Discussions about how men get fetish desires met with other providers

I have seen multiple conversations on boards, this and elsewhere, where men discuss with one another about how they approach other providers, such as escorts or random college girls, as ways to get their kinky desires fulfilled. While I completely understand people wanting to discuss it, whether it's about expanding your options or, for some, saving money, I find it disrespectful on a site for professional Dommes.

Before I'm accused of being insecure, this is not the case here. I'm very secure in what I offer. It's about it seeming inappropriate for the purpose of the forum. It is almost as if you're attempting to undermine our livelihoods. In the case of a couple people, I believe it is done antagonistically.

Imaging joining a forum for cosmetic surgeons. On it are various professionals who perform this type of work. Then you discuss how you found some people who could give you black market filler for cheaper or that you taught how to perform fat transfers -- in front of the surgeons, who are trying to provide information and support about getting cosmetic surgery performed.

This cross across as tacky.

Constructive dialogue is welcome.

Mistress Tissa

Apologies if any of my comments offended, were tacky, or antagonistic. That certainly was not my intent.

In my experience, anyone trying to save money going to an escort or sugar baby instead of a pro Domme is going to be in for a rude awakening. If anything I’ve found it more expensive

I can’t speak for anyone else, but I view the two experiences as completely different from each other. I still see Pro Dommes, quite regularly actually! But I really enjoy playing with escorts too. I find I can play out fantasies and scenarios that would get me an instant block if I even suggested them to most Pro Dommes.

I appreciate your apology, Chi61. Thank you. However, I doubt most people are intentionally trying to do these things. What I think happens is lack of conscientiousness and empathy.

People don't stop and think, "Should I be discussing how to get an escort to do kinky stuff with me in front of women who have put thousands and thousands of dollars and hours into their work and dungeons? And have spent years on these board talking with us, for free, about how to make our fantasies reality and do it safely? Do I come across as selfish and insensitive?"

Because if they did, I would hope the answer would be "Yes, I look egocentric. I think I shouldn't discuss that here out of respect to these women."



Yes, I think that's the case, too. But the comments usually are more focused on how to get kink from people who aren't professional Dominatrices...in forums or groups for professional Dominatrices.




I do, too. I can't imagine that any escort/sugar baby/service top could even come close to delivering what I do in a session, in terms of intimately understanding kink, the psychology and execution; the dungeon, the wardrobe, etc. This goes for any better, long-term professional Domme.



I totally get this. I'm just saying that I think discussing this doesn't belong here.

I think men need to more carefully consider that they way they express themselves is what Dommes will use to determine whether they want to spend time here having conversations. If Dommes see guys talking about how to get that college co-ed to kick him in the balls so he can save a couple hundred bucks, do you think she will want to participate in that space?

I apologize for recent post about this subject offended Mistress Tissa, and probably many of you. That was not my intent. My excitement and passion about thinking about my wonderful experiences got the better of me. I completely value you, Mistress Tissa, and the many Dominas who comment here.

So many of the Mistresses I have sessioned with, especially in the beginning, opened up a world to me. My sexuality has always been, well, theatrical and dramatic. I have described my passion for sessions with Mistresses as being "an R-rated Disney World for adults." There are many shades of BDSM, as we all know. Mine might be more sensual than others. In my... exhuberance to share my experiences I offened professional ladies I value. My humble apologies.

I did not mean my comments to be offensive. As I have followed this forum for years ive seen posts around how to find domination in strip clubs, with real life partners etc. perhaps I assumed incorrectly, that it was ok to discuss kinky sex work even if it didn't come from a pro domme.

I did want to clarify two points. I hope no one construes my comments around finding a sugar baby or a kinky escort as a way to “save a few hundred bucks”. Hopefully my forum posts around over spending and over tipping emphasize that this approach, especially finding a kinky sugar baby are ridiculously expensive by any standard. I don’t believe i have ever posted about how to use this approach to save money.

i view an escort or a sugar baby focused on kink as a different experience. When i pay a pro domme im getting a luxury experience with high end equipment that cant be matched. But that also doesn't mean a sugar baby, escort, or stipper cant provide a great experience as well. Ive had great but different experiences with both and I used this forum to share my kink adventures.

Ms Tissa,
I wouldn't think of you as insecure, especially if you believe the rants are being done antagonistically.
I think of you and other Domme's as the goose's who lay the golden eggs. We should try not to step on the goose.

The insecurity lies within some of us who come to see you. I save for it, look forward to it, love it while I'm there, but often have questions and guilt afterwards.

Guilt and questions could be a topic of its own.

But I think some guys are looking for ways to allay this guilt by spending less money, and in doing so, compare notes and look for "better deals".

I also suspect many haven't really thought about it from your perspective. I think most commenters are genuine and speak honestly.....that's why I read this forum.

