What’s the funniest thing that ever happened in or around a session?

We need a few laughs during times like these.

What’s the funniest thing that ever happened to you in session? And that’s for both submissives and Mistresses. Let’s laugh at ourselves. I have a story or two, and I’ll share them later on. But please... share a few of your stories.

Just recently:
I had edible chocolate bodypaint. I wrote "lick" on my leg with the chocolate and told my sub to obey. We're always pretty silly. He takes a lick and then in the raspiest voice he goes "Chocccollllatttte." I immediately recognized the spongebob reference and started yelling

Me: "WHAT'RE THEY SELLING?"

Him: CHOCOLATTTTTE

ME: CHOCOLATEEEE?...I ALWAYS HATED IT!!

We were dying for about ten minutes and I had to wash my leg off in the end haha

The reference for those that don't know: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obBjKdhZ7-I

I had an afternoon session after which I went home and took doggo for a tour. Smiling like a loon at everyone I met because the session popped like anything. Everyone returned my smile with a quirky one of their own. Got home and discovered I still had a very slutty coat of red lipstick on (except for what came off on the strapon). I've also left still wearing a slave collar. And was once sent home with a vibrating butt plug - which at least was switched off. Until I sat down on the subway. Bzzzzzz.... If I recall, I think I tried acting like it was my phone.

One time I was in a session where I was strapped on the cross. My domme was walking and accidentally tripped and fell. She was ok and all, but I couldn’t help myself to laugh a little bit as it looked like something out of a comedy movie. The domme got up right into my face and said you think that’s funny? And I said actually it was as long as you weren’t hurt. Then she couldn’t help but laugh herself too. I still ended up getting 5 extra canning strokes for laughing so it was all good.

That is hilarious!!! I'll sometimes do that imitation "Chawwcolate". Most don't get it, but I love it when people do.

Thanks for sharing the laugh!

I promised I'd provide a couple of stories and here's one for today. It involves Empress Dominique who I served 1999 until 2001 when she was based in the NY/NJ area. (From what I understand the Empress is now in Florida, according to Fetlife.) We sessioned in a factory loft space she rented with one other Mistress on the Jersey City waterfront, a nice private well-equipped dungeon.

She liked my "jungleboy" roleplay of being captured by the Empress, Queen of the Jungle. After doing variations of it two or three times I asked the Empress if I could wear my homemade jungle print thong along with something else. She asked what it was. I saw some body makeup at a costume store that said "tiger stripes" or something like that. The Empress approved.

At the next session she let me come over a half hour early to prepare. I put most of it on my face, arms, chest and thighs. I looked like I was the offspring of Tarzan and a tiger. The Empress came in and was initially impressed. Since the building was usually empty she'd always encourage me to act like an animal and howl, grunt, etc. and with the makeup on, I even more than usual, rolling around in front of her to try and worship her feet and acted like, well, a "junglebeast."

All was going well until the Empress she started to giggle, then laugh. I stopped and she said, "Look around." The rug was filled with "tiger stripe" makeup. The makeup on my arms, legs and chest were all smudged and plenty was on the floor. I was mortified and immediately wanted to clean it. She waved me off and ordered me to continue. Of course I did and the mood wasn't broken. It went to the next level. I've never been a spanking or bondage guy, but the whole "Tarzan Tiger" thing inspired the Empress to give me the hardest spanking and "torture" on a cross I ever experienced from her.

At the end of the session she laughed again and told me to vacuum and clean the floor before allowing me to wash up, dress and drive her home. When I dropped her off at home she said, "Next time, just face makeup," and laughed again. I never did bring makeup again, so it was a unique and memorable session, one with more than a few laughs.

Somehow your role play reminds me of a movie I liked a lot "I love you" with Sonia Braga, like the scene when she was saying sometimes Me Tarzan,you Jane. Have you seen it?

No I haven’t, but vaguely remember it. I guess now is the time to catch up on it. Thanks.

Here's one that I hope won't offend any Dominas since it is about a lady I met who was always in control and dominant, but did provide other services.

In the mid-1990s I answered an ad from New York Magazine's old "Personals" classified section, which is now long gone. The ads were two or three lines and included ladies who provided massage, domination and escort. I called Gina (not her real name). This may offend some here but the lady provided all three services. Gina was maybe 40, Brazilian, with a deep, sexy voice and accent who was very assertive. I called, Gina liked what she heard and I got an appointment.

Gina had a nice two-bedroom apartment on East 51st Street off of 3rd Avenue. She usually had one other woman working with her. She had long blonde hair that usually fell over one shoulder or the other. Gina had that deep sexy accent, was very busty (she always bragged about that and had a lot to brag about), a thick, curvy figure, was about 5 ft. 6 in. or so without heels (I'm 6 ft. 1 in.). And she always wore red lipstick.

