Eros is dead

So eros guide has just ended the ability to post BDSM ads, and are now charging upwards of $150 for an escort ad. I'm really interested in why they are making this change and where to advertise now. I'm on Tryst but I've gotten ZERO clients from there, Fetlife is garbage, and all the rest are escort sites. I'm not opposed to advertising on there sometimes but it's more timewasters I have to sort through, I hate having to explain to someone why BBJs are not a BDSM fetish interest...

Where are some other sites submissives find Dommes?

Eros has been dead for some time now. The last two attempts I made to coordinate a session from an ad were clearly scammers on the other end. I agree though, there are no real alternatives. Tryst and Privatedelights seem like crap too. I keeping looking there because there is nothing else.

But I have the same escort/bdsm problem as you, but obviously opposite. Women advertise they do bdsm, femdom, etc, but if I inquire about something as general as “femdom”, I usually won’t hear back because they are escorts onlly.

As a submissive in my late 40s that only does professional scenes, these are tough times. I’ve been active for 25+ years and it’s never been hander to find sincere pro dommes.

Times have changed and in this case not for the better. I wish I had some great suggestions or secret sauce to recommend to you, but as joe notes in his post there are no reliable sites to find a ProDomme.

The best I can hope for is to do a simple google search in a given city for "Dominatrix" and then look at the search results. I look for professional websites and other social media presence that demonstrate some experience and some expertise. Once I have a name I then search that specific Domme looking for any kinds of reviews or social media trail. I even search the review forum here and on MF to see if there is anything useful posted.

Assuming no red flags pop up, I reach out to her to request a session and to discuss the details, being careful to follow her protocols. If those conversations go well I go ahead and schedule the session. It is a lot of work and far from foolproof, but it's the best plan I've been able to come up with to compensate for the lack of reliable places to look for Domme advertisements.

I know it doesn't answer your question and sorry I couldn't be more help, but this is what we subs are reduced to!
Jack

Sorry I don’t have better suggestions. Tryst and Eros are my go to’s. Part of the problem with Tryst is they intermingled Dommes and Escorts so unless you use a filter you get both in your search results. I suspect most folks looking for escorts don’t bother to filter out BDSM

I use Session Girls occasionally. While it’s primarily for wrestling, I’ve found a few great Dommes there. I also like NiteFlirt and Tryst for finding a Domme. While they are strict on not scheduling via their sites, I find it a good place to find someone, then track her down via her website, email or Twitter to schedule. Though not sure most guys put that much effort in, lol.

Good advice. That is pretty much what I have always done. When this board, The Hang and AllStar Dommes were more active asking for advice often was helpful too.

I’m curious, if you’re getting no clients on Tryst, are any of these Dommes who charge $500, $700 or more, actually getting any clients who would pay that much, if it’s so hard for a DOMME to find paying customers?

I just went to eros to see and I do see at least some bdsm ads. Are they grandfathered in?

This is VERY interesting. Where did you read this? Did Eros send out an email or something? Because I ads are still up and I don't see any mention of them going away.




Eros died for me in 2018. I stopped advertising there in May of that year. This is because after they were raided by the government in November of 2017 everything went downhill. The people running it were embroiled in a law suit which some believe ended in a plea deal in which they must work with the FBI. Given how quickly various aspects of the site and their service changed, I believed this to be true. This is why I stopped using them. Working with FBI is just not something I want to hang around for, even if I'm operating within the law. (I had a creepy thing happen a couple of months ago which, to me, further confirms that they are a clandestine government op.)

My guess as to why they'd drop BDSM listings? Because they want to focus their resources on nabbing escorts. BDSM is just not lucrative. Having sex for money is explicitly against the law almost everywhere. Since we don't do that, we are just taking up space, a distraction, a waste of time.




Why does everyone forget about Dickie Virgin? They've been around since 1998 and are one of the top ranked sites on Google. I personally get a lot of traffic from there. And some people who book me say that's where they found me.



I've never been really interested in Tryst because it's an escort site with a token BDSM section. Still, I briefly considered just putting something up there as an experiment, to see what kind of clients I might get; but after I read their terms (as I always do), I had several questions. (One of their TOS involved something like reporting you to credit bureaus. WTF?) I had to ask them three times to answer and they finally did after like 6 months. That's a bad sign, so I decided to pass.



