A Domme's Responsibility to Her Clients

Do you believe a Domme has responsibilities to her clients?

I found myself in a spirited debate with another Domme this weekend, regarding client limits and rights. She believes subs have no rights once they enter her Dungeon. She decides when to test limits, and when to break them. Her argument is, "If I don't do anything but what a sub wants, I'm nothing but a service top."

I believe there must be agreed upon limits. A responsible Domme respects a sub's hard limits. She does not violet his right to safety security and privacy.

I find the term, "Service Top" reductive and downright insulting.

Of course I am going to negotiate the scene with my sub. I am kinky, not a psychopath. I expect a sub to respect me as a person and so I give them respect. Once the (negotiated) scene starts, I am totally in control, sure, but my play partner is my partner.

Her rhetoric makes for good ad copy and twitter fodder, but we are all responsible to each other.

It's weird for me.
In theory I would prefer a domme who has the attitude of the domme you spoke with, that there are no hard limits and what she wants, she gets. Mainly because that seems like a domme who really gets into her role, and like she said, isn't just a "service top" (First time i've heard this term). I also love the unexpected in a session.
In practice that's a fucking nightmare! I don't list anything on my hard limits that I even remotely think i'm ready for! If it's a limit I don't mind being pushed, i'll list it as a soft limit.

A domme who believes her sub has "no" rights is too extreme. I think a domme who does what she wants though can make for a far more exciting session, so long as hard limits are respected.

The better and happier medium position, one taken by some dommes, is to specify some expectations for subs on their website or webpage . . .

If you come and see me, I expect you will, sooner or later, submit in these ways . . . One can easily find such statements on the websites of dommes who are highly regarded and favorably reviewed on maxfisch and other reviewing sites. There is no problem with various dommes have sentences on their pages, "You will submit in this way at some point; it may be the first time or the fifth or the tenth; I will make you;" and some subs expect and want that domination!

The approach you are describing by the other domme, without much warning of it, is going to lead to some bad problems and I and others would regard the domme as foolishly dangerous . . .

Some people -- Dommes and subs alike -- have a hard time understanding the line between when Dominance ends and service topping begins.

When a sub tells you what they like and you also like that and you do a scene with them in which you make decisions about what that looks like, that is Dominance, not service topping.

If the sub scripts you, as in tells you exactly how they want you to dress, talk, feel, treat them, execute things where/when/how/why, and you do that, you become a service top.

If the Domme want to conduct scenes in which the sub has no say, she's really wanting to run M/s scenes, which is perfectly fine. If the person assuming the slave role agrees to it, then we have two consenting parties. Hopefully, though, she is still acting in an ethical capacity in that dynamic and not using it as a mask for abuse.

This is an interesting topic. Some men like this attitude. They make their own decision on whether or not, to see a dominatrix who feels this way. Of course, they also make the decision on whether or, not to go back. It is usually just living out a fantasy for a planned amount of time.

I always looked at sessions/playtime as a joint journey. The energy in the room drove the session. The fun came when both parties were riding the same wave. Limits become instinctive between genuine partners, be it professional or, personal.

True. There is something exciting about the thought of being "forced", or as I've seen mentioned on here, consensual non-consent.

That being said, if something is on my hard limits list, it's there for a reason. I think once a relationship is built, pushing limits or exploring soft limits is fine. You want to make a sub uncomfortable, sure. But, and I'll use something banal so I dont offend anyone's fetishes, if worshipping boots/feet was on my hard limits list and I was made to do, I wouldn't go back to see that Domme. If it's on my hard limits list it is likely because it is a huge turn off for me.

It seems to me a session is better when both parties are enjoying it. The moans, groans, evil laughter, sadistic smiles, etc. heighten the whole experience. If I were a top, seeing a sub gag (out of revulsion) or looking completely disgusted would not be a turn on and not make me want to continue that activity.

Yes! Exactly.

Very nice comment. I have this kind of dynamic with my Mistress now. Our interactions are a wonderful symbiosis of dominance and submission that sends us both into a specific realm of sensation. We are on a journey together.

Your friend is confused. There are some inalienable rights, like safety, discretion and keeping the session consensual unless pre agreed not to.

So the sub has some rights. Nowhere on this list is the right to dictate the content of the session.

If there are conflicts starting from there it is just a case of incompatibility and no need to continue the partnership.

Cheers to Domina M. Her answer is so right I should reply to her in French