In the last several days, I have read posts by three different posters who have expressed some regret about their mistress visits. They have expressed regret or mixed feelings or a wish or plan to quit, etc.

a few months ago, at maxfisch, one fellow wrote that his bdsm activities were a curse or he regarded them as a curse.

have any of you been blessed or helped or changed in positive ways as a result of your mistress visits?

Despite the posters who claim that mistress visits are a curse, there is one fellow who posted at maxfisch that he seemed or was more at peace after a mistress visit.

There is a book out by a former domme and she shares some of her experiences at various places. In one place . . . and I believe it was in a dungeon in New York . . . a fellow came in and expressed some of his fear of water. He had some fear of water due to some accident or incident when he was younger, if I recall correctly. As he expressed his fear, the two mistresses he was with grabbed him and with some force and insistence placed him as much as they could in a situation similar or identical to what he was afraid of. He did not directly ask for this, but they took his statements in a way that led them to place him in water.

I forget the details. I don't remember if they put his head in a toilet bowl or if they used some other container of water in some way.

Afterwards, he was grateful to them and the domme who is writing the book, implies he felt that they had helped him.

Do people see dommes for psychological benefits? Well, maybe not always, but for this one guy, in this one case, it seems like he did.

When psychological studies are done of bdsm populations or of bdsm populations compared with ordinary populations, bdsm practictioners seem to have better mental health and more happiness and less anxiety.

Which led to which? We don't really know for sure. However, what we do know is that various forms of bdsm have been practiced for thousands of years and that in those cultures in which they were practiced, they are sometimes a part of religion and sometimes considered good for health, healing, luck and fertility. Of course, pro-domme visits as such may not have existed in the same way at all points in known human history . . . but in Rome, there were women who ran nude in the streets while getting swatted for fertility. Among the native American Indians, it was common and expected in many tribes to undergo painful rituals to become considered an adult. In some native American Indian tribes, you got to get bitten by ants while bound or they were on you. The exact form of the practice varied from tribe to tribe . . . you did not pay a domme to bind you and feed you to ants . . . but your parents or tribe elders did it for you anyway . . .

So, I wonder if there is some psychological and spiritual benefits some of the people experience and which they simply do not report as much as you who are writing that you plan to quit or bdsm is a curse or . . .!!

I wrote yesterday that I am retiring from live sessions. I'm doing that due to, well, age and vanity. Guilt about monetary cost is a factor too.
For me, is this practice a "curse"? No, not really. Guilt? Of course. About what? That shall remain private.
But I have met and gotten to have known many imaginative, intelligent, funny, devious, seductive and gorgeous women I never would have met if I were vanilla. I have had sensual and sexual experiences (yes, sexual) with these women that were joyous and provided me at least with great pleasure. I hope I provided the same, along with my tributes.
I learned more about myself and understand others a lot more due to my purchase of Screw magazine in the early '70s and answering an ad to see Mistress Belle de Jour.
I could have saved more money, maybe accomplished a little more in my life if it wasn't for my "hobby" but that is in the past now. I hope I gave as much as I got... And a little more.

Thanks for sharing!

z

In my experience in BDSM scenes, both pro and lifestyle, there is at least as great a benefit as there is negativity over things like guilt or shame. I always ask for a report 2-3 days after a session to see how the sub processed it. I want to know about marks, potential sub drop, how well their limits were tested, etc. Most subs comply. I am often amazed by some of the positive benefits that subs attribute to the session. Usually they are work related - more focused, more motivated, more relaxed, etc. Some have been extraordinary.

I have at least 3 regulars that set an "intent" prior to sessioning. They focus on something they want to achieve or work through. I am a believer that the non-conscious mind can get a lot of work done while I am occupy the thoughts of the conscious mind. I have helped subs work through claustrophobia and abuse issues. However, it's important for us practitioners to remember that most of us are not trained therapists and tinkering with the mind is a real responsibility that can backfire. Aftercare is of extreme importance in scenes of this nature.

I have read plenty of reviews where subs talk about the healing or positive benefits of sessioning. The posts about sessions being negative tend to be of a singular nature and I think they just stand out more. My guess is the positive results outweigh the negative many fold - if it is approached correctly.

The things we know are . . .

male bdsm recipients of spankings tend to be happier than the population as a whole in Australia . . .
http://www.smh.com.au/news/National/Span...6696796042.html

practitioners in general in another study had other qualities "better" than the population as a whole
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/unique-everybody-else/201307/bdsm-personality-and-mental-health


there are a variety of recipients who report anecdotes of spanking/caning/whipping helping, ameliorating or eliminating depression

there is a clinic in Russia which canes for psychological benefits for depression and drug abuse

"The study compared the BDSM practitioners and the control group on the Big Five personality traits – neuroticism, extraversion, openness to experience, conscientiousness, and agreeableness – as well as on rejection sensitivity, relationship attachment styles, and subjective well-being (link is external) (happiness) in the past two weeks."

