Where have all the topics gone

Hello

I enjoy reading this board and Max.

But on both boards, there are few new topics, and it seems even fewer responses to those topics.

Are fewer people interested or are there just fewer people responding.

There used to be a few posters who posed great questions and scenarios that garnered many replies.....but their prose has diminished.

My question is....what is the state of your interest these days.... and what may have happened to change your interest.

Best Regards
Driver

I'm going to be honest: I don't direct a lot of my energy into forums at this point. I've been burned badly twice now by sites that I have no real control over. I spent 8 years building a Facebook account and was locked out and then I spent 8 years building a Twitter account and was suspended for something I didn't even do. That's A LOT of time spent working on building online community that I was just pulled from at the drop of a hat. So, now I'm really not interested in investing my time into anything unless it's totally under my control. For me that's my blog, which I've been maintaining for 8 years now. (Uh oh, it's at the 8 year mark -- I better make backups!). It just feels like a better investment of my time.

As much as I appreciate that this forum is here, the interface is really dated (circa 2000?), and I think that fewer people -- especially younger players -- will be interested in spending time here when they have more modern, dynamic spaces that are more visually appealing and allow for the easier addition of media like photos and video. I mean, I couldn't even get a YouTube video link to work here!

I have tried to start some conversations but find that few if anyone replies. So, I just go back to my blog.

Still, I check in and respond to things that interest me. Or to post something I think is worthwhile, like that there is a new BDSM club in Philadelphia (Events board).

I wish the better folx from Max would come over here, but I know people have sentimental attachment to that site, even if it is glitchy and unmoderated.

I agree with your view and sentiment about how much time you invested in creating an online audience and the time it takes. About coming over here, I personally tried to get people over from Max to this site - especially when Domina.ms was redesigned to LOOK like MF. Few, if any, came over. (Who could be sentimental about Max? I joined in the late '90s at the height of NYC's BDSM scene, dropped out and rejoined a couple of times. But Max, like any site, needs moderators.)

I'd post more topics, and have to a certain extent, but I tend to react now since I'm far less active (and far older LOL!) than I used to be. Some of the current topics seem to resonate with me that come up versus taking some of you "down memory lane" which I could do easily.

Agree it certainly is slow here for the most part. Personally I always check in most days to see if anything interesting has been posted. I find this board a very refreshing, for lack of a better word - sophisticated space. Twitter, Only Fans, Sext Panther, Reddit get most of my online kink time but there is something more familiar, comfortable here. I also find the dialogues here while limited usually very intelligent, thoughtful, and interesting. Definitely can’t say the same for the rest of the internet.

The day of the posting board in general has come and gone it seems but I do hope this one continues for a long time.

It hasn't, though. It's that it just looks different.

This board is just reflective of its time, 20+ years ago. At that time this *was* sophisticated. There weren't yet places like Facebook and Twitter. This was the step up from email lists we had back then. We moved from interacting through email to a website, where we could create user names and passwords! Awesome!

Technology has grown to meet the needs of what people want in their online communities. We get pretty graphics, seamlessly integrated elements, and more ways to customize each user's experience, like profiles, photo and video albums, etc. And now, in the age of the gig economy, which helps people supplement, or (theoretically) gain independence from exploitative labor industries, we have things like OnlyFans and Patreon. A natural evolution, really.

So, while this board can be comforting in its simplicity it is outdated. It's the grandparent of stuff like FetLife, which is essentially the same thing; Fetlife is just wearing a newer outfit. Each forum here is like a group there. Each moderator here is like a moderator there. Each discussion here is like one there, except it only allows the equivalent of "flat mode". You get the picture.

All the structures are the same, it's just the user interface that's different.

I agree with this. I came over from MF and check both sites once a day, or more -- more out of distracted habit than anything else. I do feel sentimental towards Max just because I have been on there since the very beginning and have had some personally important conversations there. Also, when 9/11 happened, there was a subforum and it was a place to go and share. Generational change of the kind you cite, politics, trolling, disrespect towards dommes have hurt it a lot, though.

I do like writing and thinking about DS and the particular dynamics of experiencing that in the pro scene so I would write and comment more. But at the same time, I've been doing this a long time, and not nearly as active these days, and feel that I have hashed out a lot of questions over the years. I'm conscious of just repeating myself.

