The Ugliness of Outing

It is interesting that this article just came out. Last week I found out that a well known and loved Dom had just been outed to her family by an ex boyfriend. Her family must not have taken it well because she is laying low and not even filming now. She is such a beautiful person who didn't deserve that bullsh#t. Now, there is this NY Post article, taken from Twitter, in which someone outed someone running for a city council position. The photo was taken at Parthenon. It is highly doubtful that such a long standing establishment would sabotage their own business. But, they are caught up in it too.

Whether it has been matters of custody, inheritance or just spite, I've been outed more than once. It is an easy axe hanging over someone's head. Fortunately, I stood up like this political candidate did and my neighbors, family and friends did too...even the most shocked and religious of them. It is no one's business what someone does, consensually, in their private time. It should be everyone's business who a petty, vengeful snitch is.

After having made it through such a rough year, I hope Parthenon, is not too damaged from this. I've never had dealings with Parthenon and have no idea what the council member stands for but I am 200% behind them on this.

Have you had experiences with being outed?

There should be a special place in hell for those that out others sexual preferences

It sounds like the guy in the nypost article is handling in a mature way and his social circle has been supportive and thats a good thing. I saw his quote of “bdsm is not something i am public about but im not embarrassed by it either”

Ive never been outed. I have domme friends who have been. Interestingly enough not for being a dominatrix but for other types of sex work. Id say for them it was a tough experience but also freeing in some ways

I do tell people about my interests in bdsm. I wouldn't care if i was outed at this point. Hell i have private videos of me that if they came out might jumpstart my sex life. But i am established now. I couldn’t always say that.

One problem i have with our community is that some people sexualize outing others. I believe that often does more harm than good. I wish there was more support on how to come out if you chose. Other groups in the LGBTQIA+ community have done a better job than us in the bdsm community.

I'm not an attorney but sounds like Parthenon could have some recourse. Hopefully, people no them well enough not to pay attention to the noise and it isn't necessary.

Unfortunately, Parthenon didn't make it through the pandemic. Last I heard, they closed. But it happened way before this story came out. Not sure if they were going to open up in a new location or not.

Regarding the specter of outing, I think it's the biggest rain cloud that hangs over perspective clients as they consider a seeing a new Domme. When a story like this comes out, I imagine that many of those subs who were on the fence about sessioning take a step back. Outing is bad for the industry as a whole.

I'm sorry to hear about Parthenon not making it through the shut down of this last year. I've never worked with them but know them, by reputation, to be good people. I've been around the block a few times when it comes to femdom studios. Professional dungeons are simply not going to out their clients. Discretion is paramount. The ex girlfriend has herself to live with over such a pathetic act. NYP has lost all of my respect for their sloppy reporting. That is my soap box. And, yes, I agree that the fear of being outed is something that clients worry about...especially those with a lot to lose. It is an axe over all of our heads, pros or clients. Fortunately, it is rare that these things happen. Vanilla sex revenge videos are probably a more common occurrence.

I was once threatened with being outed. Her lawyer sent my attorney a sabre rattling letter that threatened a lawsuit. He included a veiled threat to out me. My attorney was surprised and asked me to explain. Which I did bluntly. I told him that I was not terrified about being outed but preferred that it not happen. My attorney sent hers a stern reply accusing him of extortion.

I am not going into details. The lawsuit never materialized.

Good for you for standing up and your attorney for handling it so well. Years back there was a bomb diffusing specialist in our military that was outed. I don't remember the details. But, I do remember him taking the position of, "Yeah, so what?" He offered to resign and his boss said he wouldn't accept the resignation. Life went on as usual for him and his bitter ex must have looked like a horse's a#s to all of her friends.

One of the reasons I've never registered on the hang is due to the outing that goes on there. I don't understand why buzz members continue to post. Careers have been damaged, and peoples personal lives have suffered. Out one of the hang elites and see how fast a mystery moderator pops up!

I'm not doubting what you are saying. There have been long periods of time when I've been busy with other things and haven't even read the forum. But, for the most part, I've been active there for over 20 years. I was a moderator for a while. I've never seen anyone outed. Again, not saying it didn't happen. I've seen some real as#hole behavior there. But, I must have missed someone getting outed.

I know of two times when people were outed on the hang. Both sprang from organized hate campaigns. The hang is a nasty clique
where the special few can do no wrong. I believe any involvement and contribution just perpetuates the genuine rottenness.