Comparing the BDSM group as a whole with the controls gives a rather favourable impression of practitioners. The BDSM group as a whole were on average more extraverted, open to experience and conscientious, and less neurotic, as well as less sensitive to rejection, more securely attached, and higher in subjective well-being than the comparison group. On the less favourable side though, the BDSM group was less agreeable. High extraversion and low neuroticism tend to be associated with greater overall happiness, so it is not surprising that people with these traits appear psychologically secure and to have high subjective well-being.

I believe I came to BDSM through some sort of subconscious or spiritual connection to it. It started as an escalation of sexualized behavior that peaked through identifying continually more extreme activities. So I saw a Domme, but I was not expecting any type of psychological or spiritual resolution to occur from the session or future sessions. But as I began to session and experience BDSM with multiple mistresses, I quickly realized there was one in particular that provided a very deep and intimate psychological connection. Through that connection I was able to open my mind and heart in ways I was never able to before. I was truly listening for once in my life and she was truly wise in the ways of spirituality, emotional intelligence, and psychological exploration. She was able to help me resolve an out of control sexual addiction of which I thought there was no help to be provided. The structured training of western medicine was unhelpful in the past in resolving my issues. But this channel seemed to work and particularly with this Domina, Dia Dynasty (she recently went independent). At the time I was seeing her as Mistress Zhao at the Fetish Fortress. Through a rigorous and multi-pronged training process together we solved the addiction. That was almost 2 years ago, and the training is still an effective deterrent to my previously addictive behavior. As mentioned above, it was not so straightforward as fear of water = immerse him in water. It was definitely a process borne of a dominant, but it was much more carefully prepared, it built up from subtle ways, and became very immersive. It was the right way to do it for me, because if I jumped steps in her program, I do not think it would have had the same effect. Anyway, I am really impressed with her intuitive and skillful ways to read and adapt to my needs. It was almost as if she could read and understand what I was thinking before I even knew which explains how she was able to tailor psychological conditioning specifically to my needs.

It appears that there are quite a number of people who have a similar view of the positive benefits from seeing Dia Dynasty, if we go by reviews and some other favorable mentions . . .

z

There is no doubt in my mind that my sessions have been of great psychological help to me. It has been along hard slog on more than one occasion and i am a far happier and more balanced person because of numerous, but never enough, sessions with Mistress Ayn.

If a sub visits a Domme for surface level play and some titillation then perhaps a lesser Domme will be fine. However, if a sub is seeking a more substantive relationship with their Domme then the game changes dramatically.

For me getting to the point where things start to get better in session, my post session mental health, and ultimately my life in general was when as a sub i knew i could really truly trust Mistress Ayn and stopped holding anything back.

This happened through baby steps over 5 years because I had a bunch of issues that were deeply hidden including PTSD, claustrophobia, being beaten as a child, the terror of being restrained, and also to recover from what i now know were sessions with Dommes who did not understand healthy session play.

Every sub is different and has different tapes playing that need to be turned off and new ones turned on before the session have true long term value. This transformation will give the sub better mental health and i think sometimes makes the Domme enjoy a session more with the sub because the Domne sees and understands what is happening and gets into a form of Domme space because both parties in the session have built a bond of trust and respect and are on a journey to a special place together. A place only they will ever share with each Other/other.

i used to write Mistress Ayn and give her a long wish list of things for a session, now i know better and show up for what She knows will be the perfect session for me that day. She knows my hard limits and that is the end of the story. i understand why i did that now, i did it to divert the session away from what i was afraid of and what i was hiding inside that i didn't want anyone to see or know about.

The first time She broke though the first wall (of many) i was distraught and did not know how to react or even tell Her later that i was alright. Many Dommes would have dropped me then but We/we were able to work things out and move onwards.

i have never been disappointed since i grew up and gave myself to Her 100%. Trust is hard to develop in this world and in some cases our Dommes know more about what resides deeply hidden in our hearts and souls than our family, our lawyer and our best friends.

i think the one thing that is not mentioned is that the intellect of the Domme is not appreciated to the extent that it should be. When someone is deep inside your head they need to be part psychologist, part probation officer, part Dominatrix and always looking out 100% for the sub's best interests.

A domina has your emotional life in your hands, they know you better than you do in some cases. If She knows you for an extended period she will know what will work, and what you think you want. I begged one mistress for a strap on. She refused and looking back i am glad she did.