I get this. But we all have opportunities to create new sentiment. Like this board. Or another place.



That's not generational. There has been disrespect toward women and to each other in general since we evolved to multi-cellular beings that has to in some way compete for survival.

I think that Max has suffered terribly from a lack of moderation. It's why there doesn't seem to be many Dommes who participate there. And without Dommes it's nothing. Self-respecting women don't care to hang around guys who talk about and to women like garbage. I'd literally rather stare at a wall than read some of the trash I have seen posted there.



If you're having conversations with new people then it'll be new to them.

Or maybe you need a new experience to stir up some new feelings and thoughts.

Or maybe you could write articles or a book.

I think that Covid was a pretty serious event whose effect in our life we don't fully understand yet. I think it affected social relations in general, I think it also affected BDSM in a negative way and as a side effect I think at least in the USA the best days are behind. But this is worth of a separate thread.

There are only so many topics and people on both boards tend to people who have been with it for a long time. There are only so many times you can get excited over the same repeated topic.

At least on MF the high traffic threads, when they happen, tend to be about people reacting to a troll.

I stopped posting to the boards when I kept seeing posts and replies that upset me. I would read some discussions and go "wow, they really just don't see us as humans at all." Why would I give my time to a place that makes me feel that way?

I understand that some of these posts/replies are troll posts, but unfortunately some aren't.

You make a good point that people can only talk about the same subject so many times before it is tiresome. Another factor, I've experienced and have heard from others who feel the same, is that it isn't always accepted to express opposing views. It is discouraging for posters to be shut down in amicable conversation. I've seen it go the other way too, where trolls, who have stated intentions to cause harm, are tolerated, even the loss of well meaning posters. It is a tough balance. I don't envy the job of the admin.

The guy who started this thread, The Driver is the best example of a courteous poster. He rarely posts but when he does every post matter. Some of the answers to his posts were aggressive though, although not to this one.

You yourself Cheyenne are the best example of how you can have an argument without things becoming personal. Even your posts in Politics where I hold different views are interesting.

So I think that the original question stays, but the accent is not on why the posts stopped, but on why they stopped now.

Actually, I was referring to why now and recent events. All discussion forums ebb and flow. Long term, it is probably just a bump in the road.

Speaking of bumps in the road I hope MF is not dead for good. Contrary to many I think that both of these sites benefit from the presence of the other one. If MF stays down I think it is more likely that some of the posters to both will stop completely than that posters to MF only will find The Buzz.

Agreed on all points. More than likely, MF will come back. It always does...until the one day that it doesn't. Both sites have their place. I appreciate both of them. But, one couldn't replace the other. There was a glimpse of that some years back..but, I think that ship has sailed. Social media platforms have taken a huge bite out of discussion forums on top of it.

I've given this a few days of thought and, to quote Margo Channing, "Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy ride."

It's fascinating that this thread from early last year, around nine months after it was posted. It comes after someone posted a reminder about objectionable posts, and I guess mine was in the view of the someone who is quite visible on this site. My post was erased without warning, and followed up with a rather curt PM.

I do not have a copy of my deleted post, but as I remember it involved threads that reminded me of the issues about setting boundaries during sessions and how those boundaries can sometimes get crossed, that are not part of the scene. It happens... I wrote from experience. In writing my post I never mentioned anyone by name, I did not intend to brag or boast, was certainly not trolling anyone since the whole MF atmosphere over the years turned me off. That's why I came here a few years ago.

I've learned about the experiences of others, shared my own and put my years in the scene in perspective. Hopefully some of my posts have been at least entertaining. I have met more than my share of beautiful, creative and brilliant Mistresses over the years. Insulting anyone in the scene via a post has never been a goal for me.

So, whomever owns this site, if you want to have more engaging topics here, don't stifle creativity. Set true guidelines, including diplomacy and, dare I say, emphasize civility and politeness. (Yeah, even today, those qualities exist.) That's my "Somehwat" pointed suggestion to all.

Hi Junglebeast,

This thread reappeared because after an absence of 18 months I looked specifically for TheDriver and found this inter4sting post. Something I find more puzzling is that I also wrote him a message and this morning I saw my messages flashing, I went there and my message was gone. Now My messages does not flash anymore.

Has something like this ever happened to anybody else? Does anybody has access to our messages? Are they not supposed to be private?

