Post service depression

So... wanted to come on here and talk about my latest crazy adventures but instead, I am unmotivated and depressed while watching romantic comedies from the 90s that are remakes of classic movies from the 50s and 60s I believe (a combination of "Sabrina" and "You've Got Mail"... switching back and forth when one goes to commercial).

Basically, I was in personal service to one of my Dommes from last Friday until I drove her home yesterday (with a two day break in the middle to fly across the country to serve and be played with by another... see... that's the story y'all want to hear rather than this crap). The thing is, after being under her control like that for basically 10 days, the lack of it is really evident in a way that I normally don't feel while just playing and it sucks.

I know it is just the crash but I really don't ever crash after a session. My question is whether anyone else does so after sessioning if is this is unique based on my circumstance (who else ever is under a Dommes control on such a temporary basis)?

As someone who aspires to one day be in a personal D/s relationship with a Mistress, your post piqued my interest on multiple levels. A FemDom relationship should be, I think, a source of peace and comfort to both parties. Maybe I'm trying to read your mind a little too much, but it seems D/s is becoming an unsettling presence in your life.

Here are just a few of my thoughts:

1) You may have too many "irons on the fire" right now. You mentioned that you were in personal service to one Mistress and flew cross country to session with another. That has to be taking a toll on your mental and physical well being. I can understand the desire to "play the field" and play with multiple dommes to get more experience in the lifestyle. But you're placing yourself in danger of serious burnout.

2) You were frank and forthcoming regarding your recent "crash." Have you shared this with the Mistress you serve? If she's responsible, she'll listen to you and help you work through this. I would hope that a wise domme would realize that the mental and physical well being of her submissives is essential to healthy service.

3) Take a look at the non-BDSM aspects of your life. How are you doing with self-care? Sleep? Exercise? Diet? Hobbies? Get out and smell the roses every now and then. And no, binge watching RomComs won't do the trick. Get out into the sun.

When I first got into the Scene almost 18 years ago, I went too far too fast. I ended up going "cold turkey" and exiting the lifestyle for almost a year and a half. Thanks to some very compassionate, wonderful Mistresses I was able to make a re-entry.

You make a lot of wonderful contributions to the lifestyle (e.g. your yeoman's work on Mistress travel schedules, thoughtful posts, etc.), and trust me when I say I want to see you keep up a robust and active presence in the lifestyle. But you can't do that if you allow yourself to get run into the ground.

And if you feel you're being guilt tripped or pressured by a Mistress into maintaining a too frenetic pace, it may be time to reconsider whom you're serving.

Let us know how things develop. Take care.

Will work for spankings,

You make several good points. I hope Aspx listens

I really don't recall ever having a crash. In my Flavors of Subspace thread I do talk about immediate post session subspace and this flavor tends to be connected with a feeling of being tired (though not an intense lethargy) and more often than not I go to bed early. I do not consider that to be a "crash"

However I never did anything multi-day (it is rare that I do more than two hours)

I am going to raise one issue. I am going to make a guess that the 10 day period of unlocked chastity you posted about on Mistress Ayn's forum is the same as this one. I am going to quote your own words there:

"However, I believe that there is a lot of testosterone flowing as I spank it uncontrollably like a complete monkey-boy."

I am going to ask how many orgasms you had then. If it was a hat trick (or more) I think that might be playing a role in your crash

wllwrk4spankings,

Thank you so much for taking the time to put together a thoughtful answer as you did. I definitely appreciate it, but my circumstances are pretty bizarre and therefore what you put together really isn't applicable to my craziness. I actually do not have a Mistress, and have never been (or probably ever will be) collared by someone.

What I have is about a half dozen Pro Dommes that have developed a more personal, and in some cases service oriented, relationship with (In addition to many Dommes I have sessioned with, some multiple times, but have never crossed the boundaries of a standard Pro/client relationship). This service tends to come into play either when they come to visit Detroit or when we decide to travel together to some other city where they will be sessioning.