There is certainly a lot of trash on FetLife but there are some good people there, so I wouldn't write it off. I have also had people find me there and book sessions. Some great clients, in fact.

I always tell Dommes that a website is really the most important form of advertising you have. Don't rely on others providing space for you. Because if they fold you have nothing.

So, I have always focused on my site, and that is where most people find me.

Why do people not think about Googling someone?

Folx, try this:

1.Pull up a search engine. As much as I'd like to say otherwise, Google produces the most relevant and comprehensive results.

2. Type in some combination of Dominatrix/Domme/Mistress/FemDom/etc and the city or state you're looking for, such as "Boise FemDom".

3. If you're looking for a particular type of Domme, like a Mommy, Disciplinarian, Sadist, etc., or a particular type of scene, like heavy corporal, heavy bondage, prisoner, superhero, etc, then try adding those words. For example, "Charlotte Disciplinarian FemDom". Try different combinations of words.

4. If you find a Domme that interests you but she doesn't indicate she offers what you're looking for, look at her limits, and if you don't see it there, politely inquire.

Will you always find something this way? No. The Domme has to have a website, and she has to have decent SEO. This is why I stress the importance of having a site. It can be the difference between someone finding you and having no idea you exist. It also helps you stand out from the scammers and drive-by amateurs looking to make a little cash with entry-level play.

In addition to having an engaging website, I will suggest you have a somewhat active twitter update feed. One of the domme I see I found or was reminded of, shortly before our first visit, by her twitter feed letting me know she would be in my area in the next month.

A guy who follows dommes on twitter will be invited to view and follow a variety of other similar dommes. I "follow" 1 or 2 dozen mistresses on twitter and most of them whom I follow I "found" because twitter showed them to me or cause the first domme I was following reposted or retweeted some tweet or hers or quoted the other domme, in some way!

So I viewed her website or twitter feed and if I liked it, I added her as a person i was following!

There's a fair amount of overlap between session wrestlers and Dommes. These sites are worth considering:

Badkity: https://www.badkity.com/

Sessiongirls: https://sessiongirls.com/

Some of the listings offer only BDSM activities.

I'm mostly using tryst now. But I always take a peek at dickievirgin.com as there classifieds always let you know when they were posted so you know who is active. Also it's old school and so feels like those who post are really dedicated.

Really annoying that we're all shadow banned from social media sites as well, or theres someone ripping off our photos with fake sites. These are dark times! Thank you for your input. Sounds like the best ways to go about it.

They're still up but I can't edit My ads that are up anymore, or put up a new one under BDSM. so once they expire they are gone for good. They announced on Thanksgiving, so anyone who had an ad up will probably be gone in 30 days, which is generally the amount of time you purchase ads. I assume they'll take them down and put credit on their accounts if anyone bought more than a month of ads.

I originally saw it on Twitter, went to eros, and discovered an announcement and that I couldn't edit or copy an ad for another city. I've also been using it for more than a decade, back when-- pretty sure her name was Stormy--- owned it and you could actually talk to a real person.

The problem with social media and twitter is that

1. We are constantly deleted, or copied by scammers
2. Most guys are so afraid to create an account their wife will find or not tech savvy enough to understand how to use it
3. Shadow and search bans make it extremely difficult to find us.

I totally agree with making websites a priority.

And as far as websites, it seems google has been running some tests blocking any adult sites from top search results, but so far that is a through-the-grapevine twitter rumor I've heard.

I'm not sure why Dickie Virgin doesn't really get the attention it needs. I've been an advertiser with them since 2012 and even have an interview on it. My main guess is something to do with search results. Seems to be more popular outside the US.

I'm glad you've been able to sort through Fetlife! Any site you can find a solid sub on is a good one. I've even heard of Dommes using Reddit!

I agree with you about the LE aspect of Eros. That was the conclusion I came to and My only theory on why they'd drop us.
I personally am glad that I don't have to deal with eros anymore because it was such a pain in the ass, and I was very nervous about flying internationally because of their LE connections. However, I can say from My experience I got about 60 % of My clients from there, and way more than that when I tour. Not only that, most of the Dommes who rent My Dungeon use eros.
The consequences of this are a little intimidating but I know that eventually something else will pop up. We all panicked when back page went down, and those with websites stayed afloat.