Those who speak antagonistically on this subject, do the same on other subjects,
and are pretty much experts on everything from behind the anonymity of the computers screens.

I'm afraid some of us will always want to beat the system, anytime we spend money....... but in doing so, we may be planting our foot on the goose's neck.....

The Driver

Discussing a past experience isn't necessarily problematic, in my eyes. Especially if it directly relates to a professional Domme in some way or somehow enhances the discussion about pro Dommes. For example, someone who asked his pro Domme if she would be willing to work with an escort for a doubles session.



Maybe other Dommes have been OK with it. Or maybe they just didn't say anything, for fear of backlash or it hurting their careers. Or maybe because we get so used to the ways in which our work is continuously appropriated by the carnal desires of men and therefore don't understand they have a right to feel bothered by the way we are sometimes treated like chattel by our "submissives".





This is not my point, though.

Again:

I understand that different providers offer different things -- even between pro Dommes.

I understand wanting a variety of experiences.

I understand wanting to save money.

I'm just saying I don't think those conversations feel appropriate here, in a forum for and by pro Dommes who have tried so hard to bring your fantasies to life, at significant cost, real risk, and occasional peril.

By all means, go to a more kink-generic space like Fetlife, start a group, and share stories and tips there.

I don't write this to squelch conversation. I like a vibrant exchange of experiences and ideas, I'm just asking people to be a little more conscientious and respectful about how they may be (inadvertently) turning this into a place where no Dommes visit, it's just a few cowboys at the bar and some tumbleweed.

I have to admit in confused by the continual references to saving money. My posts have never talked about seeing different types of providers as a way to save money. On the contrary, All of the providers i mentioned have a higher rate than a standard pro domme rate. A sugar baby arrangement typically for me runs mid 4 figures to low 5 figures on a monthly basis




I dont see how i treated anyone like chattel by posting about the professional and respectful way ive interacted with sex workers for professional domination services. It feels like the only thing i did is mention the success ive had in seeking out the services of an individual that doesn’t post on this site.

I have to be careful with my newfound moderator abilities! I'm just going through the motions and clicking on a button to reply, which I'm used to being in a particular place, but now in that place is an edit button, where I can edit the original post. I've done with twice in the last 10 minutes!

Sorry, Spark, I just fixed your comment back the way it was.

OK, my reply:



Spark, I'm referring to the collective of conversations as a whole, not you only. Refer to the title of and original post in this thread.

You probably didn't mean it that way, but comparing non pros with "black market" may be misunderstood.
I conduct most of my sessions with a non-pro and friends of her. She has been introduced to me by a pro (with whom I also regularly play).
I also like to emphasize that the "cheaper" doesn't apply to my non-pro sessions, they turn out to be more expensive.

But I do find your editorial guidelines interesting from another point of view:
Historically, guilds have had a purpose of establishing quality standards. However they mainly served protectionism. Eventually, they crumbled because they couldn't keep up with innovation.

Is it possible that this site is following the same fate?
Another popular thread is titled "Where have all the topics gone".

That was just an example of the kinds of things I've seen discussed but contextualized for my example of cosmetic surgery. It wasn't meant to be a perfect analogy.



OK, great. Please tell that to the guys who talk about budget kink with non-pro Dommes.



If someone wanted to discuss how a professional Domme could innovate the practice of professional BDSM that would make sense to me. Wanting us to lower our tributes for dudes who are broke or cheap, or adding escort services to our menu when we're specially not meant to be escorts is not "innovation" it's a symptom of entitlement. Who goes into a vegetarian restaurant and sits down at a table and whines because they don't offer steak? Or that they charge $6 for fries when McDonalds charges $3?



Logical fallacy here. If forums like this are dying it's not because women like me are asking men to please not use this space to talk about seeing escorts or strippers for kink, it's because of it.

These types of discussions drive away and undermine the women running this board with discussions about how to find a way to get kinky needs met with people other than the women running the boards.

Again, I understand wanting to have them, I just am asking that they be done in a space where it makes sense.

I already gave my thoughts about why I think we are seeing a decrease in participation: this interface is old and has been replaced by new, better options, which appeal to younger generations who did not grow up with the things we did and therefore coming here feels like a visit to Jurassic Park.

I have been following this thread closely and have been impressed with the quality and civility of the exchanges. I can certainly understand the desire for some to find less expensive outlets for their kink, but I think Mistress Tissa makes the stronger argument for why this board is not the appropriate place for those conversations.

The board was created for purposes of providing a positive and respectful place to discuss professional female domination. While those glory days of MF may be gone forever, it seems inappropriate to introduce topics that undermine that profession. I think the slight was unintentional and certainly without malice as the posters on this thread are, for the most part, well experienced and well intentioned.

