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#13033 - 01/25/21 09:41 AM Wife/Girlfriend Dillema
Cheyenne Online   content

Veteran

Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 1577
A close friend and former client of mine has been longing for professional playtime recently. His girlfriend plays with him but it isn't really her thing. She is a highly jealous woman. I suggested that she go route of Scooby and include her, allowing her to call the shots and be involved. But, he thinks it would tank their otherwise happy relationship. As it is now, he is mulling over how to address the subject of her playing with him more and learning a few skill sets. I've offered to talk and advise her. But, he doesn't think she'd go for that. This summer we are hanging out to together on a vanilla vacation. So, maybe as she gets to know me she'll see that she was nothing to worry about and I can be of help. Right now, it is sad to see my friend in that position. I've advised him not to session behind her back. As close as they are, it doesn't seem right for him to jeopardize the relationship by lying.

This reminds of the time when a client's wife called me because she found my phone number in his wallet. This was a client who adored his wife and family life. He just needed a bdsm charge here and there. I pretended like I didn't know what she was talking about because it wasn't my place to explain. In my heart, I thought if she only knew the truth. He loved her to the moon and back.

For those who have to hide their interests in pro sessions, does it bother you? Have you ever told a personal partner about them only to have the relationship put in jeopardy?

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#13034 - 01/25/21 10:46 AM Re: Wife/Girlfriend Dillema [Re: Cheyenne]
ScoobyBelfast Online   content
Artisan

Registered: 12/12/20
Posts: 64
I would be bothered if my wife or girlfriend was interacting with other men behind my back. If she asked permission, I'd feel just as uncomfortable with with. The more I read on forums like this the more I realize who lucky I am. My girlfriend not only introduced me to all of this but is 100% up for a pro session, as long as she and the prodom top me together. Now that you have me thinking of the dynamics of all of this if it were topping another man or worse yet subbing to one, I couldn't handle it. Men are complicated creatures. It isn't just women. lol.

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#13038 - 01/25/21 01:03 PM Re: Wife/Girlfriend Dillema [Re: Cheyenne]
Spark Online   content
Artisan

Registered: 08/15/19
Posts: 50
I feel for your friend

On the occasion when i have been in a relationship i have tried to stop sessioning.

I have not always been perfect. Surprisingly i dont feel guilty about sessioning. I needed it too much. although in my younger days i did feel guilty about not feeling guilty if that makes sense

Most of my adult life i have been single by choice so i haven't had to worry about it.

In my more recent relationships i have tried to break the mold of a traditional relationship and have been comfortable bringing up the idea of consensually having additional partners (for both of us) to meet emotional and physical needs. As ive gotten older i really think this can lead to a healthy relationship dynamic. However, that line of thinking has generally not been well received which is really unfortunate. I guess that has not been normalized yet.

Many of us form friendships and social connections that are different from our partners and those often make for a better relationship and a deeper connection Im surprised that more people arent willing to explore the same thing when it comes to sex or domination.

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#13039 - 01/25/21 01:55 PM Re: Wife/Girlfriend Dillema [Re: Spark]
Cheyenne Online   content

Veteran

Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 1577
Originally Posted By Spark
I feel for your friend

On the occasion when i have been in a relationship i have tried to stop sessioning.

From what I've seen from my side of the fence, that it isn't emotionally healthy and even puts a strain on vanilla relationships. But, I understand why men take that route and it is admirable. I just got off the phone with my friend. His girlfriend is going to be out of the country for a week starting Sunday. Poor guy. All of that opportunity and trying so hard to resist. I also invited him to start posting here.

I have not always been perfect. Surprisingly i dont feel guilty about sessioning. I needed it too much. although in my younger days i did feel guilty about not feeling guilty if that makes sense

It makes sense to feel guilty about not feeling guilty. When I was an active session dom, most of my clients didn't feel guilty. They knew it was their partners they were going home to and probably as a happier man. I also think it is better to sneak away and your freak on now and then instead of trying to turn a vanilla partner, who has no interest, into your mistress. It is better for the vanilla partner, they just don't know it. Maybe that is justification but it is the way I saw it as a dom.

Most of my adult life i have been single by choice so i haven't had to worry about it.

In my more recent relationships i have tried to break the mold of a traditional relationship and have been comfortable bringing up the idea of consensually having additional partners (for both of us) to meet emotional and physical needs. As ive gotten older i really think this can lead to a healthy relationship dynamic. However, that line of thinking has generally not been well received which is really unfortunate. I guess that has not been normalized yet.

This is an area everyone is different about. It would bother me if my partner was okay playing with other men. The exception would be if it was in our circle of fetish friends, at a party, and no sex was involved. But, I can share my man a little with doms, as long as it is a joint decision and I am friends with who he's playing with. I was getting to be good friends with a female client some years back. We were talking about hanging out together out of the dungeon. My boyfriend flipped out. But, my late husband would have loved it if I had a kinky girlfriend. Funny how we are all wired differently on this one. I can't say any of it makes sense except that humans are sometimes ruled by simple emotion.

