Stalkers

A few hours ago I had a two hour session. I think it best for this post not to give out the name of the Domme. Neither am I going to do a detailed review but will say it was an excellent session. Originally it was scheduled for Monday afternoon but she contacted early Monday morning and asked that it be postponed to Wednesday.

After the session she told me the reason why she asked for the postponement. Over the weekend a strange package was delivered to her. She showed it to me and it was full of freaky creepy obsessive stuff (I won't get specific). At least there was no death threats. She is unsure whether or not she wants to contact law enforcement. It still had her very upset Monday which is why she wanted to postpone things two days.

I told her it sounded like a stalker and she agreed. I asked if she had problems with stalkers before. She said, "yes, three times".

Driving home I though about this and regrettably concluded that this must be a not uncommon problem in pro domination.

Just like you, I have the kind of relationships with some Dommes that they are open and willing to discuss stuff like this. Based on these kinds of experiences and conversations, I would say that about 90% of Dommes experience some scary level of personal stalking at some point in their careers if they are active for a decent amount of time. By "scary level", I mean something that occurs that scares or unsettles the Domme in the same way that the Domme you saw currently is.

I actually think my estimate may be low but I know of at least one Pro (since retired) who was active for a little more than three years who this never happened to, so I can't say it is 100%. However, three different Dommes I have had more than just session relationships with have told me stories of how they have had to actually file restraining orders against a stalker and one legally changed her identity as a result of one (although that was well before I met her and may not have been specifically Pro Domme related).

Those are truly the worst of the cases but every Pro Domme I know that talks to me as a real person (rather than purely maintaining Pro/client distance) has told me some type of story like this. In many cases, it is because like your circumstance, they just need to talk about something that just happened. Even the one that I mentioned earlier that never had a scary encounter, had a guy who would randomly leave new shoes for her outside the dungeon. However, this confused more than scared her when it first happened since he didn't leave a note with them beyond "for Domme ..." and eventually it went from random to more of a ritual that he did a day or two before a session. Therefore, she wasn't surprised or scared when it happened (but someone less easygoing may have reacted differently).

This is the biggest reason why Dommes are rightfully wary about clients (even ones they have known for a long time) and interactions beyond the walls of the dungeon. It sucks for those of us that really like to get to know and care about them as people rather than just a provider of Domme services, but is completely understandable. All we can do is to show we actually care about them as women and provide emotional support if they allow us to do so while not being offended or put out when they don't.

I appreciate your insightful and informative reply on this topic.

I can imagine how this could be very scary to anyone, Domme or not. I would think it best to report concerning activity like this to police, especially if She knows who the offending party is. Better to get a paper trail in place I the event restraining orders or other safety measures need to be implemented. Hopefully the Domme you mention is, and remains safe.

Only problem with going to police is that your information is now public record (especially to the stalker in question) and they are not exactly hospitable to Pro Dommes. Doesn't mean that it is a bad idea when something gets bad but you do have to understand consequences in relation to your anonymity.

Unfortunately this is a very real hazard for Dommes. Every Domme I personally know that has been doing sessions for any length of time has had some kind of unsettling experience.

Dommes are like celebrities in a way. Our image is out there for all to see. Many have films/clips to further fuel the fertile mind of a would be stalker. So it's easy for an unbalanced individual to become obsessive. The nature of our business is fueled by obsession to a certain extent.

I have been fortunate (knock on wood) and extremely cautious. In a previous post about relationships with Mistresses I was adamant that I don't believe in carrying relationships (especially romantic ones) outside of the dungeon. I am aware of two such instances where a significant other ended up dead at the hands of an unhinged stalker.

Most "stalking" is harmless, but you never know when it will turn ugly. About 4 years ago I got a text that said: "Hello Mistress Ayn. Or would you prefer (insert legal name)". To make it even creepier, My real name has a odd spelling that I don't even use. He had to dig this up on some legal document, which means he put some real effort into finding My legal name. This is not someone I had ever seen before. He had sent texts before ranging from nasty to wanting to book a session, so I had him in My contacts as a wanker. A year or so later I found out that on at least 2 occasions he had set up an outcall with a Domme and then held her against her will. One he kept on a boat for 3 days, so far away from shore she couldn't swim back. The other he held for several hours. He didn't physically harm either Domme - but I can only imagine the psychological toll. This is a person that should be reported to police before he harms someone, but as AspX said later in this post, that has it's own risks and most Dommes aren't willing to take that risk.

Exactly.

These types of scenarios are always troubling, i do understand the lack of anonymity and related concerns. i hope that mistresses are taking steps to be able to defend themselves (dogs, weapons, maintaining privacy firewalls) and while i believe we live in the greatest country in the world, i hate that violent stalker behavior is still a common threat. be well!

Mistress Ayn,

Your frank candor is appreciated. Glad to hear you have been lucky in this regard and I hope your precautionary measures continue to prove efficacious.