Psychological play, online vs. in RT sessions

I've done my share of sessioning over the years, and for reasons I am maybe but maybe not figuring out, the last few years have been most heavily on the phone and online, and have involved some financial domination and mental manipulation. This was never really an interest earlier in life. Apparently, from what the small number of phone mistresses I've spoken to, who are kind of at the top of their game, have said is that this trajectory is not uncommon as people get older -- that BDSM becomes more mental and psychological. I think addictive behavior around the internet has something to do with it too.

One thing two different women have said to me is that they provide a more intense experience than a pro-domme. I thought that that was boastful and wrong, but one went on to explain that playing with things like compulsion and addiction are things pro dommes can't really do because of safety reasons. No one wants to create a stalker, or to trigger in a bad way someone who's in the room with you. One also said something about the way in which one books a pro domme, which is a more business-like transaction occurring a specific time and place, versus the way in which manipulative online dommes will create a desire that a sub will want to give in to all the time.

There are certainly things hot and intense about this kind of play. And I do know that there are pro dommes who work with things like chastity, for example, which leaves a mental mark between sessions. But wondering if any dommes out there agree or disagree that the more manipulative, reprogramming psychological BDSM is more of an online thing.

Interesting perspective.

This is interesting. I will just make a few comments. I’m old and I figure I started doing sessions over 35 years ago. Until recently I’ve never had any desire for any type of distance or online play at all. It’s still not something I would consider with someone I’ve never seen for an in person session but in the last few years the desire has grown in me for a more intense mental or psychological connection between sessions. I’m sure part of the reason is due to circumstances I am unable to session as often as I did plus not being occupied with work the way I was I have more time to think and fantasize about bdsm.

I am definitely desiring to have the Domme stay with me in my head between sessions. A mental mark is a good way of putting it. I never ever would have thought I would have any desire for any kind distance training between sessions but I am open to it now if the Domme and circumstances were right.

This is an interesting subject to me and you have raised the topic in a very articulate way, so thanks for that. In general I am not a great fan of distance training but for different reasons stated.



I had never really thought of this before. I am mainly an in person session Domme but over the past couple of years I have started to incorporate distance training in the form of chastity (with email, phone, Skype) with subs I do live session with. There is nothing like chastity to leave an indelible imprint. It is omnipresent and makes the sub think of the keyholder incessantly and want to communicate daily (whether permitted or not). I can see where it would be easy for someone to become obsessed in a not so good way.

It does sound like the online Dommes you are dealing with are at the top of their game. I have often wondered if a Domme could be at the top of both genres and have come to the conclusion over the years that it would be a rare feat. I worked closely with an online Domme for years that has since retired. She was amazing at what she did. I would send her my clients that wanted distance training and when possible she would send them back to me for in person sessions. We had great fun with this and even went so far as to Skype a session once with her chiming in on the activities. I wish I could find a professional like her again.

I think those Mistresses make pretty good points.

Something I've noticed about online vs RT play is that us RT players do have to acknowledge the line between fantasy and reality in the way an online or phone domme does not. With phone play you don't schedule an appointment or deal with providing references/deposits, most clients don't ever really talk to the domme "out of character" the way you might chit chat with a pro-domme after a session, and the fantasies you act out are not limited by practicality. You can call a Mistress about a scenario in which -- for example -- she makes you suck a dozen dicks without ever thinking about how difficult it would be to get twelve guys and your Mistress to line up their schedules, the possibility that some might have trouble getting hard or ejaculating or how much it would cost to make that happen.

I think that freedom to fantasize can be very seductive for a certain type of sub.

Thank you for replying. I know you're on Niteflirt as well as do RT sessions, so I was actually hoping you'd weigh in.

Yes, you make great points. A lot of the online dommes do advertise scenarios -- homewrecking, ruination, sending subs to glory holes -- that for those callers probably do just play out in fantasy terms. Not all, though. One online domme who does home wrecking fantasy told me she's pulled back from it after some guys actually went through with her "instructions."

I think there are many different types of online dommes, though. The main woman I have spoken with is someone who I do talk with quite a bit out of character. Probably 50/50 actually.

I think you're right because every domme probably works on developing her own particular skill set. The main person I talk to has a photo that may or may not be herself, but it's old -- she's been using it for years. So, no clips, photo shoots, etc. She doesn't have a dungeon or equipment (or at least not for pro sessions.) She doesn't have to study how to do sounds, or stuff like that. So she can spend time on calls and develop a lot of psychological technique, and all that time talking leads to a skill set that is more specifically tuned to distance play than an RT session domme would have time to develop.

The two dommes I've seen very sporadically over the last four or so years both have Niteflirt accounts, and I think if I told them I wanted to have some form of continual between session play, I'm sure we could work something out.

I've sessioned for a long time as well. At this point simply having "a session" doesn't float my boat. I want a story, a narrative. An experience. A list of activities without the connective thread of a larger narrative feels mechanical. A roleplay that lasts 2 weeks and includes both sessions, phone and email is what I seek. Not easy to find in the world of commoditized bdsm. But more because subs aren't seeking it than because dommes can't provide it.

Thanks for commenting. I'd be curious to hear more about your experiences in the realm of two-week experiences if you'd be willing to share.

Hello future pet and welcome to The Buzz.