I've been attacked and bashed on the hang, with NO support from my so called colleagues. If my attacker had any personal information about me. I'm sure it would have been posted. I'm also sure nothing would have been done about it.

I'm so sorry to hear of this. I would have stood up for you and any organized campaign against someone. Back in the day, I saw some nasty "Catfights." It was usually a handful of doms going after a dom they felt was too much competition. That would get shut down pretty quickly from the posters themselves. It made the people doing the attacking look like absolute as#sholes. But, as I've said, I've taken long stretches of time off from MF here and there over the years. Most of the people I've met in the femdom scene are cool as heck people, women and men. But, I've experienced the jealous, spiteful, boo-hoo shenanigans a few times too. Eons ago, when MF was still relevant for sessions, another dom went after me so hard and people who knew me pushed back so hard that she ended up putting herself out of business. There was no need for moderator involvement. People and, clients disassociated themselves from her in the local scene. It was a shame because there was no reason for that type of nonsense. I didn't realize that goofy stuff still went on over there. No reason you got fed up with MF.

Thank you Cheyenne. Dommes need to stick together. The hang is full of women hating, passive aggressive, chauvinistic pigs.

Thank Buddha our admin removed the politics forum. They disrespected you, and any other woman that dared to voice her opinion. Let them stay over there until that heinous web rag falls completely apart.

This is absolutely true, The Parthenon officially closed in December 2020 & was dismantled in the first weeks of January 2021. However, the good news is that Mistress Ariana Chevalier (who owned it) is still going strong and still available for sessions in Manhattan.

You might remember my post about building a kick ass home dungeon. My girlfriend and I would like to have occasional parties. But we can't afford the stigma if word gets out in town. As progressive as this country has become, don't dare be kinky. Ah well. It gives us an excuse to travel.

Outing is a terrible effect. Usually done by someone deeply offended, insulted, hurt or angry. Unless they're sociopaths (less than 0.2% of population are), they usually dislike the candidate. They did it to Trump, they tried it on Joe Biden. Teachers, camp counselors, social workers and foster parents had "friends" snitch on them.. I don't have much experience in the "adult world", these are what I've heard by word of mouth.

I heard of few MaleDoms losing their jobs over dominating women in BDSM community. Doesn't matter if consensual, it really depends on his workplace culture.


I was involved with FemDom community in Oregon. I heard at least a dozen consensual adults had to change jobs past 10 years..

One particular story was imprinted on my memory. Told by the 3rd friend of a personal circle.

I knew a woman that fostered a boy in Oregon, her friend since childhood not only had consensual BDSM with the boy for over 3 years, but also vaginally "jump and smash" sex. Eventually the 3rd friend snitched to a social worker and they were consequentially separated... The teen knew exactly what he was getting himself into and the personalities involved.

The 3rd friend (her words to me) saw the strong woman dragged the naked boy across the rural field towards the "raunchy barn" with rope attached to his groin and his hands pulling on the rope, begging her to stop while safe-wording. When 3rd friend told her to stop, the strong woman replied, "he's fine, he's erect", she kicked him hard in the nuts - "the echo startled the birds" (her words), pulled his leg instead to her cream-pie bondage bench. Apparently, she gets very horny certain days each month and eager "smash and mash" until they made cream-pie for an hour.

"Smash and mash" was code for vaginal riding onto cock and outercourse rubbing her vulva-clitoris on both cock and balls, to her own satisfaction. You can't smash and turn vagina into mash with a penis, but you can turn erect cock/balls into mash with strength of vagina and hips. Like a tool smashing and mashing potatoes, dough, butter and whip cream.

She snitched them to foster-guardian's social worker, boy was separated. I would had never knew the back-story if she never told me. I would be asking "where's __her_foster_son's__name_?" to other women at the gym.

Result could had been waaaaay worse, it taught me it really depends on relationship with the social-worker. Politicians in same team will protect each other's activities like bribes, affairs, and corruptions.

She warned me, "be careful of morally-deprived entitled dominants".

Since the boy in the story is referred to as a teen & is in Foster Care, he is obviously under age so I don't consider this to be "outing" someone in the least.

Instead, it is doing the right thing and protecting a child from abuse. That woman should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. My only question is why it took 3 years for someone to take action.

Cheyenne, I might had told you this before in PM

Wearing masks or not showing faces on video reduce chances of any future outing. Examples are clips4sale's Mistress Arletta/studio 147 and "Anika and Friends"..