I can see that reading posts discussing/promoting alternatives to sessioning with ProDommes on a board supposedly devoted to Professional Female Domination would be frustrating (insulting?) for ProDommes to read.

I have never met, talked or sessioned with Mistress Tissa, but I am grateful that She is one of the very few ProDommes that actively participates on this board. Maybe we can all be a little more respectful of Her and Her peers in our posts.

Final point. Most on this board would agree that serious BDSM, with a ProDomme or anyone else, is an inherently risky activity. Subs/slaves are literally putting their physical and emotional well being in the hands of whoever they are sessioning with.

Just speaking for myself, but this is a risk that I definitely don't want to award to the lowest bidder.

Thanks for your well formulated response.

I fully agree with you about the "other services". No argument, these topics are not appropriate here.

Your restaurant analogy is very good.
Ruth's Chris probably doesn't see McDonalds as a competitor. They both cater to different audiences (or the same customers at different occasions).

What you and most pro Dommes offer is a luxury service and not everybody can afford it.

Being price-sensitive is OK, I don't condemn somebody who is looking for a budget approach. Where I see the problem is, when I go to a Ruth's Chris and haggle with them for McDonalds pricing, and you probably have made these experiences.

Simply discussing different opportunities on this boards to me doesn't take away anything from the service that you and other Professional Dominas provide, rather the opposite, you can distinguish yourself and it helps to vitalize the board.

I have stated it clearly, for me to session with non-pros is not a financial decision. I look for other qualities.
Because this doesn't really fit to this topic, I have opened another thread: Why do you go back?

No plan survives the first contact with reality.
That's why Venture Capital investors don't put money into ideas or plans, they put the money into people. With the hope that the entrepreneur will not stick to a plan, but adapt it.

I wasn't part of the planning committee for this site. But I can see that it is not over-bursting with life. "Traveling Dommes" for instance takes me back almost 5 years.

So even if the original plan was to stick to Pro Dommes, it might not hurt to learn for instance from wine magazines: Many of them started out with premium wines only but added budget wines as well. It didn't hurt the premium wines.

In reference to your last sentence:
I fully agree with you about the risk. But in this context, I have made an interesting experience:
Non-professionals never objected to a health-check (which I pay for) prior to a scat session. The same cannot be said for all professionals. Some did feel offended that I even asked for it.

Local man determined to drive away last remaining pro Dommes, more at 10

International, thanks for your response.

you posted....No plan survives the first contact with reality.
That's why Venture Capital investors don't put money into ideas or plans, they put the money into people. With the hope that the entrepreneur will not stick to a plan, but adapt it.

No one has invested money, or made money from this site in years. There are a few Dommes who post here and if they do generate a few clients from being involved here then more power to them. The site was intended to be a place for ProDommes and people interested in them to connect and share information. If you feel the need to obtain or share information on how to session with other than ProDommes then maybe your better move would be to create a social media platform for that purpose rather than to post comments here on how to session with people other than ProDommes.



You posted.....So even if the original plan was to stick to Pro Dommes, it might not hurt to learn for instance from wine magazines: Many of them started out with premium wines only but added budget wines as well. It didn't hurt the premium wines.

I like wine, especially good wine. The most respected wine magazines actually don't sell wines, they educate and inform wine lovers. Wine subscription services do indeed sell premium and less expensive wines. What they don't do is offer advice, or allow comments, on where to purchase wine from other sources.

And your last comment....I fully agree with you about the risk. But in this context, I have made an interesting experience:
Non-professionals never objected to a health-check (which I pay for) prior to a scat session. The same cannot be said for all professionals. Some did feel offended that I even asked for it.


Sorry, I should have provided some context to my previous post regarding the importance of a ProDomme's experience and skillset. I was referring to risks that are best avoided by sessioning with a ProDomme who has a greater skill set than that needed for scat play. For example, activities like throwing a flogger or whip, needle or electrical play, complicated predicament bondage sessions, suspension etc. are all activities that I would not trust to a strip club employee or any of the other sources mentioned in this thread. Not going with the lowest bidder for activities like that.

No offense to strip club dancers, or scat providers is intended. If I wanted a lap dance a strip club dancer would be my first choice. I completely agree with your asking for a health check before engaging in scat play, and hope others who share your interest in that regard follow your lead.

Sorry that you can't agree that advising people how to avoid sessioning with ProDommes at ProDommes rates on a site supposedly devoted to ProDommes is really in poor taste.

Maybe think about this thread from the ProDomme's point of view?


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Sorry, I don't understand where you are going...

But the last thing I would want is to drive away Pro Dommes, I'd rather like to have more on this board!

In any case, thanks for moderating this board! I really do appreciate the work you put into it. While I may have a different opinion about this particular subject, I do respect your position and will follow your rules for this board.