Hey, I'm always for going back to print magazines!

Domina.Ms is working on a new classified Section. Stay tuned for more information.

I stopped using Eros in 2018 when they stopped allowing us to link out to our websites and forcing us to either use email or phone as contact details (I haven't published either publically for more than 10 years). I've always had a poor response rate for paid ads from there so I'm surprised people were still using them! Especially after the whole FBI fiasco too.

But I wonder why more people aren't mentioning Dickie Virgin?

They are Femdom specific and have been around nearly 20 years. They also have classifieds (similar to the old Backpages) so it's also good for posting tour dates.

I've seen DV brought up a bunch from other Dommes, but I don't get that much traffic from them honestly, I still have ads and banners on there and love them, and hope more people find them because they're great and easy to work with. I just think they don't come up in searches as much in the US

Out of curiosity, due to this thread, I checked out eros.com yesterday for the first time in awhile, and did again today. Yesterday the BDSM listing was there, now it is gone, so yes, Eros is truly dead. There is a "Fetish and Fantasy" category which for several major cities, lists mostly escorts, some masseuses and a couple of TS models. End of an era, but as some have written here, it wasn't the same after 2018.

I'll always remember finding the site in the early 2000s and San Francisco had the most BDSM listings, close to 100, with New York usually coming in second place. It is the end of an era.

I, too, yearn for print magazines. There is something special about a well-designed glossy advertisement.

Just joined BadKity and Slixa and wow they are so much easier to deal with than eros was!

Thought I'd share My findings because I know that the more Dommes that know where to advertise, the more subs will follow and learn these as places to look, and I'll also get more traffic! So spread the word on these sites!

So I'm hearing Dickie Virgin, Slixa, BadKity.com, Tryst, and possibly Domina.ms in the future are the places to go. The Buzz itself has some great traffic.

Session girls is hit or miss and apparently has rubbed some the wrong way. It's mainly for wrestling, but it's a very old site that has stood the test of time.

Dickie Virgin is My favorite but probably works better outside the US. Hoping it will get more exposure with Eros down.

Paying for Tryst is the way to go, they take forever to approve photos and profiles and paying speeds it up.

I've recently joined Slixa and BadKity and they were both super easy to get photos up and way cheaper than Eros.

Slixa has harsh restrictions on wording but at least they warn you.

Everyone looks at twitter but you've got to constantly update.

To sum it up, nothing really compares to having your own website.

Since i have moved a lot i have tried many different sites to find Dommes; from the client side of things i feel that Tryst is the easiest to use. Hopefully more clients will use it while it is good. i have used Dickie Virgin and my only issue with it is it seems that there are a lot of old listings on there. i have not used Silxa or Badkity but like You said i think a good website is very helpful. A google search for "Dominatrix Atlanta" is how i found Atlanta Dungeon"!

This is great advice for clients, but doesn't really work for touring Dommes. Thats the biggest benefit of ad sites.

I see several other Dommes have joined you at BadKity already. You're the leader!

If more join it can become a place guys go to look for sessions.

As I said, I follow 2 main mistresses on "x" and because I follow either of them, when I view the twitter feed of either one, then, I am constantly offered other similar dommes x feed to view and follow. As a result, I now "follow" 8 to 15 dommes and I do not know the exact count . , ,

The mistresses on "x" also generally have a link to a website and/or a linktree and the linktree often includes sextpanther or onlyfans or loyalfans or loverfans.

1 or several of the dommes I have begun to newly follow on "x" have in fact made a little $ in terms of tip income or clip sale on those alternative sites, cause I followed her or them on "x" and then checked our her paysites.

Mistress Ultra Violet - Did you see that Eros Guide has now eliminated the Fantasy/Fetish, Tantra & Dancer categories. Something BIG is up with them...Going out of business???

I remember when we could talk to a real person! And that person wasn't working with the government behind the scenes. Boy, those were the days.



I think you confused me with someone else, or are just including your thoughts about social media in this reply to me.