Gina approved of the Tarzan roleplay. The first session was Tarzan providing the Amazon Queen with a massage, and some body worship, while he got a hand spanking and she used her sexy accent to talk trash which drove me nuts. In the second session Tarzan was still the Amazon Queen's sub, but he was used for her complete pleasure... with maybe a spanking thrown in to show she was the boss.

After the second session and I was freshening up and getting dressed, Tina walked in with an animal print dress with spaghetti straps in her arm. "For the next session." I said something stupid like, "You'll look great in it." And grinned. We laughed, I thought she was joking, and I left thinking nothing of it.

I called a few weeks later for another appointment. She immediately said, in that sexy voice, "Is Tarzan ready to dress up?" As has often happened to me I let the wrong head do the talking. I stammered, said yes, and late one Saturday morning I nervously entered her apartment.

I was greeted by her young female assistant who was Brazilian but did not speak English. Gina called out to follow her into the bedroom and there was Tarzan's costume: the animal print dress with spaghetti straps; backless high heels that were at least one size too small for me; and a blonde woman's wig. The assistant motioned me to get undressed and helped me get into the dress, which was too tight in some areas and not tight enough in others. We couldn't get the straps on so I had bare shoulders. And then she put Gina's red lipstick on me, very heavy.

I didn't look in the mirror. It couldn't have been a pretty picture: hairy legs, flat chest, heavy lipstick, ridiculous looking hair... and wobbly on the high heels. Then Gina walked in, wearing a black bustier that made it look like her breasts were about to pop out of it, matching backless open-toed high heels, red lipstick and matching nails. The slight aroma of cocoa butter surrounded her.

She ordered me to try and walk around on the high heels, laughed and called Tarzan names in that deep, sexy Brazilian voice. She came close and squeezed my nipples, her curves just brushing against me. Gina breathily whispered in my ear something like, "TARZAN is a fucking SLUT!" bent me over and I thought she was going to take me from behind. (I was a virgin.)

Strangely Gina then went to bed, removed her high heels and her breasts popped out of her bustier. She growled, "SLUT! Come here! I want your lipstick on my big NIPPLES!" I hungrily struggled to crawl from the foot of the bed to Gina, whose legs were now wide open. I made sure my lips filled with red lipstick correctly surrounded each nipple.

Gina checked and with me kneeling in bed in front of her she grabbed my wig and threw it one way, grabbed the skirt, took it off over my head and threw it the other way, and aggressively grabbed my manhood and purred, "Tarzan, take care of your Jungle Queen."

After it was all over Gina's chest and face were covered with red lipstick, as was mine. She dragged me to shower and got in with me to scrub the evidence off of me. Dazed, confused and delighted I blurted out, "Why... what happened?"

Gina grinned and cooed in that sultry voice, "You no crossdresser... And I couldn't waste your big, hot cock." We both laughed and hugged.

I only saw her a couple more times after that. Went home to Brazil to see family and she did come back, but we lost touch. Hell of a woman.

Years ago a session in Philadelphia. Mistress pissed on me at the beginning of a session. After the session I drove back to hotel and decided to stop for a beer. Order beer take a big sip and person next to me moves away.
Holy shit. I smell like piss. Bolted immediately and went to shower.

One of the funniest things I remember actually happened after a session. We had done electrical play and the sub's whole area down below was a bit numb at the end. He left the session and went to his favorite watering hole for a drink. While sitting there he reminisced about the session and had a spontaneous orgasm in his pants. He then proceeded to get totally pissed (drunk) because he couldn't leave until the front of his pants dried.

The stories here have been laugh out loud funny. Funnier than mine, but here I go again.

This is another one story based on the from the NY Magazine Classified Ads in the mid 1990s. Mistress Melora was her name, a tall, voluptuous, some might say zaftig lady, in her late 30s, maybe 40 at the time. She had a pale complexion but long red hair over her shoulders. Melora usually wore some type of black bustier and either high heel boots or shoes.

Even for someone of my height, weight she could be physically imposing. Melora lived in what I could only call a medical building in the East 60s of Manhattan built in the 60s or 70s. I always felt she was a head nurse or hospital administrator. She sessioned out of her apartment, a two-story studio with a small bathroom on the left as you walked in, a kitchenette with bar in front of that, four steps up the living room, and then 8 to 10 steps up her open air bedroom... which I never visited. The sessions were done in her living room.

This was in the mid to late '90s, before I discovered female bodybuilders and after the HIV/Aids epidemic. She liked being the Amazon Queen and was physically imposing, face sitting (not nude), roughing Tarzan up, almost doing scissors looking back on it, lots of foot, leg and breast worship, slapping, spanking. I usually saw her on Sunday mornings for several years, off and on, into the early 2000s. It was more intimate, sneaky, evil I guess... LOL.

