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#13743 - 03/14/21 10:42 AM Fetish Scene Dating
Cheyenne Online   content

Pooh-Bah

Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 2262
This is a topic that has come up several times among my single friends, ranging from young prodoms to cameramen to men interested in a serious relationship that is kink friendly but doesn't evolve around it.

With most people meeting online these days, the dilemma seems to be if they put their profession, past or present, out there, they will draw men who's priority is play while turning off potential partners with a priority of traditional. Then, the question comes to be, do you not fully disclose until the relationship seems to be going somewhere?

I was fortunate enough to meet my husband through the scene, while not even looking for someone to date. We were good friends for years before we began dating and knew each other well. When, I take a look around at my friends, vendors, colleagues, ect. in national scene, I see a lot of really cool people, most wanting a kink friendly but mainly traditional relationship. Would it be nuts to suggest that a dating site limited to scene professionals could be helpful? I've known women who have married a client and are quite happy. One of my best friends is a former client. We never had a romantic spark but, he became a close family friend and is do this day. So, there seems a place for clients. But, as all of us know, the wanker rate in this business is high. This probably isn't possible. It would just be nice to see people be able to meet potential partners without the mainstream drama or going on an all kink site and attracting people looking for a 24/7 session.

At my age, I've seen couples get divorced and want to move on, people lose their spouse, within the prodom world. Especially when you factor in the website professionals, from video editors to affiliate managers, to merchant account professionals, ect. it is a bigger pro fetish world out there than one would imagine.

Just kicking around ideas and advice for my friends. A few years after I lost my husband I was fortunate enough to fall into a dating relationship with someone who I already knew. We had numerous mutual friends. It just clicked. But, it seems a little harder for the younger folks in the scene.

Thoughts? Experiences to share? Advice?

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#13745 - 03/14/21 12:24 PM Re: Fetish Scene Dating [Re: Cheyenne]
ScoobyBelfast Online   content
Enthusiast

Registered: 12/12/20
Posts: 288
I met my girlfriend online. I wasn't looking for a bdsm situation, although it's turned out to be a part of life together. If that had been in her ad, I would have gotten the wrong impression. We wouldn't have met. I'm glad she didn't talk to me about it until after we had spent time together. It's not first date stuff.

What comes to mind with your idea, Mistress, is the privacy of a professional woman who would participate. How would that be hidden from people, like me, online who could check out how a dominatrix conducts their personal dating. Not that I would. But, there are probably a lot of men who would do just that.

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#13746 - 03/15/21 05:08 AM Re: Fetish Scene Dating [Re: ScoobyBelfast]
Cheyenne Online   content

Pooh-Bah

Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 2262
You bring up a great point. There would be no privacy for prodoms. I don't have a horse in the race on this one. I'm just trying to be helpful. Maybe a site that is for verified adult industry professionals only? Even then, they'd have to have good references. Maybe it wouldn't work at all.

I've been lucky, as you have been, to just end up in great relationships with someone who either doesn't care about my pro life or is involved in the industry themselves.

I'd love to hear about other people's experiences on this.

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#13749 - 03/16/21 12:24 AM Re: Fetish Scene Dating [Re: Cheyenne]
Spark Online   content
Enthusiast

Registered: 08/15/19
Posts: 247
Ive had several dommes over the years tell me that dating is difficult.
Jealousy, finding a partner who approves, doesnt want to change their career choice etc all tie into it.

That is always sad to hear.

Most have also told me they would enjoy kink in a relationship but dont want to be a lifestyle domme to a real life partner. Perhaps its like the chef who doesn't want to cook at home?

My current Domme says she doesn’t want to date and that she is meeting her emotional, physical, and financial needs through work. She is young and perhaps that is true for now but i worry she is missing out in a relationship long term.

From what i hear from my female friends dating men in general is a complete nightmare of weirdos both in vanilla and kink life. (I dont know what is wrong with us men)

I do have a very cool pro relationship going on right now.

I dont know why i never considered dating in the fetish scene. Perhaps it was a lack of confidence or knowledge. When i was younger i didnt have the maturity to pull it off anyway. I think a lot has to do with the fact that i wanted some kink but not 24/7 and didnt know how to communicate that. Its probably one of the biggest misfires of my life.

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#13750 - 03/16/21 04:20 AM Re: Fetish Scene Dating [Re: Spark]
Cheyenne Online   content

Pooh-Bah

Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 2262
Originally Posted By Spark
Ive had several dommes over the years tell me that dating is difficult.
Jealousy, finding a partner who approves, doesnt want to change their career choice etc all tie into it.

That is always sad to hear.

