If You Married A Femdom Would You Take Her Last Name?

Cheyenne brought up this interesting question in another thread.

I didn't want the topic of that thread to be distracted from so I am posting her question here.

My answer is conditional.

I think the historical roots of wives & children taking a man's name are based on flawed thinking and oppression.

I also think doing the inverse to make a statement is still reinforcing that tradition and still rests on the same faulty thinking.

I do think there is practical value in a couple and their children all sharing the same last name.

Outside of practical issues I don't have a strong preference for any style of nomenclature.

I would take a woman's last name if doing so had a strong meaning for her and if I agreed with that meaning. I would do it out of my love for her.

I'd rather do a hyphenated last name than changing my last name alltogether.

I like my name. It's got long roots, good and bad. Full of reminders. I don't want to surrender it. That being said, I can't ask anyone else to do the same for me.

Could get complicated with kids names I guess.

I would not take anyone else's last name, I can't imagine any conditions under which I'd consider it. Okay, if I were a fugitive from justice, maybe

This would be my second marriage, and I'm old enough that I don't have children, so I don't care one whit whether she changes her name or not. I'd be honored and appreciative if she did, but would not mind if she didn't.

I guess the question becomes more interesting if I pretend I were young enough to still have kids

If she ask me too sure. My last name is never pronounced the right way so if hers was easier spell or pronounce even better. I don’t think of a guy taking a woman’s name as a kinky thing as a few guys do for different reasons.

I would take a woman's last name if doing so had a strong meaning for her and if I agreed with that meaning. I would do it out of my love for her.

That is such a cool feeling on the subject. At the end of the day, if someone is going to be a life partner with someone, they need to care about each other's feelings while being secure about their relationship. As I mentioned in an earlier comment, my daughter is so grieving the loss of her father that she is considering taking his last name back. My son in law is completely cool about it. He'd probably change his too if it made his wife happy. As for me, I'm a traditional person. My late husband and I loved our kinky play but our home life was as vanilla as it gets. (Most of the time.) I wouldn't consider marrying a man if I wouldn't take his last name. Other people feel differently. So, I don't see the big deal over it. In a femdom novel....oh....this could be fun. It has inspired a new video for subbyhubby. I'm thinking about arranged marriages and husband auctions. lol.

I think it's almost just implied with marriage in almost all cases that a woman is gonna take the last name. I think it only becomes an issue if the man brings it up. Personally, I think if a man had to make sure or double check if there would be a name change, it would open the door for cheating because he appears insecure. Men are supposed to be proud of their name.

I think the question is easy for anyone who is truly submissive to say yes, I would take the femdom's name, but for me, as someone who just enjoys seeing a woman with a strap on and her tits out, I wouldn't. I have to wonder if a truly dominant female would even marry a submissive male.

Not following. Are you saying if a woman doesn't want to change her name that would prompt cheating? And that a man is less secure if he doesn't need to endorsement of a woman changing her name to his?

It's not 5%. It's more like 20% and an additional 10% hyphenated.

But you're saying the locus of the woman's honor to her commitments is the man's need for proprietary control. If he doesn't have that, he doesn't deserve loyalty and shouldn't be surprised if he doesn't get it.

That's rather dark. Fortunately, I doubt there's more behind it than opinion. Much like the 5%.

At the end of the day, it is a personal decision. Personally, I wouldn't marry a man if I wouldn't take his last name. But everyone is different and we shouldn't judge. This conversation reminds me of that song, "I am very proud of my daddy's name, although his kind of music and mine ain't exactly the same." This being said, it is hot as heck to think of a submissive man marrying a woman that he is deeply in love with and changing his last name. However so, married couples and even good friends have to be a team.

So, I've got the beginning of a script. With pirating being as bad as it is, I can't afford to fund this but if volunteers want to come out and we donate any profits to charity, I am game. A powerful woman owns a business and is interviewing for a job position...a young man catches her eye and she wants to own him...so she instructs her human resource director to hire him. Then she watches him from a distance, accessing him. She wears certain attire to work and just messes with his head...whatever that may be...gloves, boots, six inch heels...and she acts as if it completely normal as she privately laughs about how much it is messing with his head. Finally, she makes her move or allows him to make his. However so, they end up together. He is so desperate to marry her that she makes him take her last name. How does it end...with him wearing panties under his soccer clothes gear while coaching their child's team or living in a basement while being pimped out at truck stops? Suggestions? Let's have fun with this.

Let's say it was a father's ambition that his son become a troll. The son had once envisioned a better, brighter future for himself. But pleasing his father was always uppermost in his decision-making. So, the son became a troll. A very inept troll at that since his heart was not in his vocation.