"someone"

How is your being passive aggressive toward me a display of these diplomatic, civil, and polite values you suggest we all adopt?



My goodness, you are having a hard time with this very reasonable request: people using discretion when discussing illegal topics, such as a professional (i.e. paid) Domme having sex with her clients.

Aside from the legal aspect, it can add to a feeling of hostility toward Dommes. This is why some of us leave these boards, you know. We get sick of the way guys talk about us, our appearance, our bodies, our age, how they fucked that Domme and why won't we fuck them? or why won't we take a Cheesecake Factory gift card as a deposit because you need discretion!? Perhaps overlooking that we might be someone's wife and the whole thing is upsetting for more than one reason.

And then we have the guys who either had sex or want us to believe they had sex with a Domme and who have to talk about it. For whatever Dommes who've chosen to do this with their clients it might make them feel very uncomfortable -- name or not. Because I guarantee that if she ever reads someone talking about it it she's thinking, "will people figure out it's me?"

I have explained this to you at least three times now. The first two times I only edited out the detail followed by a private message. Third time? I'm just going to remove the whole post. This is very much deserved. No moderator should have to ask three times. In other forums you would have been removed by now. You're still here. So, please do not paint yourself as a victim who's not allowed to write his erotica of imaginar---I mean, that your "creativity" is "stifled".

So, where have all the topics gone? This was posted months ago when the forum was experiencing a quiet period. These periods will only return and increase if the topics are all about icky girls with icky tattoos, why won't you trade bitcoin so I can cheat on my wife in peace, I licked a pro's pussy and I'm here to tell y'all bout it again and again, and other Very Good FemDom topics.

Well... I kinda expected that reaction.

Am I "passive aggressive"? No, I didn't deign to include your name on my post, to try to avoid inflaming the conversation.

My thanks to you. Your posts have done me a great favor, no sarcasm intended. I realize now I've spent too much time here, especially since Covid.

I've put a formal request in to delete my account.

FWIW

JB. I for one would hate to see you go. The stories of your escapades are always entertaining to read. You’ve been a solid contributor here imo.

Mistress Tissa. I can’t speak for others here, but I have tried to take your comments in the past to heart. I’ve refrained from any further posts that touch on topics you’ve pointed out could be offensive to Dommes. Not looking for a medal, just pointing out some of us are trying to listen.

I’d also mention on the icky threads, I thought on the one you mentioned it was great that virtually every comment was contrary to the OP’s POV.

I really enjoy the community here. I find it a safe space (for the most part) to express thoughts, to listen, and to learn. I hope it continues for a very long time.

Well said!

Hi Junglebeast,

The value of a forum increases in a way faster than linear with the number of members, and some members contribute more than others. It is not about the number of posts, it is about their quality too. TheDriver has only 17 messages, for me he is an MVP.

You are an MVP too, for different reasons. What makes you valuable is your personality, you are certainly different than most, and I think I could recognize one of your posts by subject and style without reading your name.

So the more we are the better, especially when we are not necessarily in the mainstream. I think that if we were to take a vote over 90% of the members would not find you passive aggressive. They would think you had the courage to try to do things many would not, and you had the courage to share experiences some would have kept private.

Many appreciated it, some could have been offended. Overall I think you are one of the most popular members and I hope you will stay because if you don't you will be missed.

I sent you an email. Please don't give up just yet. Reach out when you can. You have every reason to be upset. I would be too. If you go, along with a recent poster who was banned for reasons I can't imagine, others will follow. Let's just all try to take a deep breath and see if this forum can get past this like a bump in the road.

What reaction? That I'd call you out for being passive aggressive in the same breath you're asking people to use civility? That I'd take a moment to publicly explain that you are leaving some important details out of your comment? I won't sit here and let someone trying to make me look bad for doing what I was asked to do: moderate this board.

If you expected That Reaction, then why did you post the comment? To put kindling on the fire, it seems. Instead of just respecting what is being asked of not only you but everyone in this forum, you are dragging it out. Why is that?




But that is passive aggressiveness, junglebeast. Look it up if you're not sure what it means. Everyone knows you're talking about me because I'm the only one who has asked people to use discretion about discussing illegal activities. So you effectively outed yourself, because I didn't mention anyone in particular in my most recent post.