Recent years, teen sexting was a real issue according to news, with consequences after sharing and outing. The boys at local BDSM workshops were smart and told me wearing mask or different filming angles make outing/recognizing impossible. Missionary or cow-girl position for sex. Full gimp mask, gloryhole and trample-board for BDSM. Domme's back or legs are filmed.

Men have smooth skin by beauty products or laser-skin surfacing by dermatologists, you can't guess his identity or age.

BDSM workshops are great places to meet sadomasochists of all ages, including teens. I think they make the best subs, since their stamina, recovery and pain-tolerance building is higher. I'm still early 20s, but I haven't done many BDSM after a few close calls 6 years ago.

Cock and ball trampling is no joke. It looks intimate and sensual on clips4sale. In real life, depending on the domme - it could turn boyparts into mash, requiring emergency room blood-letting to prevent raptured testicle. Penis fracture is also real, but nothing they could do - certainly won't put a cast on it.

Like a lady friend in BDSM said, "be careful of morally-deprived entitled dommes".. Same can be said against "morally-deprived entitled subs".

It must had been too much for the 3rd friend. I don't know how long they participated.

His stayed with foster-guardian for 3 years, but BDSM's frequency unknown to anyone except those involved. He did seduced the 3rd friend a few times and she told the dominant every time, dominant "was pissed".

But yes, the dominant got caught. The foster-guardian wasn't much involved, so she was lucky. 3rd friend was only hanging with friends and got off. He had every capability to report it, as social-workers meet every few months.

To be honest, he was kind of perverted since first week of school.

- He would go "she's a milf" referring a teacher or random mothers picking up students,

- or "ooou look at her ass" speaking about a girl,

- "i'd squirt every drop inside her - referring to the girl's mother".

- "that girl will grow up to be cock charmer" - referring to a girl from India, as a racist joke,

- "Can I reserve your field to plow or would you give my offer to someone else?" - racist joke to a Native American girl who gave a speech about her lost ancestor land weeks before. Calling her an "indian giver" and mocked her ancestor's land loss by turning it into a pussy joke. Heard him started laughing/snickering while speaking to a friend while her cracked voice and crying tears on stage.

- "you're new here, how much a handjob?" said to an asian girl. She's obviously a student, not a rub-down spa attendant.

- "i'll wait till she's in high school referring a blonde girl he's working-on".... he was a teen attempting to groom a preteen girl into sex by encouraging her to hangout more often after-school, and "turn her into a porn-star". Implying blondes excel in porn and her homework or education isn't important.

- He once stole an older girl's pants and underwear from the girl's change room during swim-class in high school. Laughed that her family member had to delivery her clothes. It's the same girl's grade he destroy, so she would be rejected for a swiss international program.

Tried having sex with his best friend's sister, repeatedly. By pretending to be caring and emotionally-socially interested, he almost got her. If he did - he would probably brag to his guy friend's face, maybe throw her stolen underwear at him. As he joked about behind his friend's back.

He stole a few papers from a smart girl's project assignment and claimed she already had enough grade. "She doesn't deserve anymore"..

Frequently sneak out during night on weekends when her foster-guardian's asleep. Once threw a few eggs at my window, 2 A.M Saturday.

Threw a dozen eggs at a teacher's car, after school.

Threw a banana at a girl's soccer-game, half the opposing-school's team were black. Banana and monkey joke?

Asked Hispanic students how far they swam.... into the country. But also tried to trick a hispanic girl new into sex.

Mocked a homeless man to his face after seeing his cup full of change and bills, "that's a lot of potential alcohol and oxy - I can dispose the cup for you" as a joke.

Asked a homeless woman to dance for bread.

He would take smartphone pictures of women butt without their permission at the local gym, once saw him sneak into the women's locker room for a look.


He once broke windows and threw paint on someone's SUV after a man said something to him. The kid had a baseball bat ready for an older guy in his 40s. He wanted to make him disabled and unemployed so the man can't feed his kids. Police was called on him and he acted the innocent child .

He was selling drugs or sharing drugs at school, encouraging other kids to try it, especially the A+ students. Joked about shooting at school after being told to be quiet in library or when a teacher reprimand him in class. You can tell its a joke by expression how he phrased it. But the fact he was bringing illegal substances made the joke more funny because his morals are already low, compared to a well-behaved nerdy smart-kid making the same joke.

In chemistry lab, he once tried taking chemicals into his bag. Nobody ever did that in my 4 years of high school, except him.

Those are the only ones I remember.

The only positive things he did, was when he acted a normal person. He also substituted into goalie in sports a few times.. Most kids hate being goalie.