Nerves of Aluminum

I am so nervous right now. I can't really remember the last time I was this nervous before meeting someone but I would say it was probably about a little over two years ago (although I don't think that reached this level).

The last time I played, I should have been much more scared/nervous that right now. I mean, that time I came into town for a day and was told not to get either a rental car or a hotel room but to just message once I landed and I would be given further instructions for the 27 hours of service that would make up the entire time I would be in town.

When you are talking about an incredibly creative Domme with a whole list of evil plans and Domme fantasies that she wishes to explore with you, that should be scary as fuck. You should be insanely nervous and shaking in your shoes when you try to text her to let her know you have landed. Instead, I had nerves of steel. I wasn't either scared or nervous, it was pure excitement... It was just "ok... hold on... this is gonna be a bumpy and very enjoyable ride".

This case is different, I have nerves of aluminum right now. All the nervousness is rattling around and making a cacophony of sound in my head. I am totally focused on all the things that can go wrong. Will I get enough sleep (if any) tonight. When should I eat? When should I "clean" myself? When should I take vitamins? Need to hydrate, but not so much that I need to go to the bathroom constantly. Will I get distracted and miss making the confirmation call? Will I be able to find a quiet place to make that call? Will I be able to get there on time... but not too early or even a minute late. Is there a public bathroom available around where the session is taking place so I can expel one last time beforehand? Will that end up making me late? Will the weather and the travel come together to make me a complete stinky mess even though I will take a shower only a couple of hours earlier? What if there is traffic or I get caught up in a work thing when I need to leave to head towards her? When I meet her, will I be able to even articulate properly, let alone go through my list of limits and medical concerns to look out for? Will I even get her name right or will the way I have been saying it in my head be the wrong pronunciation? ...and on... and on... and on... and on...

This has been going on since this afternoon. I am not actually afraid of what will actually happen in the session from an activity perspective, I totally trust the skills of the Domme. However, I am just nervous as hell about my own performance. I desperately want to impress her and to do everything perfectly for her. Instead of just wanting the experience of what is is like to serve her (which is my usual focus), I want to perform to the best of my abilities as a sub. I desperately want to connect and get the Yin/yang of Domme/sub space.

Usually, I am cocky as hell about my ability to perform and please a Domme but this time I feel like a geeky-ass teenager who is about to get up in front of the entire school to make a speech that will determine whether I will get into a decent college since it is being recorded and sent off as part of my application. This is so not normal and extremely uncomfortable for me, but also thrilling and exhilarating in a twistedly subbie way.

By this time tomorrow it will all be done and I will be on my way back home... maybe then I will be able to breathe again. I know this post should be a question to the board about whether you have nerves of steel or nerves of aluminum before a session and whether the Dommes ever get rattled like this (especially when they have done a lot of planning and really want things to go to plan), but really... I just don't care about your shit right now.

Asp

She will make everything alright. Until she decides to turn everything upside down. And turn you inside out. ENJOY!!!

A lot of the reason I posted this thread was this question, I was just being a smart-ass at the end about not caring or wanting your experiences.

So how did this session turn out (you seem to be overthinking it in advance not unlike a bride to be who worries herself sick because she wants her wedding to be Perfect)?

It went great other than the fact that she didn't turn me into her bride DAMMIT!!!!

Actually, it was an amazing session and I managed to get there on time (although barely and extremely sweaty so I had to take a shower before we got started). She was so easy and her attitude was so amazing that the nervousness disappeared as soon as I kneeled to her. As for my own performance, I only screwed up her name a couple of times but I don't think she actually noticed it when I did it. Other than that, none of my fears about what could go wrong came to pass (although there were a couple of things that almost screwed things up).

I don't think it was the best session she has ever had (which is what I strive for) but I do think she enjoyed my service. For me, it was as great as I was both hoping for and expecting it to be.

AspX, One very important question who is this "incredibly creative Domme."

I have to see her!

CBTLover,

Sorry... In that specific case, it is someone I have been seeing for years and we have a great relationship outside of session so what she does with me is based on it not being a purely Pro/client relationship anymore (to put it into perspective, my cost for all the craziness we had was the equivalent of a two hour session rather than a full-day or even over-night session).

I respect the privacy of the Dommes I see and what we do together so I don't connect names unless they have specifically told me it is ok to mention them or our activities publicly (which is why I didn't mention either this Domme or the one that I was so insanely nervous about seeing yesterday). That particular Domme is ok with me promoting her and talking about how good she is in session in a general sense so I have recommended her when people ask for Dommes that do certain things in certain cities. However, in this case, I don't feel comfortable connecting her with my comments.

Having said all of that, I know Mistress Ayn is every bit as creative in what she does at FemDom Mansion and Atlanta Dungeon as the Domme I was referring to so if that is the kind of experience you are looking for, that is exactly where I would start if I were you.

ASPX- to me the anticipation of the session is one of the most fun parts, I Love that nervousness and buildup. sounds like you had a great time- Glad you did!

Oh, if only I had read this prior to our meeting! Even more ammunition I would have had to fuck with your mind . . .

It was good to finally meet you "in the flesh", asp.

Did you seriously screw up the pronunciation of My name? In fact, I don't remember you actually saying My name, just "Mistress". Chicken. I demand a redux.

you provided Me with a lovely time of utter submission and it was just what I was in the mood for. I love that dreamy look when you are letting go and it's easy and fun to get lost in it with you - which I did. I am actually honored that you would travel that distance to see Me. Now, if I can just get you in a real dungeon . . .

Mistress Ayn,

Yes... twice... and I did say it about a dozen times but I probably said it softer than the "Mistress" portion because I was never confident about not screwing up. As for being "chicken", I just believe discretion is the better part of valor and the better part of valor is avoiding a massive beating for saying your name as if it rhymes with "pain" rather than "mine".

And, your favorite moment of the session was completely based on my fear of doing it again. When you asked if I could talk, I just panicked and nodded yes instead of answering out loud. That was completely to avoid possibly screwing up the pronunciation again rather than not actually being able to articulate an answer.

Y'know... I have access to a real dungeon in Detroit...

I am so glad you didn't because who knows how that would have changed such an awesome experience. However, I must admit that I knew it was a very real possibility when I wrote about it... I just literally needed to vent it out because I was so crazed in the hotel room the night before.