Trust

One of my long-term submissive clients brought up the issue of trust, and its importance in a D/s relationship. while I was pleased to hear that he trusted me implicitly. I was somewhat taken aback by his naive behavior. I've always tried to steer my subs in directions that promote growth and benefit personal development.

Do you trust your Domme?

Dommes do you trust your submissives?

Is it wise to place trust in someone who, in truth, is a relative stranger?

I’ve thought about this from time to time. As a sub, it is a bit odd to me to put trust in someone who I typically know very little about, including not even their real name. Conversely though, it’s hard not to quickly build trust with someone when you are letting them tie you naked to a chair, bench, cross. Being completely at someone’s mercy tends to build trust quick. I think for many of us who lead pretty vanilla lives, our only outlet for any bdsm urges tends to be pro Dommes, so putting trust in a stranger is required.

From 13-18, i'd trust almost any girl or woman that dominates.

Today in my 20s, i'm more careful and only trust dommes since theyre professionals, otherwise they shouldnt be in that profession if they have zero passion, atleast a small amount.

When i look at photos of very strong and muscular women, i imagine being potentially killed by them, experiencing some of their impact, i know full well some women are perfectly capable. When arousal dissipates after cumming, its actually very scary being strung up by wrists and spread ankles, worse when alone and no dungeon monitor, in my case, when her galfriends aren't watching.. Something about sub's youthfulness reduce aggression, including on brute amazons. Imagine when older and any bit of sympathy dissipates. Personal dominant that picked me, thought it was cute that I really needed to cum and liked watching it. Been getting dominant handjobs or footjobs since 13, and periodically vaginally mounted by her and her galfriends for extended periods wishing I never had a firm cock, it has a mind of its own. Now in my 20s and i'm not entirely sure of reactions from femdoms. I can't stop now, If a domina can't offer atleast a handjob, I can't see her again.

I get literal kink withdrawals these days. I always preferred older cougar dommes.

Girls had called me gay, small dick or complete idiot at parties if I reject their advances when I'm not attracted to her. Other attacks if I had clothing color mismatch, being uninformed and asking questions in everyday socialization in class, recreation programs, volunteers or simply outside.. They could even gang up socially by gaslighting. Never having this issue with mature women was the reason I was the boy always found nude in a woman's bed, no woman said "cum" smell nasty or clean bodies during sex smell odd. She could have had same personality as the disliked girls above, 30-40 years ago or even 1 year before she jumps on me, three had advocated genocide against males, 1 was still saying it. If she's not saying it front of me, she could jump on me anyway she likes.

I was a horny kiddo, also needed companionship and mentorship. I always offered my spirit and body to horny women. Its always nosey or jealous people that ruined my fun, never take pictures or videos. Rural women with secluded properties were the best and glad my boarding school was situated rural. If I was to re-live my youth, i'd do it all over again and more.

Define trust? Trust is like the word friend---are we talking friend who borrows my lawnmower or a friend who knows where the bodies are buried?

Trust is earned, and earning it a few hours a month/year in a professional (paid) relationship is going to be slow, glacier slow.

There are crazies on both sides who just expect it and who just give it. Last fall I tried to play with a new to me Domme. One of my first scene hard limits is no bondage, turned out to be one of her kinks. She tried to persuade me to allow bondage, claiming I just needed to choose to trust her. Needless to say I declined to play with her. To lock myself in a room with some woman I just met, have her tie me down and beat me would be complete and utter stupidity. I don't know you, I don't trust you. It's not an issue, it's not personal, it's just a fact.

To answer your question there are two Dommes I play with that have earned my "trust".....but I wouldn't say implicitly.

NO, it is not wise to put trust in a stranger.

Interestingly zxpTcEtc feels that building trust is a slow process. To my thinking it is incremental, neither very slow nor very quick. And it depends to some degree it varies with the Dommme. There was one Domme I was very fond of who once wanted me do something that I felt had too much of a risk of a fall that might break a limb so I refused. So I guess I did not trust her implicitly.

Also I am something of an exception to your last sentence.

Interesting question. I've always trusted the Dommes I see both in session and out of session. I think they have trusted me as well. Ive had dommes over to my house. Ive been to their’s. I book sessions with my real name etc. I normally see established or well reviewed dommes. But even newer dommes i have trusted and thats been a good decision for me. Ive found in sessions most dommes to be true pros and always push close to my comfort level but rarely passed it.



Ive always like this aspect of sessions and i would say its a two way street for me. Many of the dommes i see are younger than me and i actually find myself trying to encourage their development. But there are things I’ve learned from them. One taught me how to use instagram and another got me started in bitcoin a few years ago (she liked getting paid that way but the return on investment from that session was something to smile about). One also inteoduced me to EDM music (that was an epic fail :-))

Incremental is a good way to describe it.

A couple weeks ago I was chatting with a Domme I didn’t know on SextPanther. We were having a great discussion and had similar interests. Her session space was relatively close, so I emailed and 48 hours later we were face to face having a session. Within minutes of starting, I was tied up, completely at her mercy, being abused. Is this wise to do with someone I don’t know and just met online? Does this constitute trust? She’s a well known Domme, established, excellent reputation, etc. I would argue the risk was very low.

Would I have trusted her in our first session however to try new things, push into areas I was uncomfortable with, no. That trust needs to be built in my opinion.

So to me, seeing a pro Domme requires a basic level of trust. I need to feel comfortable the person is experienced, respects boundaries, etc. but that level of trust can exist just from research, pre session dialogue, etc. Otherwise there would be no first sessions. Beyond that though is where trust is built “incrementally”.

I saw a younger Domme once and I don’t remember the full context, but after one of our sessions I said “I trust you” in response to something and she replied with “I hope so, you just let me kick you in the balls for the last hour”. Lol

Obviously trust is a very important aspect to consider. I have been with Mistress Ayn for over a decade so yes, I trust Her implicitly and without reservation. Has She pushed me to my perceived limits, YES! That should be expected from an excellent Domme. Has She pushed me beyond those limits to help me grow, YES! She has. And YES I was surprised how and when She pushed me to a new level. I can't think of a single time over the decade that I didn't trust Her in everything we enjoyed together.

I think trust is easier in a pro setting. It's far easier to research and vet a pro Domme than a potential private play partner.. Things like her reputation, the quality of her website, online reviews, posts on forums like this all help in forming an opinion. Of course, the more established the Domme is the easier that is. I've always tended to play with Dommes who are long established and well known.

I think the far greater leap of faith is on the part of a Domme seeing a sub for the first time.

I completely agree. Especially an independent domina who works out of her own play space or hotel. (I’ve done my share of sessions with dominant female bodybuilders at their hotel rooms.) As I became a more experienced sub, and less self-absorbed, I looked at it from their point of view. In fact I put myself in the mindset that they were hiring me to be their sub and I had to make sure I played my role correctly. All of that put me into the proper subspace for Dominas I never met.

Trust isn't a yes/no subject. Some people I trust more than others. And not necessarily because I've known them longer. Some people I have seen for years have some annoying behaviors that I choose to manage. Some clients I have seen very little are perfectly behaved. As you can imagine, the trust for each of these individuals is something I continually assess.



You could ask this question of anyone, doctors, contractors, a bank, the person making your sub at the deli.

Wisdom is considering the evidence we have and using that to determine the probability we would be harmed.