The "rules" first

When you or I saw mistress and esp on the first visit or two, the domme or mistress will take 3 to 10 minutes for conversation to go over limits or your expectations and interests. However, on the other side, there are mistresses and dommes who will clearly or forcefully give the sub or slave rules for session. Of course, it is only a small fraction of dommes who impose "rules" on the sub in the first five minutes of the session, but it is clear from reviews and comments that there are *some,* probably those who are especially sadistic.

In one case, in a review, a guy requested tease and denial, and the domme gave him a "rule" about his not coming without permission.

Some of the dommes *really* like to give whippings, caning or other punishment and they use the occasional or inevitable breaking of rules to wipe the guy out with a punishment they have set or she has chosen.

So, it could be in a session with teasing or foot or ass worship or in regular corporal punishment . . . The domme has and enforces *rules.*

Of course, with most dommes, the rules are unwritten and not always specified in advance. But with others, she gives rules at the beginning. She expects the guy to follow the rules, to be punished or to leave and not come back.

So . . . If you are a domme, where are you in the spectrum of giving rules at the start of a session, or during? If you are a sub, what approaches have the dommes taken with you?

Most experience is fairly uniform. No or almost no dommes imposed rules at the beginning, and usually there was a discussion re a safeword or not. The dommrs with *rules* I have not seen, or their rules came up during the session when I broke a rule without realizing it!

It’s been a while since I met a new Mistress, but here goes. For me the vetting process has always been the ad. My scene has always been role play and seduction, some wrestling, maybe light bondage, hand spanking and worship. And no, I don’t come with a script or dialogue to top from the bottom. I just outline the scene and see what the Mistress likes or won’t do.

The first phone call or email usually determines if the Mistress is comfortable with me and vice versa. And of course the first time we meet before the session to discuss details. In all my years of sessions I walked out three times because the Mistress didn’t look like her pics, I felt unsafe or both. (I usually paid 1/2 the tribute and got out quickly.)

The Mistresses confirm what the do, what they won’t, and many times will take wardrobe requests. Some have used a safe word but with my scene it was hardly ever necessary.

Dommes who have a lot of rules like to start giving them before the session. If they have a website they spell it out there. If you contact them via Email they spell the rules out there. Yeah they occasionally add one or two at the beginning of the session.

Rules can serve multiple purposes. You are obsessed with the misconception that for a large minority of Dommes their primary motivator is sadism. That is flat out wrong. For 99% of them it is making money. In second place for most is domination. You conflate dominance with sadism. There is indeed some overlap between dominance and sadism but they are by no means identical. Most Dommes are much more motivated by dominance than sadism. Imposing rules are a way to express dominance.

Very well put! In my experience it is about dominance and control. One domina I knew who was an athlete (Almost a bodybuilder) and former dancer, loved control. It was her turn on, more than anything else. In our first session she lift and carried me from a sitting position - in high heels - and threw me onto the bed in her hotel room. An I’m 6’ 1” and was 225 lbs. back then. She was my height in heels and maybe 160 lbs. NO, we did not discuss THAT before the session. It was her way to assert dominance and control. I immediately went into subspace... for five years until she retired.

I am not obsessed with any one thing. I just find some topics interesting or worthy of discussion and bring them up. If you read reviews of see some clips from ckips4sale, it will be clear that some dommes like to give or have extra rules.

Not sure if it qualifies as a “rule”, but I did see a domme once who expected you to read and remember everything on her web page. If you couldn’t answer her questions, like “ what’s my favorite color”, “how many brothers do I have”, you received additional punishment. Was rather fun.

This seems to me to be an unwritten rule, or close enough!