None of them are local to me so I don't think I have ever been "in service" (which is the only time I am fully dedicated and monogamous with one) to a Domme longer than a week before this. I also normally make sure that there are no scheduling conflicts between my service to one of my Dommes and anyone else, whether that is another of my Dommes or me visiting/sessioning with someone else (my polyness and ability to see others is all above board and understood as part of all of my relationships).

In this case, I had scheduled travel to see one of my Dommes on the 1st of August, returning home on the 2nd, a couple of months ago. This is pretty normal for me, except one of my other Dommes came to town unexpectedly and that is who I was in service to over the full 10 days, with the break in the middle to visit the other Domme.

As part of our tradition, I actually wear a token of my submission in a public way whenever I am in service to her and must do a specific task every hour on the hour whenever we are not physically together (and I am awake) to remind myself of her control (what this specifically is, I will not say as it is a private thing between the two of us). I did this from the time she ordered me to do so before I picked her up from the airport until I got on the plane to go visit my other Domme (who promptly ordered me to insert the Hush device and used it to remind me of the fact that I was in service to her until I returned home, which was basically two days being plugged and remotely controlled). I then removed the Hush and placed the token back on, where I did my task every hour until I returned home on Monday morning (after driving my Domme that was visiting here back home).

From a play perspective, there was a quick one-hour or so session Monday night in a dungeon I have access to and then a couple of hours of play once we got back to her place this past Sunday night. In the middle, there was the 2-3 hours of session time with my other Domme but that was basically it from a BDSM perspective. The rest was all service (mostly chauffeuring in addition to the hourly task).

On Monday, I took off the token after 10 days and the crash happened later on that day. Today, I am totally fine again but when I wrote the post on Monday I literally couldn't motivate myself to turn off the TV and do the simple work related to the Domme travel or unpacking or cleaning up around the house that I needed to do. Writing the post and replying to another friend on FetLife about something else helped, but I still just rolled over and went to sleep afterwards (thus why I call it a crash).

I don't think this is something you would feel in a personal D/s relationship because this is a product of the temporary nature of my service. I also have never really felt it as part of a post-session experience because that is never a long enough period of time. I have felt something similar as a Dom when after my sub left town after a few days, I was still euphoric for a day or two then BLAM! total crash so I was equating what I felt Monday night with what I had felt then but hadn't really heard of others having these same kinds of experiences so I thought I would ask.

Thomas,

You are correct that the unlocked chastity was something I was ordered to do as part of this 10 days of service. I will also answer your question and say it was more... one orgasm under her direction and at her order on Sunday night, then four monkey-boy times in the next 20 hours or so (it was the only thing I could motivate myself to do once I completed the long-ass drive home and removed the token of my service).

The multi-day thing wasn't about sessioning or play. Overall, I would say that in the 10 days there was only 5-6 hours of actual play with that being spread between two different Dommes over three different days. However, there was service and tasks as well as a deep sense of control by a Domme throughout the 10 days, that was totally gone once I got back home.

I do understand what you mean by being tired and lethargic, but that is not the same thing as feeling depressed (which does manifest itself in those things as well as sleeping almost constantly and only waking up to masturbate then going back to sleep).

Today, I am over it and back to normal but there was definitely a crash yesterday which I agree with is very different from what you have experienced post-session.

Asp

I am glad you have recovered, asp. It's no surprise this happened though. you were on a 10-day adrenaline rush (and a roller coaster of any number of hormones) followed by monkey boy activities that left you spent in so many ways. your body had to chemically get back in line. you are fortunate that it only lasted a day. Welcome back!

Aspx,

Glad to hear you recovered.

Asp, Next time you're feeling blue you are always welcome to speend a week or two with Us at Atlanta Dungeon.

Mistress UV

Suddenly I am feeling like "Depressy Smurf" for some unknown reason.

"Oh... how can I even go on?!?" *back of my hand to my forehead as I slowly swoon onto a chair*

Maybe make that "totally unconvincing actor guy playing a smurf" but I don't care as long as it gets me in the door. Although I am sure that by the end of that amount of time in Y'alls clutches my balls would be very blue, as well as lots of other parts of me that would be various shades of black, blue, purple and yellow.

Asp

Some guys have all the luck