How did you learn etiquette?

How did you learn etiquette in approaching Pro-Dommes for sessions? I am regularly contacted by people whom appear clueless,as opposed to rude, but I still can't see them.

Sometimes, I will hear back from apologetic subs later, once they realize what they did.

I am interested to hear how people learned what's appropriate.

I've always found that basic manners work just fine. Approach a Domme with respect and be polite and things will go well.

Most "education" happens via the internet these days. The most prevalent indiscretions are asking for something inappropriate because they saw it in a clip. Ignorance from a newbie is one thing. They will normally commit their faux pas in their initial email communication. When I correct it they either apologize and we move on, or they don't. Disrespect from subs that have seen Dommes is another thing entirely. There are two area Dommes, that when I see their name listed as a reference, I know I have my work cut out for me. These subs are usually fine in email contact, but in session they are very likely to call Me honey (or some other endearment) or grope me. You can imagine how that goes over.

That is a case of the "sub" seeing Dommes as fantasy providers that are really under their control because they hired them. It's the Dommes fault for allowing this behavior to go uncorrected and be foisted onto other Dommes. I remember seeing a documentary about the evolution of BDSM and it showed a wealthy man visiting a brothel to be dominated by three prostitutes (this was in Victorian England). On his way out the door, he made the three women curtsey before he gave them what I assume was their tip. This is what these men remind me of. Thankfully I don't get them that often anymore, but when I do, I feel it is my duty to educate them.

Well,

there is also the idea of writing on your contact area . . .

"If you are clueless when writing to me, we shall do 30 minute of caning without a safeword for our visit and then discuss good manners . . ."

That's a life lesson that is not just about dominas. I learned etiquette from my Mom and my aunts - be polite to women of all ages, especially older ladies. And when I had my first session in NYC I was 20 and my first domina was Mistress Belle De Jour. She had to be in her late 40s, probably 50, approaching my Mom and aunts ages. I was, and still, into role play so following her lead and being polite just fell into place for me. I realize I acted then like a servant even though it was a "shipwrecked sailor / jungle queen" scene or something like that. I've had sessions off and on since back then (the '70s) and now I act like a Mistress has hired me for entertainment so I get in the right frame of mind prior to and during the session. Belle was very exotic and sexy to this relatively innocent boy and I saw her a few times over the years, the last time after a long absence, in the early '90s. Older? Yes. But as erotic as hell. She recommended me to see Mistress Gloria (a niece?) and a couple of other ladies in the '80s. The most important person she recommended was Ava Taurel who I served several times in session when she worked with Belle and later on, '86, when she went independent. She was a handful and very erotic and imaginative. (Sorry for the long post.)

that is appalling!

in one of the sessions before i left, the mistress made me crawl all the way to the door kissing her shoe, and ground my face with her sole to the floor before kicking me out. that would be a so much more appropriate ending to a session.

I was very polite and tried to make things easier for the Mistress, i.e. Show a Gentleman like behaviour all the time. Additionally I focused on the reaction of the Mistress, trying to identify if I made something wrong and to make it right the next time.

There is a detailed post on fetlife about etiquette when visiting a Pro-Domme follow this link if you are a fetlife member and interested.

do not go

This is hilarious. I am literally laughing out loud.

Excellent link. I have experienced pretty much everything on that list, at one time or another.

I run into things like guys saying, "I'm not a cop." Well, that usually means that either the person is a very bored cop calling everyone in the Adult section of a website, or he is expecting "extras" that I don't give, and he thinks that disclaimer will make sex happen.

It's possible that the person calling is young and saw a movie that led them to believe that's a good idea to say, but I'm not going to see someone who says that.

I also run into a lot of novices wanting to know what I'll do to them. I tell them that not only is asking this question bad manners, but every session is customized, and I consider things like their reactions and body language during the session, so I couldn't possibly answer on the phone.

I run into guys telling stories of how they saw a Domme for their specific fetishes, and she either would not do something she claimed she was into, or did not have the equipment to do it. I tell them that I will gladly show subs a couple pics of equipment (check the website), but I don't promise things on the phone, both as a legal consideration, and for etiquette. There may be a big reason why someone didn't do something to them. Maybe a guy wanting to be put in heavy leather bondage has seeping wounds where a leather cuff would cover. Or a guy wanting CD said he's about a 40 waist and Large t-shirt, but turns out to be 6ft2 and 500lbs, so the options are limited.

Sounds like you'd have a lot of good stories from over the years. Have you ever considered writing your memoirs?

Ha! I have asked guys, "Is My name Mistress Baby? No? Is it Mistress Honey? No? Then call Me by My name: Mistress Genesis."

Yes, I have met men like that, or worse. Some "subs" think that giving tribute means getting whatever they want, regardless of if the Domme even states in advance that certain things are not options.

If only more subs were like you....

Thanks for the compliment but no. For the Mistresses' privacy, and my own, that might not be a good idea. One Mistress I first met in the late '90s, then we reconnected, a couple of years ago (she moved out of state) said I should after hearing a couple of stories so, who knows?

1 slap, good. 2 slaps, bad.

I have a link to almost the exact same posting on the contact page of My website that says: "If this is your first time contacting a ProDomme, read this first." The ones that need to read it the most, never do. Sigh.