When Did You Know?

Was there a specific time when it all just clicked and you realized, "Holy cow, I'm into kink?" For me, it was when a co-worker and I went into an adult book store to get a gag gift for our boss. There was a room full, to the brim, of BDSM gear. I was in my 20's and somewhat naive on such things. Yet, I was fascinated. It took a few years for me to act on it. But, the seed was planted that very day.

I was a relatively innocent 20 yr. old going to a commuter school who hadn't had a date in awhile. I was horny and visited a newsstand (remember them?). It was Manhattan in the '70s and picked up a copy of the controversial XXX newsprint tabloid Screw.

I focused on the ads in the back with grainy pics. There was a section for escorts and then one for S&M. A couple of the escort ads got my attention, but in the S&M section there was a small pic in an ad for a Mistress. She was a mature blonde with short hair, curvy, dressed in black with sexy smirk on her face. I knew next to nothing about the scene, but I was intrigued so the next day I called and spoke with her. The Mistress had that worldly, now gone NYC accent, tough and seductive as her picture. She asked me what I looked like and what I wanted to do. I had no clue, she suggested role play, and I was immediately turned on. The price was borderline expensive for a kid working less than part time ($35 for a 45 mins session), but I made the appointment.

The Mistress was the legendary Belle de Jour, and, looking back on that first meeting, she blew my mind in the way she taught me and treated this relatively innocent kid that day. Before we started she practically checked my age and did an interview on who I was, work/college, where I lived. I became a client of hers over a 20 year period, with plenty of gaps since I left the scene and returned several times. But I always went back to Belle and whatever dungeon she owned because she remembered me and I trusted her. We sessioned far less as the years went by. Belle began to refer to me to Mistresses that worked for her who would be compatible with me, and was usually around for my appointments. Her suggestions were never wrong. Belle used me once as a house slave and three times in training sessions. Hell of a woman.

When I was in 3rd grade, a nun made me put my hands, palm up on the desk. Then she smacked each one of them with a ruler. Although I was too young to equate it to kink, the feeling was powerful. I sat there looking back and forth between the red marks on my hands and her face. She was very pretty or it may not have had such a euphoric impact. On recess my classmates comforted me. It was my first lesson in aftercare. LOL.

My junior year in high school. There wasn't a specific Eureka moment but rather a dawning realization that took some time

I can’t say there was a specific time I knew I was kinky but I knew early on I had weird or abnormal desires. I’m talking 4 5 6 years old and even younger. It all started with foot fetish and just took off or blossomed from that into strong masochistic and submissive desires

As far back as I can remember, which is back to age four, I had an erotic interest in girls' bare feet. (Even though I had no idea what "erotic" meant at that time.)
By age 7 or 8, I knew that I liked to be tied up and tickled. (Again, not realizing that it was an erotic enjoyment.)
By the time that I was 13, I had read Richard von Krafft-Ebing's book (in English translation) "Psychopathia Sexualis," and I understood that I was not alone in having non-standard erotic interests.

Belle de Jour! You are a lucky man! I love hearing your stories. You've had amazing adventures.

It is interesting how childhood experiences can make some people bitter and others self aware. It is certainly not a one size fits all world.

Mine self awareness of gradual too. It was the one moment, in my mid 20's, when it tied together.

Same page. As an adult, I can see it from the childhood games I played and teenage behaviors. Back then, it was just growing up. I often wonder how many of the kids from my neighborhood turned out to be kinky. A few of them, I've stayed very close to over the years. But, I don't know about all of them. The dozen or so of us on the block playing innocent but crazy games was something else...right down to the human spanking machine everyone had to crawl through for their birthday.

It is great when you realize that you aren't alone. Foot fetish always seemed so normal to me that I didn't realize for many years it wasn't normal for a man to adore a woman's feet. My mother was a stay at home mom and my father, a dominant personality in our household. But, on movie nights, it was simply normal that he massaged my mother's feet and was especially attentive. She not only loved it. She expected it. When my boyfriends would ask to kiss my feet, it seemed natural. I never understood why they were timid about it. Coming to understand that, as an adult, cracks me up sometimes. The things I missed as being unusual to the mainstream!

Mine was gradual as well. My first inkling was in junior high. I was babysitting and the family had the book Scruples in their bookshelf. I picked it up and was blown away by the sexuality of it. None of this was covered in my birds and bees talk. It was my dirty secret when I babysat for them. I have often wondered if they knew I was reading it.

That is a great share. I used to look for the porn stash when I was babysitting. So did my friends. My guess is the parents knew and laughed about it with each other.

I discovered I was kinky when I was about 12 and purchased a copy of a book called The Pearl. It was a Victorian porn mag chock full of stories about whipping and caning. I found myself attracted to those stories and found the vanilla stories boring by comparison. A few years later, I met a very kinky girl in High School who was also into it and thoroughly corrupted me. Lucky me!