In this session I called from downstairs, she left the door unlocked, I locked the door and we began immediately. She thrashed me around, I begged, fought to worship her all over, she allowed me to, Melora began humping me when I stood up as if she had a strap on... it was a heavily sensual session. We both had a great time.

I washed up, began to get dressed and had some small talk. She escorted me to her apartment door, we hugged and kissed each other on the cheek and said goodbye.

As I began to unlock the door both or us realized something. Both of us said, almost at the same time, "Wait a minute." Both of us laughed. I took out of my pocket the envelope she always requested with my tribute. We had such a good time both of us almost forgot about it!

We both laughed, hugged and I was on my way.

Moral of the story? Mistresses, no matter how much you trust or like your sub, GET THE TRIBUTE BEFORE YOU START!

LOL!

Years ago, I had a client who came every Friday night for a session. I had just purchased a new fetish outfit, including a pair of six inch heels. I was excited to surprise him. One of the doms at the studio had my client on his knees, waiting in the lower level dungeon. She had warmed him up and got him in a great headspace. She had even taken the time to light candles and make everything as dramatic as possible for my entrance. As I walked down the stairs, in my new heels, I tripped and ended up rolling all the way down. It was like a scene from the Carol Burnett show. I landed, spread eagle, right at his feet. What do you say to that? "Tada?" All of these years later, my former client and I are still good friends. We will always laugh about that.

I wish that was on film!

As a side note: Did you ever make a "bloopers" clip at Club Dom? I've had some funny things happen on film and for a while I tried to save them to a file for future laughs. I need to try to find that . . . We all need some laughs right now.

Somebody might think how did you forget yo got pissed on. To this day it is the only golden shower I ever got and it was on the middle of my back and lower. It happened towards the beginning of the session.
That early summer evening was nice so when I got to my car to drive back to the hotel I kept the windows down. Really never got a whiff of myself until a couple of seconds after the guy next to me did.
If you knew how vain I am about appearance and smell you would laugh.
When I got back to the hotel I took the stairs so I wouldn’t have to be in the elevator with anyone else.

Here’s just one more story to keep this going. This is about my second session with Goddess Vegas (a.k.a. “Lethal Leg Goddess”) back in 2005. I found her on the wb270.com site for female bodybuilders. But she wasn’t a body builder, in the cliché sense, with a deep voice and enormous muscles. By trade the Goddess was a former Vegas showgirl (hence her name) and her physique was something like an almost six-foot track or Olympic swimmer. I met her when we were both in our early 50s and she was in amazing shape for any age, and as I learned, was a fitness coach, practiced yoga, was an expert videographer (she did produce her own vids of sessions) among other talents, and a great sense of theatricality.

She was the most, or one of the most, dominant and intimidating women I’ve ever met. But she wasn’t a dominatrix either. She didn’t work out of a dungeon, instead hotels or her home. She rarely, if ever, used equipment. SHE was the equipment, as you’ll soon see. She was highly mysterious. In all her photos and self-made videos her face was never shown, which is why she kept her blondish hair quite long to protect her privacy. Between that face and her figure being with her was like being with a gorgeous Hollywood star who was a world class athlete. I served her for five years, usually twice a year. She never went topless in session. She never came close to touching “jungle pet,” as she called me, in the genital area. Yet my sessions with her were some of the most erotic I ever had, and I slipped into probably the deepest subspace of my life.

Goddess Vegas’ turn-on, I think, was to physically and emotionally intimidate males. For instance, in our first session that was in a NYC hotel she sat down on a lounge chair in her room and ordered me to sit on her lap. I was around 225 or 230 lbs. then. She was maybe 150 or 160 lbs. and was wearing high heels. She told me to follow her instructions, cradled me in her arms, and stood up holding me. She walked several steps and threw me on the bed with such force I rolled onto my stomach. I was immediately smitten and in deep subspace.

The second session was in her apartment in Vegas and ask if I’ve ever been scissored. I did see pictures. Some bodybuilders in wrestling session would wrap their legs around the male subs’ torso or neck/head. To be clear, the Goddess did not do wrestling. Subs were kind of like tackling dummies for her. I chose the neck/head scissor because, horny me, my head and mouth would be in close proximity to her genital area. I got into position. She told me to tap if I felt heavy pain and she would stop. As she scissored I could feel the light hold with one or two muscles going. By the second or third scissor the pain was high and the amount of thigh muscles squeezing my jaws were astounding in the way she was able to pulsate the muscles.

A week or ten days later I was having breakfast one morning, oatmeal with raisins, and I began to chew on something hard. It wasn’t a hard raisin but an old filling, which popped out. Towards the end of the day I went to the dentist and he was mystified. The dentist asked, “This happened with you eating oatmeal?” I said yes. As he filled the tooth with all the lovely dental equipment in part of my mouth he then asked, “I’d swear, it’s almost like you were hit on the mouth.” I grunted “No.” But seconds later I realized… it was Goddess Vegas’ thighs and scissors that did the damage. I seemed to grin at the memory. Seeing me grin the dentist had the weirdest look on his face as if to say, “What the hell is he smiling for?”