Most have also told me they would enjoy kink in a relationship but dont want to be a lifestyle domme to a real life partner. Perhaps its like the chef who doesn't want to cook at home?

In my opinion, not at all. It is like a chef you likes to enjoy her own kitchen but doesn't want to come home and cater a banquet. A lot of people, including clients, like fetish "Play," but desire to have a traditional life. 24/7 isn't for everyone. Some of us just want to get our freak on now and then.

My current Domme says she doesn’t want to date and that she is meeting her emotional, physical, and financial needs through work. She is young and perhaps that is true for now but i worry she is missing out in a relationship long term.

It changed for me. When I was a young and very busy dom there was simply to time or desire for dating. I was having so much fun at work that, for years, I didn't miss it. When I started missing a relationship, I became more open to dating and ended up in long term serious relationship with someone I had meet as a Club Dom member. Hopefully, your dom, too, will just naturally start dating when it is right for her.


From what i hear from my female friends dating men in general is a complete nightmare of weirdos both in vanilla and kink life. (I dont know what is wrong with us men)

I can't imagine what it would be like to be meeting people through dating sites, even taking the prodom aspect out of it. It isn't just you men who are weirdos. One of my male friends has been dating through meeting people on sites for a few years now. He's met some really cool ladies...but, some of them....whoa....there have been a few nutty ones, to the point that it like something you'd see in a comedic movie.

I do have a very cool pro relationship going on right now.

That awesome. :-)

I dont know why i never considered dating in the fetish scene. Perhaps it was a lack of confidence or knowledge. When i was younger i didnt have the maturity to pull it off anyway. I think a lot has to do with the fact that i wanted some kink but not 24/7 and didnt know how to communicate that. Its probably one of the biggest misfires of my life.

You'd be surprised how many scene folks want the same thing, both women and men. A couple of my friends have been talking about starting a dating site that is specifically for people who want kink in their life but not to the point that it defines the relationship. I was skeptical of what kind of people it would draw. But, when you look it at from the point of view that there are goofballs in every crowd, maybe it will work and even be a viable option for prodoms.

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#13754 - 03/16/21 12:14 PM Re: Fetish Scene Dating [Re: Cheyenne]
buffalo Online   content
Enthusiast

Registered: 06/21/19
Posts: 314
Loc: USA
“You'd be surprised how many scene folks want the same thing, both women and men. A couple of my friends have been talking about starting a dating site that is specifically for people who want kink in their life but not to the point that it defines the relationship. I was skeptical of what kind of people it would draw. But, when you look it at from the point of view that there are goofballs in every crowd, maybe it will work and even be a viable option for prodoms.”

I think a dating site like that is something that’s great in theory but my gut feeling is pessimistic about how it would be in reality. Sadly I think you would end up with too many guys just looking for free play or with unrealistic expectations. I have no experience in the scene except as a client. I would think the best way for a Pro Domme to find a dating relationship with a sub male would be with someone they meet as a client and get to know as friends first where there’s genuine mutual like and attraction.
_________________________
And still trying to figure it all out.................. buffalo

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#13756 - 03/16/21 02:41 PM Re: Fetish Scene Dating [Re: buffalo]
junglebeast Online   content
Addict

Registered: 06/15/19
Posts: 424
I agree with Buffalo. In my experience the best way for a pro dom to find a dating relationship with a sub male who is one of her clients she knows and they have a mutual attraction. In a couple of cases there was mutual attraction a Mistress and me and the line between pro and relationship got pretty blurry. It didn't in either case, but I can see that happening.

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#13757 - 03/16/21 08:20 PM Re: Fetish Scene Dating [Re: buffalo]
Cheyenne Online   content

Pooh-Bah

Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 2262
Your initial reaction is and was the same as mine. Then I talked to a few of my younger friends in the scene and thought maybe there is a glimmer of hope in the way the world has changed, regarding fetish. It will be interesting to see if my friends move forward with their project. Btw, we are do for a phone call. I've been on the the go so much, it has been hard to keep up. :-)

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#13788 - 03/20/21 12:20 AM Re: Fetish Scene Dating [Re: Cheyenne]
buffalo Online   content
Enthusiast

Registered: 06/21/19
Posts: 314
Loc: USA
Obviously you know tons more about the scene then I do. Connecting people looking for a relationship is a good idea but I’m not sure how big the dating pool is. It’s not uncommon for people in the same field to get into relationships so the fetish or sex worker field shouldn’t be any different. I think it would be important to screen out people from the outside and maybe it would work.

I’ve been busy too in a good way. I’ll try to call in the next few days.
_________________________
And still trying to figure it all out.................. buffalo

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