Blurring the Lines

Over the years Ive developed 2 deep connections with pro dommes that have blurred the line and boundaries and turned into real relationships. We’ve traveled together, spent time at each other houses, mixed finances, met friends and family etc. these relationships started professional and progressed into something more. But also over the course of time life gets in the way. They find someone or i find someone. Their is a moment in time where it works but then it doesn’t. Both still do pro sessions and I sometimes have a desire to setup a session and see them again. I wont because i know it will do more harm than good for both of us and you cant go backwards. But sometimes knowing you have that option makes it hard to move on.

Anyone else ever have the same feelings either Domme or Sub?

In my 20 year involvement in the prodom scene, this is something I've experienced and known other scene folks to as well. It certainly isn't the norm, but right down to seeing people who met through sessions marry and have long happy lives together, it happens. One of my closest friends was once a weekly client.

Why not call them as a friend to catch up?

That could help you process things out.

Ive thought about and weighed the pros and cons. but ive also found it difficult to be friends with an ex when intimacy was involved. So i dont think that will work. Ive probably done most of the processing i need.

The interesting thing with both of these relationships is neither ended bad they just ended with a realization it wasn’t going to work from both parties.

Because of that there’s always a little bit of what could have been.

Also its no coincidence the timing of my post fell on valentines day. Maybe a bit of nostalgia.

its good to know im not the only one. When you share an intimate space with someone it can happen. I didn’t go in looking for it. In some ways i went in with walls up to avoid it. But sometimes you cant help who you fall in love with.

Spark, you are far wiser than I was. In my situation the lady and I were in our early 30s. I had issues in my personal life, she had deep seated emotional issues that haunted her since she was a kid. My Mistress at the time didn't know any of this and she recommended (ordered me) to serve this Domina. The lady was also a model, designer & massuse who was visiting from the West Coast. We talked a lot about our backgrounds and there was an instant attraction between the both of us.

She gave me her number telling me to call if I wound up on the West Coast. I kept it even though, up until that time, I hadn't traveled to there on business for years. We spoke a couple of times on the phone. Two months later, by sheer accident, I was on a jet and saw her on my trip. By the Holidays she was visiting family on the East Coast and a bi-coastal relationship began. We ended it a couple of years later. A few years after than she got back in touch with me and remained friends. But, eventually, nostalgia kicked in, we got involved once again and... it ended badly.

In my single days, I had similar such experiences. A few of the ladies and I still keep in touch. Reaching out to catch up and say hello may make you feel better. There is no harm in that.

Thanks Junglebeast, although I definitely wouldnt call myself wise.

it sounds as if there are many similarities between my and your relationships. From the distance, and the personal issues, the modeling background, flying east coast to west coast, as well as the instant attraction.

I feel fortunate that both of my ended well the first go around. Your experience in a second go around is what i worry about it.

But I'm sure like many it can be hard to put an old relationship out of my head. Especially late at night when you are single and you know she is a well. But thats life.

Im actually surprised that clients and Dominas dating is not more common.

I’ve never wanted or try to have a relationship with my Domme. I really don’t talk much about myself nor do I ask the Domme about anything outside the session.

Late response, my browser died before posting a week ago when I was here last time. Sessions provide an intimate setting and when there is chemistry too sometimes feelings and even relations follow.

A relation can go in a thousand different directions, the personalities of the people and also chance can play a big role.

Also lasting relations change overtime and sometimes change in character. Normally I would say go for it. Your partner might be a professional mistress but if she has doubts she might refuse the session anyway.

The reason I advise against is because you talk about two mistresses. If you were ready for this you would have made up your mind which of them, and it would be only one.

I keep my professional and personal relationships separate. Only with clients I've been seeing for a while (multiple years) is there any venture into personal territory, and even then it's not too deep.

Ethics aside, there are far too many risks when "blurring", none of which are worth it for me.

Hi Spark:

Excellent post. Yes, I have felt like this. I think boundaries are very important in a prodomme client relationship. Much like the old saying; "good fences make good neighbors," good boundaries make for a solid professional relationship between a Mistress and her client. For years I sought something more than what a professional relationship offers, never realizing that what I had, what I was actually experiencing, was more than good enough. That brought on all sorts of problems and complications. To begin with, I'm married. How "deep" do I really think I can go? Duh. Anyway, these days I approach dommes more like therapists or personal trainers and don't strive to make the fantasy 100% real. It's working out much better this way. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

Its definitely not the norm. In both of my situations we found a connection i started going on dates then we started traveling together non transactionally. Both had trouble accessing the banking system so i was co-signing car loans and apartment leases, putting them as authorized users on my credit card etc

Took a lot of communication to pull it off.

I also found both relationships to be very enjoyable which is one of the reasons i get the urge to go back and reach out but i know that deep down that will ruin the memories.

Wow. And a lot of trust!

Yes definitely a lot of trust. This worked to better their life at a time when they needed it. From that standpoint id do it again in a heartbeat.

But they were both young and impressionable and it set unrealistic expectations of a normal relationship that i know neither has ever overcome. No car is worth that. And that is one of my greatest regrets in life. Just because I can pay for something didn’t make it right. But i cant change the past