Hello to all dommes and subs!

I recently wrote a new article on my blog, where I put myself in the shoes of a Pro domme who lets go all the bitterness out of her regarding all those not-so-good aspects of her job.

So far I've had got pretty good feedback from subs and dommes, I'd love to have yours too, whether it's negative or positive.
Please know it's not supposed to be the story of dommes, but just a story.

Here's the link: https://www.bdsaime.com/post/notes-from-a-tired-domme

Very article interesting article. Thanks for bringing it to our attention. While I liked much of it there is something lurking just below the surface that bothers me.

It starts out with how happy she is as a lifestyle Domme. Then she starts accepting money making it sound almost innocent. Then after a while she is not enjoying them or in some cases only superficially coming with a heavy price.

At one point she brings up "the scene" and how disappointed she is with it. OK but to my mind "the scene" includes lifestyle. I cannot help but wonder if she was trying the fact that lifestyle BDSM is not exactly Utopia. I only have a limited experience with lifestyle Dommes but it is enough to tell me that it isn't as perfect as some subs think it is.

So at the end she leaves pro domination. Which has me wondering if she went back to lifestyle or is she suffering from total kink burnout.

Thank you for your comment and for pointing this out!

This is how I saw things when writing the story:
In the end she indeed went back to lifestyle, and she is okay with it, because she will be disconnected (again) from the "scene". In a private sphere, you only need one person to enjoy BDSM.

She directly connected professional domination and the scene, because you don't have the choice but to enter it as a Prodomme (to a certain point at least); while you can more than easily do without it when you keep things to your private sphere (which is her case).

Wow. I don't know how you did it. Frankly, there aren't many Dommes that could have written the inner workings of the scene and their mind this articulately (myself included) - and I don't even think English is your first language, if I remember correctly.

Yes, I get it that every Domme won't resonate with every aspect of it, but the article largely "gets it".

And finally, someone actually said it correctly:
"Moreover, if my hourly rate may seem so important, it is precisely because I cannot work like this for eight hours a day."

I've seen Dommes engage the question of why rates are set where they are and they usually talk about risks, overhead, etc. but seldom does anyone address the elephant in the room. If I do 10 hours of sessions in a week, I am exhausted and can't keep up that pace. Yes, we may bill the rate of an attorney but we can't pad the bill with a 50 hour work week. Then there is the longevity issue. We have to set back money for retirement and investment. On top of that there are self-employment taxes, health insurance, etc - all of which we pay fully because we are self-employed. At the end of the day, most Dommes aren't living like most professions that bill at $300+ per hour. So the resentment of "you bill what my doctor bills and you didn't go through 6 years of medical school" is moot. I would love to shout that to the roof tops.

Maybe the best paragraph of all is this one:

"Even among the clients I accept to welcome, it is not always easy. There is the one who starts to grumble when giving me his envelope at the third session, thus sending me a message. This other man, a little too lonely, who thinks I am his partner and sends me many messages, drunk from finally finding acceptance from a woman. Or, the director's cut version of this client, so insecure that I have to overreact so that he hears that yes, I want to see him again, and that no, he hasn't "disappointed" me. The submissives with whom the session goes well, then will send me an e-mail even more precise than a thesis in nuclear engineering to tell me (order me?) their expectations for the next session, if not to tell me what I didn't do well enough in the last one."

Then the following paragraph about the ones we really like that end up ghosting . . . Spot on.

The only thing that really didn't resonate with me was the lack of social acceptance. Maybe it's because I became a pro at an age where I was less concerned about what others thought. Maybe it's because I have surrounded myself with kinky friends. I got the most flack from family and oddly enough - BDSM lifestyles - but in the end I chose not to care.

I am going to reveal a bit about myself here by saying that I don't know how anyone does this job without a supportive significant other. I know it's most client's fantasy that we are all unattached and therefore available, but really, why would we be? If we are so damned fantastic and desirable, why wouldn't some equally desirable person have already snagged us? An escort once told me that the hardest part of the job was going home and being alone. I died a little inside when she told me that.

Anyway, kudos to you on an excellent article. That degree of understanding should make you a wonderful client. I would love to experience that if you ever make it to Atlanta.

Thank you! I value your opinion as I've always appreciated what I read from you on these forums, it's so nice for me to get that elaborated feedback and compliments from you. I started writing only two years ago and I realize that it really suits me.

You're right, English is not first my first language. I write everything in French to keep my spontaneity and intuition with words, then translate it into English and publish both versions on my blog. It's always a bit frustrating as my French phrasing and vocabulary always are a bit more subtle than what I can do in English. I guess it's good enough as long as I'm able to pass on the emotion.


I think just like you that age can play a role in the need of social acceptance, so as the previous professional life (you were probably connecting both factors). Maybe a person who has had a regular job with a quite high social recognition in the past won't feel they had anything to prove to themselves and others anymore, thus more freely accept their new atypical position in society.

I agree with you also on the significant other part. A pro Domme most certainly is a great woman to be in couple with for an equally valuable partner, and not for her looks nor her leather pants, but because that life choice on the long term most of the time implies a way above-average emotional intelligence and self-reflection, which are to me key qualities in any relationship.
Though, I also know Dommes who make the choice to live alone and are quite happy about their life. So I guess there's no generalization that can be made when it comes to people's situation, as nobody has the same personal needs than any other person, regardless of their job. Though, it's clear that this particular job is way more demanding than the average! You only know better than me that it requires any form of support.

I know I'll come visit the US at some point in my life, but probably not in the coming years, and I'm only 26 so that could take a while ahah! I still have so much different cultures to discover in Europe. I am really flattered, and please know that the interest clearly is mutual.