The Stigma of ProDomming

Recently, a woman running for Congress was outed as having been a dominatrix at an upscale dungeon in NYC. It is surprising she didn't realize this would come out at some time, somehow. Many of saw something similar happen to a well known and much loved dominatrix from New Jersey when she enrolled in the police academy.

The puritanical views on this are petty and hypocritical. It is not uncommon for politicians and off duty LE to patronize adult industry professionals, including dominatrices. They just manage to keep it quiet. All the same, someone's personal erotic life should be the least of anyone else's concerns. But, reality is, it isn't changing any time soon. It is also understandable that it could be a distraction to someone who sees a professional to know of their personal kinks. It doesn't make the hypocrisy right but, it is understanding.

Question for the men here: If your doctor, dentist, professor, whomever it may be had previously worked as a prodom and you knew this, how much of a distraction would it be for you?

To the ladies, has your career held you back from other activities in life?

One recalls well that doxxing the NY Post did to that paramedic who had an onlyfans too.

Oddly enough, the OP got me thinking of my younger days back in yeshiva in Israel: I was in a Talmud class of a rabbi who would paint landscapes in his free time and wouldn't even draw a picture of a sun for reasons pertaining to his understanding of rabbinic law. This rabbi decades ago was in the original stage production of Hair and was involved in the early stages of helping create what became the Rocky Horror Picture Show; he has his own entry in the RHPS wiki. How fascinating is that!? It's something he has talked about publicly...but he never talked about anything but matters of rabbinic studies to us in our class and we respected that; to my recollection, I never spoke to him about his past. I felt like it would've been improper for me as a student of his in Talmud to start prying about his history. So I didn't.

Similarly, if somebody I knew in a professional capacity previously had worked as a prodomme, god knows I'd think that was a fascinating thing about them...and as a client myself, I can't make my brain erase the fact that I know that about them...But I wouldn't bring it up unless they did. It's simply not my place.

I was a professor for 40 years.

One of my nightmares was walking into the commercial dungeon that I frequented for over 10 years and seeing, among the Dommes waiting between sessions in the common room, one of my students or former students.

This dungeon occupied the entire floor of a small building in Manhattan. Another nightmare was seeing, as I was leaving the elevator on that floor of the building in which the dungeon was located, the Dean of the College where I was employed waiting to enter the elevator. (There were five different deans over the years, but that didn't change the nightmare.)

So far, no.

I had two careers before I become a pro Domme, so that was never a concern. I don't plan on ever working for anyone else ever again. Ever. lol. I generally hated it. For me, there's little if anything more soul-crushing than being in a position where I'm working "under" a Boss who is some combination or demeaning, cruel, useless, and/or stupid.

Now, I just do my thing and navigate life as reasonably as I can, doing a job that most people do not understand and are too uptight to try.

LOL. I can so relate. When I left the corporate world, I vowed to never work for anyone who is dumber than I am. Like you, being a dom hasn't held me back from other opportunities as I've not desired to re-enter the mainstream job market.

Isn't it silly when society cares about a paramedic having an Only Fans but mainstream movies and models are quite risque? Lady Gaga played a vampire that ate an unsuspecting couple during an orgy in American Horror Stories. That was applauded.

I can understand. There have been several times, over the years, I've been in an awkward situation. Once, I was at my daughter's art show and bumped into a client. We were both cool about it and even laughed about it later. But, yes, I can understand the nightmares. You never know.

After my first session - a 20 yr. old college kid with little money - with a legendary NYC Mistress in the '70s - she asked me if I would like to go to a club (maybe Plato's Retreat?) and "recreate" our role play session. I eventually said no for fear of being seen by someone I knew or a prospective future boss (LOL!). I've feared getting outed over the years with a Mistress in a few situations.

Separately, I twice saw separate Mistresses I served in public, one going shopping and another at a business event. We ignored each other but it did shake me up.

As for hiring a doctor, lawyer, accountant, etc. and find out that they were/are a pro dominantrix, it might surprise me, but I would judge hiring them based on their expertise and pricing. (And P.S. - I have a neighbor who gives every outward indication of being a pro dominatrix in her fleeting conversations with her, and her attire. My imagination? Maybe. Would I ever pursue/inquire? Nope... too close to home for comfort.)

The only distraction would be that if I found her attractive I would occasionally wonder if she was lifestyle and if that presented an opportunity.

Do you sometimes wonder that about a woman when you are not aware of and ties with a kink profession? I've seen some of my friends trip over themselves when they see an attractive, assertive woman in business wear coupled with knee high leather boots

I will be honest and say it most definitely would not stop me from seeing them professionally but I don’t think I could put their past pro domming out of my mind so yes it would be distracting which is a good way of putting it.

Taking it a bit in a different direction if I was a coworker I think it it would be less distracting especially if she discussed it as a former job she did for whatever reason. You don’t want it to be sitting there like the elephant in the room.

I’m with you on my opinion on the puritanical views in this country. Very aggravating and frustrating.

I am not as focused on outfits as many subs are so this very rarely occurs with me.

Years ago I picked up a Pro Domme at the airport and drove her to a hotel. She was in comfortable clothes like sweats with her hair back and no makeup which is no surprise. Often when I see an attractive woman in an airport restaurant ball game etc I will think she could be a Domme but I know the odds are vastly against it.

It would certainly be a distraction to find out my physician had been a dominatrix but in a great and positive way. She is quite attractive and wears long, slinky dresses and high heels in the office and her staff loves to tease her about it. It would really be easy for me to go into submission to her during an exam and have a wonderful medical session as her subject!???? And I’d find many reasons to come back for more. Plus I’d remain confident I was also getting honest and appropriate medical care from her.

I think of dommes as people with a special personality and skill. Within the profession there are some who are excellent and others who are medium and others who are mediocre.

Of the dommes I have seen more than once it is because I esteem, admire or appreciate them. One was a nurse or similar health practitioner prior to domming . . . one was doing programming or coding, if I remember correctly.

In any case, I do not think of any domme in an stigmatizing way, other than some minor fraction are dumb and incompetent!

Oh, supposedly the escort seen frequently or repeatedly by Elliot Spitzer the guy of New York went on to do and perhaps is still doing futures or commodities trading. If so, she would likely be both highly educated and well-skilled. It is only a small fraction of traders in futures who do so successfully over time.

The Buddhist saying, if I remember things right, is no one steps in the same river twice, meaning, each person and situation is different, from hour to hour, from year to year, from moment to moment.

That quote is from the Greek philosopher Heraclitus who was not a Buddhist.

Ha, ha! We learn more of our history of philosophy today!

At this point in my life I don't believe it would be a distraction for me at all. I've actually been in this situation a couple of times. Maybe one time I developed a bit of a crush on the person, but it was manageable (and probably invisible to her) and did not affect the work.

Great philosophy. Too bad not more people can not be more open minded. :-)