Impact of clips on scheduling sessions

Yesterday I received an application from a newbie. He chose his interests from mine as listed on the form. Everything seemed normal and we set an appointment for later in the week. This morning I receive an email from him canceling because he had watched some of my clips and said he didn't think he was up to it.

Of course I responded by saying that clips are not necessarily indicative of what an actual session is like. They tend to be extreme because that is what people that buy clips want. However, it made me ponder how often this happens - that a subs sees clips and is put off by the intensity of the scene. Usually I hear the opposite: "please wear the outfit you had on X clip" or "will you use the paddle you used in Y clip?", etc. but I'm curious - does this happen often with novices and they just don't tell us? Or was this a unique event ?

What's your opinion?

I've been put off by clips (and web sites, too). When I read a review of how good a mistress is at spanking, which is really my only interest, and I see a video of her wearing leather and beating someone tied over a piece of furniture, I stop thinking about going over her knee for my kind of session. Or when someone lists "domestic discipline" as a specialty and all of the photos on her web site are strictly dom-fetish, there's nothing that tells me that she is able and interested in doing what I want.

I'm not a good submissive - I don't like thinking about things I don't enjoy as limits, I want to explain what I want and ask if that will work. If all I see are photos and videos of the mistress as a traditional dominatrix with whips or huge paddles, that doesn't offer me any confidence that she'll wear a skirt and spank me over her knee with her hand.

I suspect that it's true that the videos most people want to buy are of things that they don't really want to do themselves. It's like "I'm kinky, but not THAT kinky." But if I'm booking a session, I want to know that I'm booking time with someone who isn't principally an actress.

I went a couple of rounds with Irene Boss about this on Max Fisch. She made it clear that videos (at least the good ones) are scripted and everybody knows what's going to happen. That's not to say that beatings in videos aren't real, but that it's not necessarily indicitive of a live session with a client. But if the prospective client doesn't know that, he could come to the conclusion that the mistress in the video is not right for him.

It's difficult to be in both businesses where one isn't necessarily intended as advertising for the other.

(later) - Just as a benchmark, I've sessioned with a few "spanking video stars" and have not been disappointed. I think that perhaps with the exception of Miss Chris, who I first discovered through a non-commercial video clip, all of my sessions with the stars have been the case where I heard about them before seeing a video, and seeing the video helped me to decide that I really wanted to see them and that it wsn't just a fantasy. Snow Mercy, Lily Starr, and Clare Fonda come to mind.

I do use videos as a reference, but it's usually the other way around. It's like, wow this Mistress is so cruel and sadistic, I want to session with her. Clips by Cheyenne, Le Monde, Mistrix, Bijou Steal have made me feel like I want to session with them if I could because they show an exceptional level of skills and sadistic pleasure. Even though I am not that hardcore, I know they would calibrate it to a suitable level down for me. But not all Mistresses can take me to my limits.

I have not seen many Mistresses' clips, including yours, so that's not to say the above mentioned are the only exceptional ones. The gist is that, videos are a good way for me to identify Mistresses I want to see. I think the same applies to Your subs whom want you to do or dress the same as in the clips.

But not all subs are the same, perhaps some are into sensual domination and may be scared off by more cruel videos. Whereas some subs are bored by sensual domination and want more hardcore action. videos are a good way to find out what a Domme can do, but that sub that cancelled on you, made the mistake of assuming it shows what a Domme cannot do.

seeing some of your clips listed on clips4sale made me more inclined to see you than less . . . cause I like the idea of dommes who will push limits . . . Now, a few years ago, when I was just beginning, I might have had an opposite reaction . . . If I felt that the session might get uncontrollably out of hand and if I were a newbie, I might have been afraid of the idea of seeing you.

Also, about scripting or not, one or more dommes makes it clear that her videos are produced from live and mostly unscripted sessions and one or more dommes claims the exact opposite . . . and I think they all have been telling the truth about their scripting or lack of it. I think it is ok to have both kinds of clips and some of the unscripted are even more interesting.

There are some clips in which we mostly knowing the ending, but we don't know the choices along the way and the reactions . . . I have watched ten times as many "mostly unscripted" scenes as I watch "known-to-be" scripted ones. "Mostly unscripted" might include the domme deciding how much to whip or cane . . . the person crying or begging for stopping or using a safeword to get out . . . or certain activities such as cum-eating or gs or . . .

Also, one nice thing that clips may show is what a domme is capable of and some of what she likes.