Many of us form friendships and social connections that are different from our partners and those often make for a better relationship and a deeper connection Im surprised that more people arent willing to explore the same thing when it comes to sex or domination.

One the most happily married couples I've known were Paul C. Leather, of Chicago, and his wife Kitty. We lost touch over the years but were close when I lived in Ohio. They were very open about being in an open marriage. They were both cool with it and completely devoted to each other. But I know of very few others who had an open[i] sexual/vanilla
relationship that worked for both partners. But, then I've never gotten involved in the swinger world.

You have a great attitude about relationships. It sounds like you are happy. Have you dated in fetish circles? Most of my fetish friends openly play with other people. The best fetish play parties are the ones that don't get advertised.[/i]

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#13040 - 01/25/21 01:57 PM Re: Wife/Girlfriend Dillema [Re: ScoobyBelfast]
Cheyenne Online   content

Veteran

Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 1577
Is the first pro session for you and your girlfriend in the works yet? It will be interesting to hear how it goes. I hope it is all and more you both are expecting it to be.

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#13045 - 01/26/21 01:26 AM Re: Wife/Girlfriend Dillema [Re: Cheyenne]
buffalo Online   content
Regular

Registered: 06/21/19
Posts: 158
Loc: USA
I am definitely one who hides his interest and that I am doing pro sessions. It bothers me and it doesn’t bother me. I’m good at compartmentalising things. But I don’t like having this secret life from my wife. I am somewhat surprised she’s never figured it out or suspected but I think if she suspected something it would be that I was having a vanilla affair which I have ZERO interest in and would never do.

I’ve had these submissive and femdom bdsm desires as far back as I can remember. It took a long time to finally have a real session and live the fantasy out even though I always knew I had to do it. I was sessioning before I got married and quit for awhile after I did. I think I went back to it as a result of unrelated conflicts we were having in the marriage but it’s been so long I really don’t remember the timeline or whys of it all. The desires were probably to strong to resist most likely.
_________________________
And still trying to figure it all out.................. buffalo

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#13047 - 01/26/21 03:52 AM Re: Wife/Girlfriend Dillema [Re: buffalo]
Cheyenne Online   content

Veteran

Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 1577
I'm so glad you chimed in here. Your situation was part of what inspired the post. What it is so touching about the relationship you have with your wife, at least from what I hear from the outside looking in, is that you are are somewhat submissive to her is your marriage. She definitely comes first with you. I get tickled when we are chatting on the phone about major life decisions, like where to live in retirement for example. You let her drive the bus. I wonder if she knows that, in a certain regard, she is domming you. Perhaps, it is a form of justification, but I've never seen my happily married husbands as wronging their wives by sneaking away for sessions. When I was an active and very busy dom in my early days of building a career, I rarely dated. There wasn't a place for it in my life then. I'd see my married clients out the door and wave goodbye, thinking, "Their wife is really lucky." Most of my married clients, as you seem to, have their wives on a pedestal.

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#13050 - 01/26/21 04:59 AM Re: Wife/Girlfriend Dillema [Re: Cheyenne]
ScoobyBelfast Online   content
Artisan

Registered: 12/12/20
Posts: 64
Yes. We are still working out dates. We are going to Florida to session with Michelle Lacy in either February or March. Mistress Ayn's website is impressive. I enjoy her posts here too. But, Florida makes more sense for a vacation this time of year. We are both excited. I'm trying not to think about it too much, which isn't easy. I want to go with an open mind instead of a head full of fantasies. I will post a review here. Thanks for asking.

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#13061 - 01/26/21 11:03 PM Re: Wife/Girlfriend Dillema [Re: Cheyenne]
buffalo Online   content
Regular

Registered: 06/21/19
Posts: 158
Loc: USA
I’m not sure where to start with this reply. I guess like most marriages it’s complicated. In my case very complicated. First I’ve got to say that my wife is complicated. I’d say she’s dominant in most areas except sexually which is truly ironic given my sexual wiring. It’s not that I’m submissive to my wife because I’m not. Not at all really although I’ve wondered how things would go if I were more submissive around the house. I think she’d probably like it but it’s just not part of our relationship dynamic or my non sexual personality. I do love my wife and want her to be happy so I’m willing to do most anything she asks. And I’m pretty flexible so I’m open to most options but if she doesn’t ask or state a preference then it causes conflict. It’s hard to describe here. Complicated like I say and I don’t want to get real specific in this post. You are right I do put her on a pedestal and she does come first so for the most part if she wants something I’m going to do it or stand in her way. I’m lucky she married me. At times I’ve wondered why she did but truth is I think I’ve been good for her in a lot of ways. We have definite similarities but I think we are more complimentary then similar.
_________________________
And still trying to figure it all out.................. buffalo

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#13065 - 01/27/21 02:51 AM Re: Wife/Girlfriend Dillema [Re: buffalo]
Cheyenne Online   content

Veteran

Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 1577
There is an old saying that if you want to know what kind of man someone is, watch how they treat their mother. I think the same is true of the way they threat treat their wife. So, to the OT, most of married clients and kinky friends have been pretty cool guys.

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