References make no sense

Is the listing of references on session request forms outdated and pointless? I think so. It doesn't make much sense to do. When I move to a new city, I may try several massage therapists out at one salon, but I eventually pick and stick with one or two and would feel weird to randomly schedule another girl after being with one for so long. I think the same concept should hold true in sessions.

And.... part of me thinks that only 15% of dommes actually verify references. I really don't picture them taking the time to call or verify, unless they really know the other domme. And they may even feel bad if they're in the same town as the other domme, such as though they are poaching clients.

What exactly would the reference even be needed for? To say that yes, this client is capable of paying a deposit and will be a good submissive? No shit. Require a deposit and let's get rid of this references bs. If a domme can't tell from her senses which clients may be creeps, they shouldn't be doing this.

Interesting topic. I was never one to ask for references. But, have been asked to provide them over the years. Even now, when a friend or former client is seeking to see a dom for the first time, I will reach out the the dom on their behalf if I know the lady. It does help with no many wankers out there. But, it certainly isn't necessary.

Are you doing femdom sessions at massage parlors? That is interesting. I'm surprised they offer them. What is your take on a femdom session at a massage parlor verses one at a dungeon?

Haha, no, I do not do them at massage parlors. I meant reputable massage places. I get one about once every ten days.

References in my opinion are somewhat limited. Peoples interests and limits change over time plus when was the last time a certain mistress saw the person who is asking for a reference. Though there are references among two dommes who know each other which can often be useful in figuring out how the submissive will match with a dommes interests. Case in point when the mistress (Miss Tegan) I used to predominately see in Philadelphia decided to take a sabbatical I reached out to her a few years afterwards since we were still communicating what she thought about Ms. Lydia Supremacy and her play style when it comes to anal play. When I told Miss Tegan I was looking for someone who would push my anal play limits she basically said if you're looking for someone who will push those limits and help you reach new ones to see Ms. Lydia. Since they had both sessioned out of the same location years ago, they knew each other. I was fortunate that Miss Tegan told me that she would reach out to Ms. Lydia on my behalf and make sure she knew what I was comfortable with in a session.

I always thought references were for safety reasons not to determine compatibility or submissiveness. I havent needed them often but when ive been asked ive been happy to provide.

I normally let the Domme i used as a reference know with a quick email reminding them of our session date and details. I know some people ask permission in advance and that seems like a good way to go as well. Im just trying To be efficient.

Ive never had an issue with a domme being willing to provide a reference. My only problem now would be i haven't sessioned in a year.

In my experience from both providing them and having private conversations with Pro Dommes about them, you are absolutely correct on this point. Rarely do Dommes want to know what happened in a session... its about whether the perspective client shows any signs of being dangerous; whether the sub is a giant pain in the ass to deal with; and do they show up (deposits or not, almost all Dommes hate when someone books then does a no-show).



In general, I fall into the latter group because I don't wish to assume a Domme is willing to do that for me. However, I do have some Dommes who have told me that I don't have to do that and when I choose to use those, I do as you do and just give them a heads-up.



I think with the pandemic and everything being shut down, Dommes will be much more willing to give references for someone they haven't seen in a much longer period of time than before... however, my experiences with references is mostly that it allows a Domme to shortcut some of her vetting rather than it being a hardcore requirement to booking a session.

At this point I require a deposit from almost every new client so from that standpoint references are not as important to me as they once were. However, they still have a place in my booking protocols.

1. If a sub has multiple references from top Dommes and I have the time to verify (I usually do and those kinds of Dommes are typically very professional and answer quickly), I will forgo a deposit for up to a 2 hour session. I've actually found that subs that have top shelf references are less likely to flake than someone that put up a deposit. And yes, guys do flake that send in deposits - often.

2. References can be very useful in a close group like AD where we have open and easy communication with each other. I may verify with Domme X that she saw sub y and she may give me a very useful piece of information that either saves me time or has the possibility of making the session better.

3. I am much more likely to require and verify references when I travel. I don't think I need to go into all the reasons behind this but if a guy lives in a town with easy access to Dommes and says he doesn't have references there is likely something off with him.

So for now, asking for references will stay a part of my booking protocols.

The whole flaking out on a deposit is what really puzzles me. I've only had to cancel a session with a deposit once due to covid19. The domme was upset initially but actually calmed down afterwards after we exchanged emails. This was back in mid-March, I had just came back from an event in Pittsburgh and gradually started to show symptoms like many of us who were at the event. Probably about 2 days prior to the session I started to symptoms, rather than risk infecting other people I opted to self-quarantine and cancelled the session out of precaution. As my symptoms worsened I found myself in the ICU. After we discussed the situation, we both were immune compromised and rather than risk it we both agreed it was best to wait. Since she's out of state, I've opted not to travel to her location till a later point. I may still see someone here locally in Maryland but we take proper precautions to be safe.

You clearly aren't interested in FemDom. Or even being respectful to women, in general.

You nay say our reference system and our tributes. You seem to find delight in openly objectifying our bodies.

This is the only way you can get attention, right? Because you have no actual redeeming qualities?

No, actually it was a candid discussion.

When you say "Let's get rid of this references bs", who is this "us" you're implying? I mean, you can just as well see a domme who, for whatever reason doesn't require one.

And those who require references, and those willing to provide them, will gather, and those who don't & won't - won't.

It's a free market, right?

Relax Luke, no need to get worked up. I was only pointing out that it makes sense to get rid of the reference requirement on session applications in order for women to stay dominant. If they don't actually check the "references" I list, then I may think less of their application process.

As I said, only 15% actually verify references. So, I can simply put down a couple references, list their email address, numbers, say I saw them back in February and April, and then two days later, a domme I request a session with will tell me I'm approved. She never checked the references. Since they're rarely checked, only those who actually verify should continue asking for them.

I’m totally relaxed. Just asking basic questions, like “How did you get ‘15%’?”

Personally, I have stopped using the referencing system about 5 years ago.

If you're on tour, there is no time to be checking references. But even so, I have had no call/no shows on tour off the back of more than one reference. I have also had a slave in San Diego give me a Domme's details for a reference, and when I called her to confirm she flipped out.

Also, in the past, I had a client who was very reliable, he was always on time like clockwork. I was out of town and referred him to a friend. He ended up screwing her around and didn't follow through. I found it surprising that someone who'd always been so reliable with me messed up so badly with a colleague. I've also had the reverse of this. A colleague referred one of her long standing clients to me and he cancelled at the very last minute (claiming he was nervous).

And one Domme's standards of what makes a client good may differ from someone else's.

Now, I take deposits 100% of the time (even from regulars I've seen for 7 years and they have no problem with this). So in my professional opinion, I think overall, references are pretty much redundant now days. But to each their own.

I once got screwed around by a client with three GLOWING references from highly reputable Mistresses. I've also had clients who were lovely with me be actively terrifying with other dommes.

I do not rely solely on references. I get a deposit from all new clients and reserve the right to a require a deposit every time if they mess up. I don't require references, but I still ask for them and I always check them when they are presented to me.

They definitely have their place, esp when LE is a concern. It's also true that many clients are reluctant to give a deposit to a less established domme and Mistresess new to the industry may feel that they cannot require deposits without losing too much business but can get references with relative ease.

+1

Yes Maya, you seem to have had very similar experiences to me with with the referencing system.

However, as I was based predominantly in the UK for many years but toured US and Canada, I think it is a lot more common there. In the UK, Dommes rarely ask for references in lieu of a deposit (if they take one at all).

But for me, the best reference a new client can provide is a non refundable deposit