Planning vs impromptu

I have a number of rules that are meant not only to protect me (and my sanity) but also to protect the sub from themselves. One of those rules is "no same day sessions".

It's amazing to me how many prospective clients are ready to spend $300+ with a Domme without giving her to time to mull the session over, plan and prepare. I would guess these folks expect to have just as stellar a session as the person who set his/her session days or weeks in advance . . . but guess what? They probably won't. I also wonder if these are the same guys that complain when they have a less than thrilling session.

The truth is that most established Mistresses don't accept last minute sessions. That leaves the guy above with the Dommes that will say "yes" and that will probably winnow his choices down to less than the cream of the crop.

Just today I got a text from a guy that said he was in town for the day and wanted to book a session that included X, Y and Z. "Are you available today?" First of all I would guess that he had done zero research before contacting me, so he couldn't possibly know if we were compatible. How do I know this? First, everywhere my phone number is listed it says "no texts" - and how did he choose to contact me? By text. Second, my website states that I don't do same day sessions. (By the way, this is not a one off. I get several emails/texts/calls each week like this.)

If your top criteria is "who is available now", don't be surprised with what you get. There are some activities that you can scrimp on the research and planning. In my opinion, who to see for a FemDom/BDSM is not one of them.

Any thoughts?

Mistress Ayn,

I agree with you completely in terms of first or second visits. But as part of an established relationship, I think an impromptu session can be just as amazing aa one that is planned for a week.

I have supreme confidence that if I was driving thru Atlanta in the next two hours and you had the time/inclination to see me, you could easily deliver an amazing experience to me on that limited notice. I suspect that is also the case in your own personal non-Pro D/s relationship... That you play with kess than a day's planning most of the time.

That play is about what you want to do rather than playing to the sub's script.. but once you intimately know it and trust your instincts in regards to that person, IMO impromptu works well with euther personal or client.

Asp

Ps... I will be in Atlanta in 3 hours if you wanna test my theory

Never did an impromptu session with an independent. In earlier phases of my life I did some spur of the moment dungeon visits. Two of those were the only time I ever sessioned less than completely sober. Both times I was drinking at a bar that was a fairly short distance from the dungeon. The first time I had 2 drinks and went ahead with the session which was run of the mill. The second time I had more than 2 drinks and went to the dungeon but during the selection process it dawned on me that I was too inebriated and selected no one then departed.

It took me days upon days of reading web sites, online reviews and anything else I could find before I ever decided to pull the trigger and book my first session with a Domme. Even as a newbie at the time, the *one* thing even I knew and picked up on in my research was the need to be respectful in my approach.

IMHO, hitting up a Domme that I've never communicated with before and who has no idea who I am with a text that says "Are you available today?" along with a list of "activities" is (A) disrespectful and (B) a sure fire way to get rejected by, as you stated, any well established Mistress.

I get that everyone's different, but to me, part of the experience of a great session is the anticipation leading up to it. It's not like I'm out running errands and make a last minute decision on what fast food joint to stop at for lunch. No, a session with a Domme is something that needs to be anticipated... or at least it is for me, that is.

As i was reading Your post i thought "sent a text...that was stupid" he clearly didn't take the time to read Your website because i remember it clearly being stated "no texts".




Could not agree more with what DemonVoxx said. First it took me days...and secondly I picked up quickly on, be respectful and do your research before contacting a Domme. Also, the anticipation leading up to a session is delicious.

I think even if you have sessioned with a particular Domme before and she knows your interests, you are cheating yourself by requesting a same day session. You're not allowing her time to plan your torment. I would imagine a Domme gets into a certain headspace and needs more than a couple hours to get into that space/plan. Just sounds like a bad idea to me.

I agree. Serious pros are serious in their approach. Rushing people in like a drive-through window is going to produce a fast food result, not a Michelin experience.

I think I've done like one same-say for an existing client who gave me enough time to prepare.

Otherwise, I don't do them.

You can't rush art, dahling!

I moved to a very central part of Manhattan and started making myself available last-minute -- with a rush fee. I have not raked in a huge amount from the last-minute guys, but I have successfully gotten them to stop contacting me.

I had a very strict notice requirement for many years and was constantly contacted by guys hoping they'd get lucky and get me to make an exception. I thought they just didn't know how to read. The second I became available for extra money they all learned how. Ideal, honestly. I'd much rather have my regular tribute and time to properly prepare.