I don't suggest social media as an option. Why? For reasons you mention: they continually -- and I mean CONTINUALLY -- censor and kick us off. I mean, how many times do some adult entertainers have to get their entire accounts deleted for them to start over only to have it happen again?? They're probably laughing hysterically at us. "Look at these stupid little whores. We kick them down and they just come back for more abuse." It's madness. Go somewhere else!

After Twitter intentionally misinterpreted my actions so they could boot me I gave up on social media. That was an 8-year-old account with about 10,000 followers. I had the same happen with my 8-year-old Facebook account. A total of 16 years gone like that. So, I don't play in their power arenas anymore.



I have not seen this. Just made sure that your results aren't filtering out adult content. That may be the default option. Because, you know, kids.



Actually, Dickie Virgin is highly ranked in search engines. If you go to Google, for example, and do searches for things like "Dominatrix" and a major city, it's almost always in the top 10 results, usually in the top 3.

If you're basing your opinion on your web statistics, which don't show traffic from the sites, it's likely because the HTML code that allows a browser to pass tracking info had changed. You now need to add some special code to a link. I, too, though that I wasn't getting any traffic from DV and when I mentioned this to them, we added an updated info to my links and holy cow I saw how much traffic I was actually getting. So, ask them to do the same for your links if this is also your litmus for how effective your ads are.



I heard of this, too. I've also heard people getting suspended, so, like with Facebook and Twitter, I just don't want to invest any time into a space where I might be removed again.



We really don't need them, and the headache they cause us. Good riddance, I say!



I know a lot of Dommes get the majority of their clients from there. I wouldn't worry too much. If you have a website, decent SEO, and visibility elsewhere, they will find you. They WANT to find you.



I'd just tell them to all make sites. Or, if you haven't already, have a page for them on your dungeon site. Work on the keywords and wait for indexing to catch on.



I love that idea. I thought about starting a pro Domme zine. Like we used to do in the early 90s. How we shared subcultural info before the internet. It was so exciting to get them in the mail.

I have looked at Slixa. Like half the menu is things like "fuck now", "free fuck", and "fuck fuk fukk" or whatever. Don't get me wrong, I love fucking but that's clearly for escorts and the kind of clients that won't even book me anyways.

Tryst, I already mentioned my issues with.

BadKity emailed me last spring or summer asking if I wanted to be listed there. I told her I appreciated her reaching out but their brand doesn't align with me. The infantilization of women is pretty much the opposite of my brand. Lol. I'm a grown woman not a "kity", and not "bad" ("naughty") either.


Wherever you choose to list be absolutely sure you read their TOS. You'd be surprised what some of them say. For example, Tryst says they can report you to credit bureaus.

Badkity is an unfortunate name and branding for a traditional Mistress like yourself to be associated with. That being said there seem to be a handful of traditional Mistresses on the site. Plus that hybrid that has emerged in the past dozen or more years: bodybuilder/wrestler dominas, with the emphasis on the bodybuilder/wrestler side, or vice-versa, bodybuilder/wrestlers who emphasize the dominatrix side.

Sessiongirls.com is similar, coming at it from the bodybuilder side of the spectrum initially, but it has evolved into more of a wide-open listing of everyone except, my guess, escorts. Just my two cents...

I'm going to be interested in seeing how the new domina.ms listing will look and who it might attract. It could be a blessing for the scene in general and attract more conversation here.

Thanks UV, I've had great luck with Tryst and Domina.ms.

My former owner was an active prodomme for a bit and I helped develop her web presence. She got a surprising amount of hits on her website off of Sinsearch. My reviews of my double domme sessions with her and others (always with the disclosure that she was my owner at the time of course) here and at Max Fisch helped her get web traffic as well, so I think linking to positive reviews of yourself can be helpful because that way clients who are grateful to you might take the hint they should write good reviews too.

Advertising in the Fetlife groups where it's allowed is free, so there's that.

As a client, Tryst has the best search functionality and Dickie Virgin is prolly the most comprehensive listing of dommes who are known to be well-reviewed out there. I also use Mistress-Guide, Models World, and the website formerly known as twitter. I get that there are many good reasons some might be hesitant to get enmeshed in that hellsite, but I think at least a minimal presence there interacting with other well known dommes helps clients who might be looking for signs that you're a real person as opposed to a scammer feel more comfortable contacting you.