Sub drop

I know that sub drop is a real thing. The more intense/enjoyable the session is - the greater the chance there will be a commensurate down side. For subs, how does sub drop feel for you and how do you combat it or deal with it?

There is also something akin to that for Dommes. I call it Domme drop. For me it comes after either a super intense long session or after a tour. It's not a depressive feeling per se but I can feel a little blue. During those times I like to be left alone (no social engagements, dinners out, etc.) and I like to sleep. Once I have had a good sleep, exercise will usually spring me back and I feel good as new.

How about the rest of you? Thoughts?

I wholeheartedly agree that the more intense/enjoyable the session ... and the more build-up and anticipation there is for it ... the greater the chance for sub drop.

For me, when it's at its worst, I find it hard to focus... hard to be productive. I have no desire, no motivation, to do much of anything except exist. I agree that sleeping does help and I fully believe that if I could motivate myself to exercise, it would help as well since exercise tends to release endorphins which of course can trigger a positive feeling in your body. This last time, though, the problem was the motivation to do it ... it just wasn't there.

As you stated, I feel blue... maybe a little depressed even. It's almost like post-vacation blues, but much more severe. Whenever I plan a nice vacation and look forward to it for months on end, when it's over and I'm back home and back into the day-to-day routine, I tend to feel a little blue and down in the dumps.

It helps having others to chat with that understand and can relate ... and, for me personally, writing that follow-up email to you a couple of days post-session and then getting your response helped tremendously.

I've got to continue to work on ways to deal with it when it happens... continue to try to find what works best for me.... because, inevitably, it will happen again. Do I like it? ... No ... but is it worth it? ... Oh hell yes!!

Unfortunately after my last session I experienced sub drop. The words that come to mind to describe how it felt- empty, heavy, lethargic. Like DemonVoxx mentioned, I didn't have motivation to do much of anything. I stayed in bed most of the day after. I wanted to work out as I thought that would help, but I couldn't make myself leave the house.

What seemed to help was having a couple of people to talk to who could relate. It was reassuring to know others experience it and I wasn't alone. I tried reading, but had difficulty focusing. Instead I watched some stand-up comedy - laughter always helps. I also jotted down my initial thoughts from the session which helped reconnect me to the experience.

I'm figuring out the best ways to pull myself out of it. Seeing the sun would have been useful as the winter dreariness is not helpful. I did get to the gym the following day and it seemed to work to lift my mood.

That's interesting that Dommes can have a drop of sorts.

I feel the same as a do after a big performance (I am a musician). So much build up, then so in the moment, then such a sense of euphoria, then a let down. It is not a let down of disappointment. Rather it is a sense of something i have worked toward being over. It is a liminal space that resides within experiences, where i am keenly aware of the physical and the emotional. Then the cycle starts all over again.

This ... this is a big part of it for me as well ... such a build-up, then it finally arrives and it's extremely intense and euphoric .... and then it's over. As Kneel4Her stated, there's a feeling of emptiness.

Oh, yes. Good reminder to mention this to newbies that I see. I'm sure some regulars might do well with a mention, too.



Definitely! I think sleep is maybe the best cure for this, and the endorphins you mention are good too. I also like to snack on something protein-ascious to level my mood.

Sometimes I'll notice myself dropping more consistently and I need a good cry to kinda reset my barometer, as it were. Our biggest job as Dommes is often really to hold space for people to be vulnerable. We inadvertently take on a lot as energy-workers, so personally as an empath I need to expunge that now and then.

These are great, thank you! Might pass some of these on in the future, especially as both you and DemonVoxx mentioned writing about the session as helpful. I love getting feedback, so sending a follow-up email might be a lovely way to give your Mistress a nice spike of dopamine should she be dropping, too. Two birds!



Oh gosh, big time! Above, y'all relate the excitement of scenes to a performance. What is a session if not a personal performance, if only for your partner? (Which does NOT mean it is inauthentic, mind you.) Part of why I adore Domming is the similarities it holds to acting: listening, reading your partner(s), objectives, tactics, holding attention. All the good stuff

Sub drop? I've had a wide variety of feelings and emotions after session especially years ago when I was a lot less experienced. If it was a mediocre session I'd feel guilty about (a) making the appointment with someone new and: (b) the amount of money spent.