My comment is not about clips but about pix and descriptions on Mistresses sites. I was intrigued with a picture on a female fitness/bodybuilding site showed Goddess Vegas in a tight, light blue fitness outfit, showing her abs with the slacks that hugged her finely trained calves. When I read her restrictions and her emphasis on scissors and lift & carry I resisted contacting her for six months. Finally I did when she came to NYC and we talked. It turned out to be the most dominant Domina I have ever served. Wound up in deep, DEEP subspace doing things I never thought I would. You never know unless you communicate directly. Same was true with Empress Dominique who is one of the most gorgeous dominas I have ever served.

Thank you all for your feedback. I like to think that clips do more good than harm when helping a sub make a decision to book or pass. A static image can only show you so much. A Domme comes alive in her clips. You can see how she moves, how she laughs, what her voice sound like and so much more.

Ironically the sub that cancelled, emailed this morning saying wanted to reinstate his appointment, because it was all he could think about. I guess he got over how "extreme" I am.

I completely agree with you Mistress that a clip does give you a good hint about the Mistress. Glad he got back to you.

Nice that everything went fine at the end.

I think every newbie should be aware that clips and his session are totally different. One reason is that in most cases the filming slaves are experienced slaves (no one is born a "slave"). Second the intensity of the play can also be higher because often long-term or personal slaves are participating in the filming. This means the Mistress knows them and their reactions well, which helps her in more severe clips. Third every good Mistress will respects limits (although it can't be excluded that she will try to expand them if the limit applies to a activity she likes. But she will not go from 0 to 60 in the first session).

Yes . . . as a result of your sharing the story, I visited your clips4sale . . . and when I have some sufficient funds, I would be inclined to visit you, but that may be several years away . . . So, clips by themselves cause some people to wish to see you . . .

The funny question now is whether the clips will influence him in allowing you to be a little more extreme than he had expected before he saw the clips! At the beginning of some visit, you can scare him by telling him you love to push limits a little! But if it would scare him too badly, save the idea for a 4th or 5th visit!

Dear Mistress Ayn,

i think everyone seeks out a Dominatrix differently, for that first session, because different things both appeal and turn off the prospective sub. For me it has always been the writing first, appearance and demeanor second and by then the clips are sort of irrelevant. Hearing the clips does allow One to hear the Domme's voice in session and one can also detect if the session is being actively lead by the Domme or "phoned in" for lack of better words.

The more experienced a sub becomes through physically seeing and serving other Dommes, the better that they can assess the quality of the session as well as the persona of a New to them Domme . When i first came to see and serve You, there was no doubt that i was both nervous and hesitant. i had had some bad experiences in the past and You were i believe my only hope, and my last chance.

After 5 years of Service i now subscribe to Ayn Rules so i can hear Your voice and re=live scenes that We/we have experienced together. Thank You

@Mistress Ayn

Great topic. I've been planning to do some clips in the near future, and I had wondered the same, as well as if subs would show up expecting the clip to be the same as real life, without comprehending that the dynamic would be different between people who've played together before.

Subs: Does it help if the Domme has a variety of clips showcasing her arena of interest, versus just the most extreme, or just more psychological with light SM?

It's great to hear the Mistress's voice and catch a glimpse of her communication style. If I am leaning toward a session and clips are available, I would likely try out one or two.

I often find, like actresses, Dommes are pigeon-holed into a market. For instance, dozens of ball-kicking videos. This is beyond uninteresting to me - and probably not all she is capable of by a long shot. But there's a market so an impression is created that she is over-committed to a particular fetish (that does nothing for me). While I understand this intellectually, it can be hard to get past all the same. I am, after all, looking for consensual/nonconsent partners. So doubts tend to be magnified.

I believe a mistress would benefit from showing 1 to 5 clips of every variety of scene she likes to do and enjoys doing enough that she would like to have new subs request them.

Sometimes, I actually scroll through clips4sale clips of a mistress, not to buy new ones, but to think about an idea I wish to experience, either with that mistress in particular or others in general.

If a mistress has clips that are mostly extreme (and many who create the clips for clips4sale do so) then, I would tend to expect that sooner or later, the mistress might gently push or explore similar extreme things, depending on limits we might have. There are many different types of extreme things: pain, hypnosis, two bad choices, being caned or whipped after the guy has come . . . There are probably extreme things I have not thought of or not noticed when browsing . . .

I think that one mistake some mistresses make is to make several dozen clips all of a different theme or scene . . . What I am happy to see is one or two ideas applied to a dozen different guys and we see how each one reacts and how things go with each one, differently.

Yes, I think having a variety of your talents showcased is best. You will find that certain genres of clips sell better than others and it's easy to get caught up in making only make those types of clips - but don't. Dommes like us that primarily do live sessions need to keep site of the big picture.

