Article: "I Told My Mentor I Was a Dominatrix: She rescinded her letters of recommendation

I Told My Mentor I Was a Dominatrix
She rescinded her letters of recommendation

https://www.chronicle.com/interactives/2...CamN2Ty50yUFyN4

I'd love to read this story but it is only for Chronicle subscribers.

I am not a subscriber and I had no problem reading the story.

Are you on a computer or a phone?

What browser are you using?

I couldn't access it either. Here's a summary that gives you the summary of the situation.

https://www.3quarksdaily.com/3quarksdaily/2019/12/i-told-my-mentor-i-was-a-dominatrix.html

p.s. It wasn't her real mother.

Try this very long URL:

https://www.chronicle.com/interactives/2...CamN2Ty50yUFyN4

Have to remember that some people don't distinguish between dominatrix and prostitute, and then have Victorian attitudes towards the latter.

I do nearly everything on my computer. This has happened with me on a few other websites that other people say they have no problem getting to. I will try it with my ipad and, see if it works.

It wasn't what you used to access the video. Soapy fixed the URL in his original post.

"Some people" include prodommes, who make it a point to call both themselves and prostitutes "sex workers", as to promote the idea that there isn't anything wrong with either.

Let's face it, if prodoms do not call themselves sex workers, someone else will. There is not denying it is adult industry work. But, here is the thing, mainstream American doesn't care if it is straight up prostitution or, not. A pro dom's work commonly includes naked men, bondage, strap on, gs, inflicting pain, cross dressing, ect. In the eyes of a judgemental or, narrow minded person, that is worse that traditional sex in exchange for money. This attitude is even clear with visa and, web site standards. It is easier to display 18 year old girls having sex with multiple partners than it is a middle aged, fully dressed woman whipping a man.

Years ago I visited a country school museum in SC. It had been in operation into the early 20th century. I remember one of the things one could be "disciplined" for was being left-handed. The fact that we so recently considered a common genetic trait to be a flaw to be corrected sets sobering expectations for the acceptance of non-binary sexuality.

The history of wishing people weren't what they are and punishing them for it is long and dark and shows no signs of relenting. As a corollary, abortion is closer to illegal now than it has been for decades; not to mention nearly unavailable in vast areas. There are, for example, 2 Planned Parenthood clinics in the entire state of Louisiana; 1 in Mississippi.

We are not at the Handmaid's Tale tipping point. But we aren't headed in the other direction either.

Langger posted a link to the article that I was able to open. My heart goes out to this lady. It was not up for her mentor to judge her personal life. This was someone she admired and, thought of as her friend. Very sad for her. I hope her future works out well even without the recommendations of this mentor.

Which is ideal, in a perfect world. However with the threat of haphazardly interpreted public morality laws in our current legal sexual dystopia, there is an element of self preservation involved.

Many people who know little to nothing about the issue, and even some who should know better are viscerally opposed to sex work, and sex workers, and that's why the laws are still there.

po

Sorry I digress a bit
It's good that you're contemplating how things used to be.
Time wise, in the current defacto "Pax Americana" we are in a small island of Utopia. Certainly, it is not perfect, but it is closer to what most people consider perfect than any other time in history, which was an unrelenting horror show. People need to study history and pay attention to details. Eugenics, slavery, race riots, lynchings, normalized torture, arbitrary arrests and no presumption of innocence, genocides, mass murders, brutal punishments for non-conformity and differing inherent sexuality the list goes on forever.

po

You bring up two different topics. I'm not quite sure how you tie abortion and, Planned Parenthood into your post. But, that issue should be discussed in the political section.

+1

Ooh... This thread just went from a very serious discussion of morality and sexual morays to just f'n hot...

Thanks Cheyenne... Please continue...

LOL. ;-)

This is a subject that really rows my boat!

My mentor always said " Before you call me a sex worker, watch me change a 67 year old babies filthy nappies!"

My mentor always said " Before you call me a sex worker, watch me change a 67 year old babies filthy nappies!"

LOL. I can identify. But, most mainstream folks see prodoms as sex workers.

https://www.chronicle.com/interactives/2...iellMSFF2VXJ0UQ Mistress Snow Letters of Recommendation

I feel like a lot of people, even very smart ones misunderstand prejudice.

They see it as a particular group getting targeted, rather than as the mental (faulty) process that targets groups of people.

I've heard these gems all of my life

"I can't be prejudiced. I'm black!"

"I can't be sexist. I'm a woman!"


Sadly, academics are not immune from this cognitive cog skipping.

The set of people who truly understand prejudice is small. Even smaller is the set of people who have that understanding and who have the courage to change their behavior on that understanding before societal support catches up with them.


People who will take a look outside of prescribed boundaries are rare. People who can see between the lines are rarer still. People who have the courage to live by what they see are even rarer.

How sad for her advisor being an academic and failing to be in any of those sets.

Her thinking only walks on paved, well lit paths.

Until very recently, it was socially and academically acceptable to condemn us as hopeless perverts.

Many psychologists are now coming around to the undeniable FACT that BDSM in and of itself is not a pathology. This is due to the DSM-V, which came out a couple of years ago. Outside of psychology, I don't think that these changes are generally known by people in other fields. Even the medical field (my field), as I have learned. That, and many people in academia are fucking snobs-- it is an ugly, competitive world in which they live.

It's ironic that her mentor comes from a world in which free thinking and inquiry are supposedly exalted, but the fact is that many of them are clamoring toward mediocrity. It's all just so hypocritical.

You're welcome for the uplifting post


xoxo.


V

Ha ha ha.

I agree with you about academia. I consider it a blessing I didn't end up there.


Nobody cares what I think and it is a tremendous freedom.

This has been true for other "disorders". Over time, society comes to realize that what was once thought a disorder, is uptight christian values guiding what is considered illness. I'm not blanket criticizing christians, but there are some that do like to cast stones.

Homosexuality was categorized as a disorder up until the release of the DSM-III I believe. Gender Identity Disorder was in the DSM-IV, but has been removed from the DSM-V. There was a time (and for some backward thinking it's still acceptable) when it was socially acceptable to condemn homosexuality. Although there is movement, there is still a large group fighting vehemently against accepting transgender.

This is where I believe mainstream media and Hollywood play a vital role. Think back to when Ellen came out. I know there were famous gay people before this, but, she was very popular and well liked. She went so far as to make her TV character gay. There was backlash, but it opened a door for others to eventually feel like they could come out.

Now we are in the midst of the battle of acceptance over transgender. Chaz Bono came out followed by Caitlyn Jenner. I would like to think eventually this won't be so taboo and the transgender community will no longer be labeled perverts.

Which brings me to BDSM and Fifty Shades of Grey. I know many in the BDSM community roll their eyes at the mention of fifty shades of anything, BUT, you have to admit it has on a very small scale made acceptance of kink a little more acceptable. I know many women who admit (while blushing) they read the books or saw the movies. I think we need more movies and books.




Unfortunate truth. What that mentor did was disgraceful for someone who is educated and should embrace differing thoughts and opinions.

HA!

I believe that the DSM-V made a few breakthroughs: 1) In asserting that transgenderism is not a pathology, and 2) "Paraphilias" are now understood as not being inherently fucked up, but cause for concern only in certain cases where it gets in the way of living one's daily existence. Or if it is nonconsensual.

I have said for many years that kinky people need to have their own parade in order to assert our own pride. The gay pride parade includes us, but the visibility is very low. Fifty Shades of Grey could have been a huge moment for us but the stars of the movie pathologized us, so that was a wash.

I agree that celebrities talking about their sexuality helps a movement immensely.


xoxo.


V