I have already had this discussion in the Lobby here. Twice, I think. One in which I remember you publicly acknowledging my point, possibly even apologizing for it. You also did so in our PMs. But now this? I don't get it.



What's unfortunate is that we have had some lovely exchanges otherwise. Mostly in PM. But for some reason you seem to be taking it very personally that I've asked you three times now to please exercise some discretion out of respect to Dommes and our safety. Why?



We already discussed this privately.

I think I understand what's going on here.

I know, Chi. I appreciate it.

The request is actually VERY simple: don't discuss things that tcompromise Dommes' safety. This includes things like her legal name; her location; if she divulges other personal info, such as members of her family; if she has sex with you..stuff like that. To me, this is obvious. Ethics 101. It covers a very, very small area of potential discussion. And, frankly, I'm puzzled that this appears to be difficult for some folx.

Actually, he doesn't. He's been asked three times to use some discretion regarding certain details. He has CHOSEN to ignore these requests.



Yes, hopefully junglebeast will decide to work on his bump and then we'll be fine.

JB
Put me on the list of people who would hate to see you go. I benefit from you being here.

In my mind, the reason for this forum is to share our innermost thoughts, that we don't share anywhere else...at least I don't share them elsewhere.

Thru this forum and Max, I learned that I'm not alone. That I'm not as bad as I thought. That others feel as I do....which is a great comfort to me and helps me to be a more tolerant person in general.

When you post, we all benefit as we read about a guy whose been at if for years and still manages to regale us with your stories and memories.

When Ms Tissa responds, I'm reminded that even the pro's have feelings and most importantly that they're people, with lives and concerns, that many of the customers may not often think about or understand.

In my opinion, these are two really great reasons to stay and support this forum. You both had me at "hello".

And in a selfish concern, I still want to know if anything new happens with the lady on the elevator.

Best Regards
The Driver

Respectfully, Tissa, I disagree. JB is an older man who is sharing his life experiences, many of them from personal relationships. All of the fascinating stories he shares, pro or lifestyle, are from many years ago. It is a privilege to get a glimpse of what the scene was like in those years. His contributions are a benefit to this forum.

We're not talking about lifestyle details. We never were. Share away.

As I have discussed both publicly and privately, if he, or anyone, is discussing a professional session, please use discretion about illegal details, or things which can compromise a pro Domme's safety, in general. And to be clear to everyone, please just mention that you're referring to a lifestyle session.

For example:

Pro: "I had a session with [Domme] in [city] in 2016 and it was wonderful."

Lifestyle: "I had a lifestyle session with [Domme] in [city] in 2016 and I must have made her very happy because she let me lick her pussy at the end."

Are we clear now? Or is someone else going to twist what I'm saying or take issue with my wanting to look out for my colleagues?

JB please don’t abandon this forum. Your posts are great. Always interesting. You’ve had an amazing life in bdsm and sessions. I think we are about the same age but you started sessioning about 10 years before I did and in NYC which was and probably still is the capital of bdsm in this country. It’s like you are part of history. So your posts are valued and very interesting.

It looks like Max may finally be done for although it’s come back from dead before and if good posters like you disappear this board will slowly die too. It’s ironic but funny that this resurrected thread has reached such a high level of discussion. Maybe that what the board needs is controversy lol

Tissa, as I see it, there is a huge difference between talking about recent events and musing over NYC experiences from the 70's. JB does mix personal and professional life experiences. There are very entertaining, as you can see from the reaction of other posters here.

How, in the world, is musing about life experiences from the 70's endangering current day dommes? With all due respect, you are stifling conversation on this forum. Obviously, you are free to moderate as you see fit. It is discouraging to see positive conversations being censored and quality posters criticized, which has happened on other topics as well. You've asked me to withdraw from discussions, which I obliged at the time. But, it is getting to the point of having to walk on egg shells or simply be quiet. JB brings such positive energy and good contribution to this forum. It is really sad to see this site take a nose dive when it was going so well and, in part, due to posters like JB.

Junglebeast,

There are a few more things I would like to add to my previous post. First is that I shared from childhood your fascination with Tarzan. For you it was more on the Tarzan-Jane relationship, I stayed with Tarzan as a result I had a lifelong interest in Africa where I spent a lot of time.