I try not to do anything in a clip that I wouldn't do in session - so it's not misleading to subs. I don't go topless in session. I don't go topless in clips. I don't allow intimate sexual contact in session. I don't do it in clips. Some Dommes don't agree with me, but I never have to back anyone down over it either. I did get talked into wearing a schoolgirl outfit for a clip the other day by another Domme - the first person that asks for that outfit will probably get bitch slapped ;-)

I wish you the best with your clips adventure!

All went well. He was extremely nervous - which I like immensely - but he turned out to be quite the pain slut. You just never know . . .

i have to agree with this stand. Don't do anything in clips you're not prepared to do in sessions. it's easy to be misconstrued by potential slaves: "if you're willing to do this with another slave, why not me? is it because i'm unattractive/you don't like me etc."

Personally, I'd rather do my research, ask around, and then take a chance, than be a fly on the wall by downloading her clips. It feels like I'm cheating both her and myself out of that exciting and anxious first encounter.

Counterintuitively, I usually buy clips to confirm that I *don't* want to meet a certain domme in person (although I may enjoy the clip itself). If there's someone I'm pretty intent on meeting, I'll typically just do it, and actively avoid setting any expectations or ruin the surprise. More than once, in fact, I've asked to start my first encounters blindfolded, and let her decide when to reveal herself. It's very dramatic!

I do like clips that give you an idea of a domme's personality in session-so much of a great session is the connection to the domme. I have scheduled sessions in the past, and will in the future due to the glimpses of personality gleaned from clips. Thanks!

Interesting turn of thought - watching clips to rule out a session.

@mistress genesis . . .

if you do things that are more unusual or more extreme you have a greater chance of other people paying for them, because there are dozens and hundreds and thousands of more normal clips . . .

However, if you only do what is more extreme and unusual, persons who might visit you may get an incorrect idea of visits with you, unless your sessions themselves tend to be highly extreme and unusual, even when there is no filming.

I am probably diff from a lot of subs. If and when I view a clip, I am wondering how real it is in various ways.

Some mistresses create clips in which the mistress and the guy know in advance the twists and turns, if any, of the session. They use known regulars who can do or tolerate certain things . . . Other mistress simply video many of their sessions as a matter of course.

Real session vids intrigue me more cause there is some possible drama and true surprise . . . However, even scripted videos are somewhat interesting if they indicate that the mistress would be severe or tough with me or other actual subs . . .

I often will rule out a session based on a clip or full video. I've been told by she-who-I-shouldn't-discuss that videos are always planned and aren't intended to represent what goes on in an actual session. She seems to be successful in both the video and sessioning business, so maybe her session customers either realize this or want to do what they see in videos.

We're all different, especially when it comes to our brand of kinkiness.

I have a problem with professional Dommes whose clips are not representative of an actual session. I truly believe it is a form of false advertisement. Many Dommes these days fly under the flag of what I do in a clip or video is not what I'll do in an actual session. My question is why make the clip if the activities-fetishes portrayed are not available to her clientele. I don't session with Mistresses who feel the need to make "Domme porn."

For my own sake I agree with you. When I used to do clips it was important that it represented my sessions. I can't be bothered explaining that there are two different versions of Domina M--video mistress and pro domme. No I looked at it as a little bit of advertising as well.

I am foremost an in person session mistress and a video mistress second.

M

I totally agree that clips do much more good than harm. And in fact, I recommend that all dommes create clips and sell them. I like the cruelty and sadism often showed in the clips. I would get disappointed if the session was significantly lighter than the clips. So when I session with any domme who sells clips, I let her know that I would like to experience the same intensity as in the clips.

Of course, everyone is different. So it is a good idea to state on your clips store and web site, that the actually session CAN be as extreme as the clips but doesn't have to be. It's important to state that upfront, instead of having to explain in an e-mail later. That's my opinion, anyway.

Personally, role play and theme based domination (such as military) turns me off. But I never assume that's all she does, unless she says she specializes in that and I don't see her talk about much else.

I agree with Mistress Ayn. But you also have a point. I think honest disclosure is important. As in... "It can be this extreme but it doesn't have to be." But if she does make extreme clips, she should be able to honor that request from a client if such request is made.

Ahh, cbtlover, it is refreshing to see someone actually put this out there. In the drive to sell more and more clips, some Dommes have gone that route. I remember several years ago a Domme asked in a open forum what we thought about her filming sex scenes with her personal sub. Most of the Ladies replied and said, "It's your business what you do and don't do, so if that's what you want, go ahead." I was one of the only voices of descent. It is her business, but subs are going to expect that in session. Then they may expect that from other Dommes as well.

My interest in making clips was not originally money driven. I didn't care if they made money or not. I just wanted subs to be able to see Me in action.