When I left the dentist, I immediately called the Goddess and initially she was concerned about the tooth. It was almost like she was worried I was going to complain to her about what happened. When I told her of my grin and the dentist’s reaction, we both had a good laugh… and seemed to bond as Mistress and sub from then on.

To everyone who has read and contributed to this, my thanks. Writing about my adventures years ago and remembering them, during this terrible time was therapy for me. I hope my stories were diversion for many. As for the responses... between memories of 'CHOCOLATTE', walking the dog not realizing you have lipstick all over your face and a collar on, your Mistress tripping and falling (and laughing about it), the sub who came in his pants at a bar and got tipsy waiting for his pants to dry, the subs who smelled of GS, Mistress Cheyenne who made her grand entrance like Carol Burnett... they have all been special and most were laugh out funny.

Keep 'm cumming! We all need it.

Everyone, be well and stay safe!

I probably should have but didn't. When Mad Magazine was a in it's first year, they had one subscriber cancel. The person was in Bolivia or some country quite far from the US. The founder of the magazine put the entire staff (Which was about 10 people at the time) on a plane. They just showed up at the guy's doorstep and asked why he canceled. Hilarious.

Years ago, I made a similar video of a few doms and I showing up at a man's office and doing the same....only strap ons were involved. I linked it to the cancel button on the site.

I sense more humor and just for the fun of it videos being in need. :-)

It was a pleasure to read about your exploits. I think that many of us, even those with a sense of humor usually are too tense when they start and too eager at later stages. I have enough laughter but not much slapstick or comedy in my sessions. Not enough material for good stories for third parties. I think that your particular fantasy is fertile ground to generate interesting episodes.

Some may not have found this funny if it happened to them but definitely funny to happen to another.
About the year 1999. I have a 3 day meeting and stay at a hotel because after the meetings we go out for a few drinks. Get back to hotel early evening and grab the DC City Paper. Remember those? I am looking for strapon play. First Domme ad I call I find out she is two blocks away from hotel. Perfect since I had a few drinks. Very happy and relaxed.
Abbreviate the session. On a table, legs in stirrups and getting stretched with fingers and toys. Now strapon time. My eyes are closed and I am relaxed. She starts and as always it takes some work but eventually I surrender. A few minutes in I ask what size strapon is inside me.
Her answer was, Jiminhales2, I don’t have a strapon. That is my dick inside you. She asked, Did you really read the ad?
Well I did when I got back to hotel and I missed something. Wow.

Pushing limits.... lol

OMG! That's the stuff dreams are made of . . . for some people.

LOL! Short story along similar lines. Knew a European female bodybuilder, real Amazon, saw her once or maybe twice a year when she’d come to NYC. This was in the mid-2000s. I was really working out then and she liked it. By the fourth session I thought for sure I’d orally pleasure her that day. We always did a bit of wrestling, I’m big, she’s big but damn, no way she was letting me get close. Breast worship, fine, muscle worship sure, and I was allowed to pleasure myself. Wonderful session... but how could I be so wrong? Going home it hit me. I called her. We talked around the subject, me saying stuff like “Goddess, you are the strongest, most unique Domina I’ve ever met.” Finally I had the nerve to say, “You must have a massive clit... more like a ‘clit-cock’.” There was silence. Then she laughed and said, “You’re the only sub I ever had to figured that out.” I laughed. She was relieved. She was what used to be called a hemaphrodite. (Check Google.)

Strangely, this straight middle-aged (then) guy didn’t get weirded out. To be blunt, I lost a bet with her before the next session and she ordered me to briefly worship her. Worshiped strap on but that’s the only time the real thing. Taught me something about myself and sexuality in general, I guess. She was, is still, gorgeous.

Let’s just say it opened some new kinks.
BTW, she did not stop and oddly enough I didn’t ask her to. Mind you I had a couple of beers in me. That’s what I kept telling myself after I left.

Did a session with a submissive who loved leather boots. I wore a pair of thigh highs with five inch stiletto heels. Part of the session included me stomping on french fries and then feeding them to him.

French fry grease and stilettos are a bad combination. I was sliding around and narrowly missed falling on my ass multiple times before it actually happened. At one point I tried wiping off the grease but it wasn't enough and I spent the rest of the session trying my hardest not to fall over. Couldn't help but laugh since the whole thing was so ridiculous.


On a different note, I love ordering slaves to tell me a joke when they are in... difficult... situations. The jokes they come up with under duress are always terrible, which provides an additional excuse for punishment.

That is SO devious and sounds like fun! Also sounds like it would extremely entertaining!