The second was that I can imagine that most professional mistresses were probably not accommodative to your preferred scenario which explains why most of your stories are about wrestlers and bodybuilders instead.

Part of what I liked is that I was always complaining that there are what I describe cult like elements in BDSM, almost like a religion. So many rules for so many situations. High protocol. Strict protocol. Somehow you always managed to remain you.

Stifling? That's quite a jump there. It's either "I fucked a pro Domme" or nothing. It's not my fault that some lack depth in their conversation.

It seems easier to just keep it simple and ask people to not discuss illegal activity instead of trying to agree upon at what point it is okay.



I think you have me confused with someone else. I have taken issue with exactly 2 things out of however many hundred have been posted on this entire website.



No, I did not, Cheyenne. I asked you to show some compassion. You removed yourself.



A ridiculous statement. I have only asked for a little discretion.

This isn't a case of a poster asking for illegal activity or talking about anything, at all, that has occurred in the last two decades. An older man reminiscing about his life experiences from the 70's is not like a poster asking where he can find full body worship or talking about a dungeon on 4th street that gives handjobs. You and I obviously see JB's contributions on the forum very differently. Whatever the admin decides is acceptable or not, that is how it. What I take objection with is the manner in which you are treating JB, especially when he was responding by simply expressing his feelings. He's been an absolute positive poster who has been nice to everyone.

You most certainly asked to me to stop posting my point of view on a particular subject. I thought it was inappropriate of you but I did. It has since happened again and now a third time. Your opinions are valid and important. They should be shared here and respected. But, it doesn't mean that everyone has to agree with you or be shut down. It is difficult to watch posters be silenced or shamed on good topics. We have a good group of male posters here, all of whom are respectful and considerate. They should be treated the same in return, that includes expressing views that may not line up with the moderator's. People will not always agree. It would be really boring if everyone felt the exact same way on every topic.

Where's the "thumbs up" and "clapping hands" emoji when you need them?


While I don't know what went on in DM's or the original post that got deleted this whole thing strikes me on the face of it as much ado about nothing. JB was recounting some adventures from 40-50 years ago not saying "I sessioned with Mistress so and so of such and such a city last week and she gave me a blow job/rode me cowgirl style/let me go down on her.... or whatever. I think there was some over reaction here from the moderator. Besides there are lots of what some people derogatorily call "Hookers with Whips" advertising BDSM sessions so that kind of thing is readily available if that's your jam. Is it illegal? Sure but so are tons of things people do every day. I think it's pretty clear that the Dommes that spend time here a of a very different ilk.

Having said that as long as whoever owns/runs this website gives Mistress Tissa the position of a mod it's her call. I guess we either suck it up or leave. JB chose to leave....his prerogative. Besides, moderating a board can be a thankless job. Even if you disagree with the occasional decision we should be grateful for anyone who takes it on.

I think there has been enough said on this topic. I plan to concentrate on more interesting/productive threads and will leave this one alone.

Just my opinion and worth what you paid for it.....

Yes exactly. Those Dommes are now retired and the statute of limitations has run out.
And tbh I’d be shocked if the vice squads of LE were looking at these obscure boards at all when they’ve got escort sites like Eros and Tryst and others and especially The Erotic Review available not to mention what’s right in front of their face walking the streets or hanging out in truck stops.

Exactly. It is also important to know that the post that was deleted was talking about the importance of expecting and respecting boundaries but also how his relationship with a domme once crossed those lines in a personal and meaningful way. He was obviously talking about a woman he cared about. It was a touching, funny and entertaining story that opened up good conversation. I met my late husband, who was the love of my life, because he was a video slave for ClubDom. I know several prodoms who ended up marrying men they met as clients. It is far from the norm. But, it does happen. It is understandable that Tissa misunderstood. JB's previous posts could have involved more casuals adventures. I didn't read all of them. But, again, we agree that they were harmless, fun stories from the NYC scene of many years gone by.

It would be nice if a pleasant resolution could be reached between Tissa and JB. I'm sure they both mean well and this can be resolved and put to rest. Meanwhile, I spoke with JB today. He wants to thank the posters who understand and have supported him. He's just here to make positive contributions and stay in touch with the prodom scene in his later years.

Cheyenne you are the best. I’m sure I read his deleted post but don’t remember it. I was just about to PM him and I will but I do not know if he is still even looking here.