For the most part I agree with you. I definitely see that you stand a much better chance for a good session if the Domme has a chance to plan and prepare herself for it rather then just doing a session on short notice and making it up as she goes along.
On the other hand I think if Domme and sub have an established relationship and the chemistry is good short notice shouldn’t make much difference in the quality of the session. Like with most things I think every situation is different and has its own characteristics.

Years ago I sessioned much more frequently and did quite a few same day sessions although not on one or two hours notice. Now days it seems less of a thing , at least for me. Scheduling for me is very difficult and there are times I get a same day or short notice opportunity to session but my head is not into it. It’s now nerve racking to me to get ready for a session on short notice. I have to think things through and make sure I have the tribute and won’t get caught being somewhere where I shouldn’t be. I like to anticipate the session and at present do not have a solid enough relationship with a Domme where I think a short notice session would work well.

"Impromptu" or same-day sessions were the only thing when I started back in the 1970s, even later, after I took a break for several years and returned in the 1980s, especially when you consider the many dungeons that Manhattan used to have, with several dominas to choose from.

I can see both sides of the discussion, but in my experience impromptu sessions can be edgy and a lot of fun if it is with a Mistress you know pretty well. To do one with a Domina you've never met, or met just once, would be more difficult.

That's hilarious . . . so they CAN read!

True. That is the exception to the rule and I do state the I don't do same day sessions with new clients - leaving it open for those that are known to me. In that case the key word is time/inclination. I have become more regimented over the years and tend to have my day planned out the night before. So now there is the added layer of "I've got other things going on or I'm just not in the mood".

But I do get how subs might want a same day session. It can feel edgy as one person said. I just think it's risky for all parties when you don't have an established relationship.

Years ago I would take same day sessions if I could fit them in my existing session schedule. I mean, hey - I'm here, dressed, in the zone . . . I found those people in large to be flaky - showing up late, not showing up at all, giving me the creeps, not communicating interests well, having expectations beyond my limits, etc. It didn't take me long to discontinue that policy.

I have also suspected that people (unknown to the Domme) wanting same day sessions are trying to circumvent the screening process.

I kind of get why someone would do same-day sessions.
Like for me i'm interested in sessioning on and off. I can book a session one day, and then 3 days later i'm just not into the fantasy anymore and as a result the session ends up being lackluster to no fault of the domme.

I don't try same-day sessions even with that in mind though.

That was a surprise, to be honest! And it's left me with a much worse opinion of the guys who used to contact me for last-minute sessions in my pre-rush fee era. While not ideal, failing to register one line in an ad is somewhat forgivable -- bothering me for something I explicitly don't offer is less so.

Not getting constant boner emergency emails is great though, 10/10, highly recommend.

I'm the kind of guy who plans two moves ahead, usually I book at least a week in advance, so planning does not bother me and the journey is the reward. However it depends on the nature of the relation. There are times when just meeting and talking could be just as good as the planned activities.

For instance I met once a mistress who was out of this world good, and left me intrigued by my reaction. It happened that she was very articulate and intelligent too, and I read a lot of and about her before the next session.

I had so many questions for her that 100 minutes out of a two hour session passed before we got to it.

I had a Domme reply to me that she ONLY booked same day appointments. Does that seem like a red flag to you? It did to me

po

Maybe, but she could also have a really sporadic schedule for whatever reason and feels that she can't book in advance because it cannot be known. Proceed with caution, especially if there are other things that seem off.

That is why it is good to invest in a scheduled session and once a domme knows you she would most likely be more lenient.

I am much more likely to take a same day from a known sub. As long as I have time. . .That is kind of the thing, though.

I will consider a same day if someone contacts me before noon and wants something in the evening. It really depends upon my mood though and my availability. In order for me to function in an actual social life, I like to make plans with my friends(I am funny that way.), and set my day around noon with confirmations.

"Now" is never an option. I don't care if you happen to be in my neighborhood.

I knew someone who had that policy and she was a legitimate and very talented Mistress. This was many years ago, early-ish in both our careers, when we got most of our business off Backpage and deposits weren't nearly as much of a thing. She lived close to the dungeon so same-day sessions weren't much of a hassle and she said advance bookers tended to be flakes. At the time she had a point -- I'd noticed the same thing, and most requests I got back then were same-day anyway so turning down advance bookings wouldn't have made much of a dent.

My friend has since changed her policy, and the business has changed a lot. That policy makes much less sense now than it did then, but as Domina M said she might just have an unpredictable schedule. If she doesn't require deposits and gets a lot of wankers that could also have something to do with it.