Random musings from a session junkie

I’ve been sessioning a lot lately and was just thinking about what I would call “best practices “ from a sub’s pov. Just my thoughts on what has worked for me, actual results may vary ????

-Engage. It is amazing how much you can engage with and learn about a Domme prior to scheduling. My first session 20 something years ago, you picked an ad, called and hoped. Now reading her Twitter feed, joining her OF/LF, chatting or texting on SP/NF. I’ve found it’s been so helpful to find good matches with me this way.

-Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder, lol. Just my pov but I’ve found over the years I’d reach out to book when “worked up” and then day of session have cold feet. Going into the session in the same frame of mind as when I booked has helped immensely. It’s also led to some wonderful session moments - I did a double session recently after 3 weeks of abstaining and the 2 Dommes couldn’t stop gigggling and teasing me about it. Made the session amazing.

-Network. This seems so obvious, but took me years to learn. I’ve met great Dommes by asking Dommes I know if they know anyone in the city I’m traveling to, recently I just asked who the other Domme was in a picture they shared and next thing I knew I had a session booked with her! You’re not a time waster if you are: regularly sessioning with her, engaging on paid channels, sending gifts/tributes for references/referrals. I was always so afraid of over communicating I wasn’t using my network effectively

-Write your application like it’s the first time. A couple years ago a Domme gave me feedback that my session application was so vague it was useless. It dawned on me that as I got more seasoned, I got lazy, I made assumptions and didn’t share everything like I did when I was new to it. I feel like by going back to sharing more, my sessions have improved.

Curious if others have any tips/tricks. Dommes or subs.

Chi61... excellent advice. In my heyday I may have had six, eight sessions a year with mistresses I respected and considered real pros over a few decades. I'd add a few more points and not in order.

1. To abstain days, weeks before is great for you. For the Mistress... it might be entertaining for her, but you never know.
2. Do as much research, networking, etc. as possible before scheduling sessions. In all I have done, over the decades, it is best to make an appointment with the head on your shoulders versus the head between you legs.
3. It isn't all about you. I started out in the pre-online days. I always assumed if I went to a Mistress' home/workplace or dungeon that she thought I could be part of law enforcement or an axe murderer. It is easier now with all the deposits and online tools to find out who you are (and who she is) but be respectful. Act like YOU have been hired by HER.
There's more, but it's all about respect, dare I say fellowship.

JB

Good thoughts. Especially #3. I used to always ask before a session, if there was anything else the Domme wanted to do in session to make it enjoyable for them, or if there was something else she wanted out of it.

Respect is a great add. I always say approach booking a Domme the same way you would book any other professional.

On #1, I’ve not met a Domme yet who wasn’t entertained by it (or at least acted like they were) but it’s certainly possible. I suppose it may depend a bit on what type of session one booked. Idk.

“Act like you have been hired by her” It took me far too many years for me to be able to go into a session and just relax and let the Domme do her thing. I have a lot of regret about this. I’ve never thought act like you’ve been hired by her but it is a great way to think about it and next time I session I will remember the line even though I have gotten to the point of easy submission.

These are all good and I can’t think of much to add. Yes definitely abstinence is a good idea. I feel Twitter is great for getting the feel for a Domme so much so that now I have many many more Dommes I’d like to session with and I know I will never have the chance.

I don't have tips, certainly no tricks but have some thoughts. First it is not all about you nor is it all about her. Each relation is unique. I have different expectations from different mistresses.

I don't follow a scenario, I let things evolve. If you find a good relation, stay with it. Meet the person you think is the best.

I try and make any email clear and concise. I give a brief overview of myself, my experience, scene interests (often in point form) and how they align with the activities she will have listed on her website. I list my limits and make it clear that I understand hers. I'm also sure to include the duration I am interested in booking and a specific date /time of day (if that applies)

I've found showing you have read and understood any booking instructions can go a long way towards establishing a working relationship.

I am polite and respectful but not servile as I am not interested in booking any pro that maintains an over the top dominant attitude outside of session time.

Just my 2 cents but it has worked well for me over the years.

LOVE THIS

Those are all good ideas. I very much appreciate when a sub has spent some time reading things I've wrote -- especially as how it pertains to my approach or style. And then they can say, "I really like that you are X and do Y. That's what I'm looking for."

Aside from that, I've whittled my practice to get what I want out of my potential subs...but there's one area I can only do so much about: people communicating their interests and limits.

Some people seem to have a tough time describing what they want in the 3 hour session they're asking me for.

So, my "best practices" is to think about what you'd like the session to be like and communicate that to your Domme. This does not mean telling her how to run the session, just telling her what things you'd like to be included. Unless you want her to make all those decisions. But that is actually very rare. The guys who say they want that are actually assuming or hoping I do something. This has resulted in the occasional "I was hoping you'd do X, Mistress". But, wait? I thought you wanted me to choose everything?

So, in short: Be sure you're honest with yourself and your Mistress about what you're looking for. Then tell her. (Omitting her limits, of course.)

Don't you know Dommes are supposed to be mind readers?

I want the Domme completely in control and to make all the decisions. I want to be totally helpless and at her mercy......... but, she needs to do all the things that turn me on and none of the ones that don't. The intensity levels need to be not too harsh, not to soft but just right. The bondage needs to be tough and challenging but not too challenging. The time spent on each activity needs to be just right.

Oh, and I shouldn't have to ask for or explain any of this. She's just supposed to somehow magically know.

By the way, I have another scene name......it's Goldilocks.

All joking aside, I suspect Dommes feel that way about clients sometimes?

Very well put.

Over the years, I found that some clients want certain tasks performed in a certain way and are thrilled if you follow the "Script," they proposed. It was usually a fun, light hearted session that we both enjoyed. No heavy head trip. Just good fun.

Other clients wanted and needed "Mind readers." When someone is forking over the kind of money required for a session, especially an extended one, that puts a lot of pressure on a dom. At least, it did me. How not to bottom from the top but provide what the client is paying for? The method I eventually came up with was to ask open ended questions about previous and fantasized experiences, as well as how the client imagined feeling. The feeling part was key. As zen as it may sound, I'd spend 15 minutes before a session with my palms up to the sky releasing my energy. In the warm up with my client, he'd begin to surrender and release his. Then, I'd let the energy in the room guide the session. Sounds completely weird and, it was. After extended sessions, it would take a few days to get myself grounded. The client and I both had been on a wild emotional ride. But, it all worked.

To the original poster, I love his attitude. A client often makes or breaks or own session.

Great technique. For me, open ended questions presession and even after I'm restrained that encourage me to talk about past experiences, things Dommes have "threatened" to do or things I have seen or read about is an effective way to communicate interests and desires. I prefer to maintain the illusion of the Domme being 100% in charge and my being totally powerless so actually having to ask for things openly can be a mood wrecker and turnoff.

To be honest, I sometimes am. But I also am trying to control the scene. And so my primary focus in on doing that and not the ways the sub may be trying to steer me elsewhere.



Not often, actually. I think the better you are at the pre-production the less likely this is to happen. But, still, there are people who aren't being honest with themselves, so they communicate what they *think* they want and then realize it's not what they really want and a few times here and there this has been put in my lap.