In such a case we would say that the locus of the son's doomed ambition was his father's approval. A thing quite outside the son himself.

In your rendering of "how women think," the locus of their fidelity to their commitments is not to be found in themselves or their personal integrity - but in the desire to be owned and renamed by the lord of the manor as the property of the lord of the manor. But at least he didn't ask them to become a troll.

Would a truly dominant woman marry a submissive male? That is a good question. The answer is probably that it is different for everyone. A close dom friend of mine married a submissive male. They have been together for over twenty years now and are very happy together. As for me, I am lifestyle to the point that I love kink. But in my heart, I have traditional family values. There is no right or wrong answer on this.

That's pretty hot. I would say it's fine to take the wife's last name if that was her wish. Single sex couples are doing it. Have a man figure out what a hassle it is to change his name.

And it would be in service to his wife. Having a dungeon and being lashed to a bed is great, but domming a sub can be a wink of her eye or the snap of her fingers. She's not coming down the stairs in high heeled boots in the am but she wants her slave there to serve her coffee and hand her the morning paper.

If she believes in her dominance, so will he, and he will want to be of service to her in all ways.

But why does a dominant woman need a single man as a husband? Why not a few or a half a dozen slaves who serve her? Only one may end up in her bed every night or chained to the end of her bed, and the one who serves her the best earns that favor. Nothing gladiator like but maybe there's contests that bring out the individual skills of the slaves to occasionally give them chances, as they care for each other or they would not be doing this to begin with. Unhappy slaves can either leave or work harder.

Fun topic for sure!!

That's a good answer Soapy.

If I were to marry a man, I wouldn't take his last name. If I married a woman, I wouldn't take her last name. If I married a FemDom, I would take her last name - if that's what she wanted.

What you describe is hot! It would be so cool to brainstorm and get a dozen or so if us together to film a full length femdom video like what we are talking about. Proceeds would go to charity. The men would have to live that way for the time they were there....no breaking character.

Agreed, this all makes sense to me. I got married in December, and both my husband and I actually changed our names to a new last name that combines the sounds of our previous names. Like how Jim + Pam = Jam We revel in the little clan we have cultivated and wanted to celebrate that. Logistically, I also would never want to deal with hyphenated or different names for different children.

Funny, the troll in this thread said men should be proud of their name and yet it was his mother that freaked, though we expected his father to lololol

There are many well-known Dommes who have married their subs, including Madame Caramel and Cybill Troy. One of my own subs was married to a Dominatrix when they fell mutually in love. We are all human.

That is very sweet It's sort of a submissive thing to do, isn't it? And indicative of a consensual sort of oppression, ha ha!

I really like that idea!

Aside from hyphenated names getting unwieldy I like the symbolism of a couple choosing a new name together. As equals, taking on a new identity and a new life together. Sharing equally in the benefits and burdens of taking on a new name,showing the world you belong to each other.

Its not oppression if I wanted to do it. To get into that sort of relationship to begin with I would need to respect, admire, and think the world of that woman. If that was the case I would want to do things for her.

I agree with what you're saying here, Soapy.

I would not take anyone's name, man or otherwise. I would not expect him to do the same for me (though my last two partners indicated they would take my name if we married).

As a person who has a knee-jerk response to various traditions, I would rather see men take women's names. But tend to think that what's even more interesting is when a partnership results in a new name for them both. Whether it's hyphenated or a new name altogether. A potential genealogical headache, but fitting symbolically.

I hadn't heard of this idea before.

I really like it. It seems to have a lot of positive "team spirit", positivity, and a strong statement behind it.

I'm open-minded about a lot of things but too damned traditional... yeah old. I don't know. I'm not sure how I would have reacted in "the Dark Ages" when my wife and I got married. In my experience a few longtime couples we know, friends and family, the wives have kept their maiden names professionally (in a couple of cases hyphenated it), but legally the name they use is their husbands. I once worked with a guy who was very forward thinking at the time (around 1980) and when he got married he hyphenated his name.

All of this is about respect, comfort and a bit of practicality (home loans, credit cards... legalities) mixed in.

I think that this is more interesting as a hypothetical question than a real one. Usually a domme uses a different name in her trade, like Cheyenne. I think that some respondents are thinking of that name rather than the real name, like Porky Rogers. The same goes for subs, my real name is not Komodo. I think that most people want a separation between their play and their life, and they want privacy in their life.

Taking the name of the wife draws attention to both in a way that probably neither of them would want.

I would take whatever she wanted......to be married to a Femdom is the dream! She could write my vows....she would own everything, would control everything, I would promise to honor and obey and grovellingly serve until death do us part....or she kicks me to the kerb.....for which I would be eternally grateful....my mistress's decisions are without question.