In recent years most of my sessions have been memorable and rewarding. I pick my spots nowadays and have sessioned with less than a handful of ladies in the past decade, which may be part of it. If I experienced sub drop or depression it was usually due to me visiting out-of-town to visit a Mistress or her coming to my hometown. The anticipation and euphoria of the session disappears as soon as you leave and hit the street. It can be tremendously deflating.

I have been able to combat that feeling by reliving the session in my mind before I go to bed. Another way has been to text or call the Mistress later in the day, or the next day, to thank her. With Mistresses I've known well and have reached out, they often value the feedback because, as stated here earlier, they may experience some sort of "drop" from the session too.

Absolutely. You nailed it.

This is indeed energy work and we need to practice self care. It sounds like you have the "touch" Mis Adah Vonn. I hope those boys up there know how fortunate they are.

I am sorry to hear that your drop was that bad. Having others to share your experience and offer support is definitely helpful - even if it's just to know you are not alone. Sometimes it's just something that you have to get through, but if it lingers more than a day without improving in the future, let Me know. Personally sometimes I think it is the "disconnect" from the Domme that contributes. "Your time" is over and you are not sure when you will be able to repeat . . . I am always here and never fully disconnected from you, so let Me know if you need a little extra support. I may just tell you to get out of the damned bed and send Me a picture from the gym. ;-)

The feelings of domme-drop may even be a greater conern for a domina than sub-drop for a submissive simply because as a sub, I have the opportunity to experience these feelings perhaps five or six times a year, whereas a professional domina is liable to these feelings five or six times a week.

My goodness, thank you so much =^^= That means a lot, especially coming from yourself.

I think we as practitioners must understand and practice self care on a deeper level than the buzzword seems to imply.

A quote? phrase? I saw on twatter and liked: "True self-care is building a life from which you do not need to escape."

True. Volume certainly plays a part, though of course everyone's mileage varies.

I would say I have built a tolerance, to some extent. Though I have also gotten better at knowing my limits and enforcing good boundaries in both sessions and scheduling. All parts of the whole, I suppose.

I felt like you after after a session. Not BDSM session but exam session, when I used to cram 20 hours a day, it was intense and after I passed all exams I felt empty.

Usually after a BDSM session I feel exhilarated, rejuvenated and in a very good mood. I might have trouble sleeping before but not after. It is possible that mental activities drain you while physical activities invigorate you. I wonder whether this happens because my sessions usually end in some very active ways.

Okay, so I realize this particular thread is over a year old now, but I came across the following article while doing research after one of my bouts with sub drop and found it to pretty relevant to the feelings I was dealing with. Thought maybe others may find it helpful ...

https://jenniferbene.com/2016/12/ask-me-anything-what-is-sub-drop/

This is interesting. My experience is limited to playing with my girlfriend and one professional session. Both left me high as a kite and happy for days. Why do you think it is that others may experience a form of depression?

I think there's probably a variety of factors why some experience it and others may not. Several articles I've read make mention of the chemical imbalance that can occur after an intense session in which one's body releases a lot of endorphins, epinephrine and adrenaline all at once and then afterwards you're coming down off of that high and it's akin to withdrawal.

For me personally, I know that there's also the factor of having anticipated and looked forward to a session with my Mistress for so long and that the time with her is so intense and so mesmerizing that when it's over and I'm back to my "vanilla" world, it's a bit depressing. In a way, it's kind of like post vacation blues. As another article stated, our memories begin to create a stark contrast between the sweet pleasure of 'what was' and the less appealing 'what is'.

I get topdrop every now and then as well. Honestly, a nice bubble bath in candlelight and some chill music really helps reset my mind. The energy I don't want flows right out my body, into the water, then down the drain

My Mistress recommended working out for me, which I have to admit did help! Hmmm ... a glass of wine and then working out might work even better but probably isn't a good combination.

I think another factor that figures in to the equation for me is that I simply miss my Mistress.
The article I referenced makes mention of the emotional side of the equation and how one can suddenly feel abandoned, depressed or unloved. For me, I feel such a strong connection with Her when we're in session that when it's over and I'm back home and hours away from her, I feel alone.

Bottom line is that it's a pretty crappy feeling but knowing and understanding what it is and that it's normal for some can help one muddle through it.

