitely! I think sleep is maybe the best cure for this, and the endorphins you mention are good too. I also like to snack on something protein-ascious to level my mood.

Sometimes I'll notice myself dropping more consistently and I need a good cry to kinda reset my barometer, as it were. Our biggest job as Dommes is often really to hold space for people to be vulnerable. We inadvertently take on a lot as energy-workers, so personally as an empath I need to expunge that now and then.
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#9225 - 01/18/20 11:55 PM Re: Sub drop [Re: Kneel4Her]
Miss Adah Vonn Offline

Artisan

Registered: 07/16/19
Posts: 75
Loc: Poughkeepsie, NY
Originally Posted By Kneel4Her
What seemed to help was having a couple of people to talk to who could relate. It was reassuring to know others experience it and I wasn't alone. I tried reading, but had difficulty focusing. Instead I watched some stand-up comedy - laughter always helps. I also jotted down my initial thoughts from the session which helped reconnect me to the experience.


These are great, thank you! Might pass some of these on in the future, especially as both you and DemonVoxx mentioned writing about the session as helpful. I love getting feedback, so sending a follow-up email might be a lovely way to give your Mistress a nice spike of dopamine should she be dropping, too. Two birds!

Originally Posted By Kneel4Her
That's interesting that Dommes can have a drop of sorts.


Oh gosh, big time! Above, y'all relate the excitement of scenes to a performance. What is a session if not a personal performance, if only for your partner? (Which does NOT mean it is inauthentic, mind you.) Part of why I adore Domming is the similarities it holds to acting: listening, reading your partner(s), objectives, tactics, holding attention. All the good stuff wink
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#9235 - 01/19/20 10:50 AM Re: Sub drop [Re: Miss Adah Vonn]
junglebeast Online   content
Addict

Registered: 06/15/19
Posts: 424
Sub drop? I've had a wide variety of feelings and emotions after session especially years ago when I was a lot less experienced. If it was a mediocre session I'd feel guilty about (a) making the appointment with someone new and: (b) the amount of money spent.

In recent years most of my sessions have been memorable and rewarding. I pick my spots nowadays and have sessioned with less than a handful of ladies in the past decade, which may be part of it. If I experienced sub drop or depression it was usually due to me visiting out-of-town to visit a Mistress or her coming to my hometown. The anticipation and euphoria of the session disappears as soon as you leave and hit the street. It can be tremendously deflating.

I have been able to combat that feeling by reliving the session in my mind before I go to bed. Another way has been to text or call the Mistress later in the day, or the next day, to thank her. With Mistresses I've known well and have reached out, they often value the feedback because, as stated here earlier, they may experience some sort of "drop" from the session too.

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#9237 - 01/19/20 01:35 PM Re: Sub drop [Re: iserveGoddesses]
Mistress Ayn Online   content

Veteran

Registered: 10/13/15
Posts: 1271
Loc: Atlanta, GA and Romania
Absolutely. You nailed it.
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#9238 - 01/19/20 01:43 PM Re: Sub drop [Re: Miss Adah Vonn]
Mistress Ayn Online   content

Veteran

Registered: 10/13/15
Posts: 1271
Loc: Atlanta, GA and Romania
Originally Posted By Miss Adah Vonn
Our biggest job as Dommes is often really to hold space for people to be vulnerable. We inadvertently take on a lot as energy-workers, so personally as an empath I need to expunge that now and then.


This is indeed energy work and we need to practice self care. It sounds like you have the "touch" Mis Adah Vonn. I hope those boys up there know how fortunate they are.
_________________________
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