What you describe makes perfect sense. I get it now. My live in girlfriend is my sole play partner. We've only had one professional session so far. It was together, with her topping along with the Mistress. I understand why being left to your own having experienced such an emotional high would be lonely. That sucks, dude, such a double edged sword.

You're absolutely right, it is a double-edged sword, but it is so totally worth it!!

Sub drop (and Dom drop since I am a switch) can be a horrible, horrible thing.

The worst I ever had it was one time, after a multi day session. It was an utterly fantastic session and I was in my car driving home. It was about an hour after the session ended.

I totally lost my shit and sobbed like a baby for a good 20 minutes. It was a complete, uncontrollable emotional response.

Rationally, I was ok. I didn't have dangerous thoughts or anything. I knew I was experiencing sub drop.

It was just... uuhhhg...

BUT! It goes away. After it subsided, I was back to normal. And actually pretty happy because really, it was an awesome session.

I can so totally relate, except for me it was a day or two later. It does help realizing that it’s sub drop and that you’re not losing it, but yeah ... it’s definitely uuhhg!

Thanks for sharing!

Ah yes. I've had it hit me a day or two later.

Like a hangover, ya just gotta ride it out. And, is it worth it? Oh hells yes. Its worth it.

Dusting this topic off as I've been doing more research and reading on sub drop.

Almost all online blogs and articles on the subject of sub drop refer to the chemical and hormonal changes that take place within our bodies and these changes are widely believed to be what's occurring when sub drop is experienced. That's all well and good and I do believe that may be precisely what's happening when the drop is experienced shortly after an intense scene in the session, but it really doesn't hold up too well when the drop is experienced one or more days after the session has ended. Some articles attempt to explain that these chemical and hormonal changes could extend for a few days, but for me that just never really *felt* right.

For me personally, the worst of it always hits anywhere from 1-4 days after the session and it just never made sense to me that this could still be due to chemical/hormonal fluctuations in my body. A few days after getting back to my everyday work and home life, I feel the loneliness and emptiness starting to creep in and at times it becomes overwhelming. I find it difficult to concentrate and I generally lack interest in the things that typically bring me satisfaction. I've continued to read and research the subject in an effort to gain a better understanding of what's happening and why it hits me so hard in the hopes of maybe coming up with a way to counteract it.

Earlier this week I came across a research paper by Richard A. Sprott, Ph.D. from California State University and Anna Randall, MSW, MPH, DHS from The Alternative Sexual Health Research Alliance. The theory behind this paper was very intriguing to me because it is the first article that I have come across that attempts to give a different explanation to what's happening with the sub drop that occurs days later. Basically, they theorize that the "days later" drop is not a biochemical reaction but is instead a reaction to loss and is a process of grief and bereavement.

I won't go into the details of their theory here ... I've posted the link below if you're interested in reading it. But I do have to admit that I find this theory much more plausible and believable than an extended biochemical reaction.

Black and Blues: Sub Drop, Top Drop, Event Drop and Scene Drop

Thanks for posting this link. I personally don't experience sub-drop (nor top-drop as I am a switch) but I accept that there are others that do. I naively assumed that the onset was fairly quick and therefore subscribed to the psychochemical theory. However those have serious problems when there is a lengthy delay.

I would note that the article proposes two separate theories. The first involves guilt/grief/regret (arguably multiple theories) The second theory which is even more speculative involves identity. You appear to see the first theory as applicable to your situation.

Hopefully some others will share their experiences

Yes, I believe the first theory of grief/loss applies more to what and how I begin to feel a day or more after the session. I don't feel embarrassed or ashamed or even exhausted and I certainly don't feel a loss of identity.

I've just come away from this highly anticipated, very real, very raw and yes, even very intimate connection with my Mistress and now I'm back in my everyday existence and I find myself feeling lost, disconnected, unmotivated, depressed and sad.

I agree. The feeling after a great session is always a little bit like the way I feel the day after Christmas.

This is an excellent article on xdrop and the clarification between the different drops. I have often wondered if whet you experience is grief. I am still not clear why it takes a day or two to fully hit. I wonder if the steps for dealing with grief (and I don't know what they are) would help you.

i've done a little research into the process and steps of dealing with grief but thus far have not found anything really useful that would apply in this particular situation. i will continue to research, though.

As W/we have touched on in personal conversations, i'm trying to get a better grasp on the root feelings (is it disconnect, is it loss, or something else?) in an effort to try and understand how to better deal with it.