Or subs aren't willing to pay for it. I love doing scenes like this but they take considerable time for the Domme and can be expensive for the sub. I am fortunate to have some subs with deeper pockets than most and have been able to do some pretty creative things with the time and money. Once a sub was in town for a week for a conference and we had a running scene for the week. I would interrupt him at his conference via text or call with specific instructions, knock on his hotel room at night or summon him to me at will. It was a blast.

I would love to hear about some of your adventures.

As usual Mistress Ayn, You beat me to the punch on a point.

I would absolutely love to find some Domme to randomly control me through text, email and social media... Ordering me into chastity or to perform actions for Her like edging while watching videos of Her dominating men and women... Having me insert a butt plug that She can control from Her phone (or set an alarm to wake me up at 3am with a 20 minutes pattern of vibrations)... All leading up to a visit with Her... and for Her to do all this extra effort for Her own pleasure instead of having to pay extra for it. That is the stuff that fantasies are made of...

In reality, the only way it works is if the Domme is compensated for all that extra effort and it is up to the sub to make it worth it for Her if they desire that full "experience" rather than just a session. I think future pet is correct that not every Domme can actually deliver on it or even want to try... But, if a sub is willing to compensate a Domme then it isn't too difficult to find.

Hello Mistress.

Subs know they have to pay for sessions, phone calls, texts, emails as individual commodities. If they don't get that they'd have to pay for them as part of a generalized experience there's no help for it....

I deal with the financial aspects of sessions as early as possible. I'm more comfortable with dommes who use deposits so we can get the noise out of the way and get to the fun stuff.

With this kind of scene, an immersion, the set-up is everything. No point having the Mistress wonder if you're serious about something that will be time-consuming for her. So pony up early.

So here's my process...

I'll usually have a Mistress in mind. Someone I have been thinking about. She's mature, established. We line up on key points. (I'm very interested in exploring consensual nonconsent, forced femme, and bondage is my debilitating drug of choice). She's articulate, sane, and has that streak of fiendish glee about Her.

If She's in the NYC area, that's ideal. If She travels here, it needs to be more than once a year so we can pick up the thread later if we choose to. A well set-up c/nc session can be revisited multiple times like any well-constructed story.

Next, I'll come up with a scenario that will provide a narrative thread running through the entire engagement. And an idea of what sets in motion. Possible session dates (I like one at the beginning and one at the end with a mind-fuck in the middle; typically my chastity keys are taken after the 1st session and not given back until the 2nd). I'll also share some thoughts on other communications (voice, text, email).

So here's the first hurdle. I will reach out to the Mistress I am leaning toward and ask her to read and consider the above. For which I'll propose a fee - which is solely for consideration. There is no obligation beyond that. Nor is the consideration fee part of a deposit. That is handled separately later.

Dominatrix think-time is a service, even if a session never happens. So I treat it like one. I am asking Her to marshal Her experience, wisdom, imagination and intelligence to think over the bat-shit crazy idea I am proposing. I make it clear that "no" is a perfectly good answer and that I would prefer that if She felt in any way uncomfortable.

If... we move forward, there's the matter of the session deposit and the "immersion" fee. She will define the immersion. Whatever combination of assignments, intraday demands, calls.... I don't want to know too much about it once ground rules are set. IE, don't call my office and say "Can you put that whore future pet on the phone." She sets the fee for the immersion She intends. That plus session deposit are covered simultaneously through whatever electronic vehicle She uses. After that, it's game on.

I am fortunate in a number of ways. I can spend the entire event in chastity without a key if She chooses. (Which is likely.) I work independently a great deal of the time. So I can field this sort of text message. "Go to the men's room - if they still let you in there for some reason - and take a picture. I want to make sure you are wearing the pink panties and stockings I told you to put on. You know what will happen if you aren't...." And so on...

Does it cost more than a session? Yes. But it doesn't cost more than the sum of its parts. And there are peaks that a session alone can't hit. At least not for me. Moments of being truly vulnerable to someone you can't really control. (And if She is all you thought She was, someone who knows how special this is for you to experience and wants to give you the full impact.) A dungeon without walls. A session you can't simply go home from and compartmentalize.

To look at cost another way, a couple of sessions are cool. A few emails are cool. A wicked phonecall or two is cool. You're comfortable paying for all those. Why not once, even if only once, connect them all to a single story line and live it out?

I like the way you think, future pet, and you are correct that when we get money out of the way it allows things to flow more organically.

It sounds like you have connected with some fantastic Mistresses over the years. Those types of extended scenes can be awesome. I saw that you read the interview about FemDom Mansion and you are correct that it is ideal for c/nc scenes. Before I started FemDom Mansion I was (and still am) doing something called MindFuck Productions. I've included a link for you below. They are more like what you have done so far. Some start well ahead of actually meeting. Some last for only a few hours and some have lasted for up to a week. In their own way they are more difficult to pull off because of all the outside factors that can come into play. At FDM the environment is controlled and things tend to go smoother. You know how Murphy's Law goes . . .

https://www.mistressayn.com/mindfuck-productions.html

To all, if you remember any of my posts on a variety of subjects here, I've been in and out of the scene since college (early 1970s). I'm not bragging, just saying I've been very, very lucky.

My experiences with two longtime Mistresses of mine were/are unique. We met for a session or two, a chemistry clicked in, and this sub received privileges far beyond what I ever expected. In both cases did or continues to involve phone, text and email access.

With the first she was based in Vegas, me in NYC, so our in person meetings were once or twice a year for several years. She is retired now but our relationship (domina/sub) evolved to the point she would contact me about her outside business marketing. She trusted me to make direct deposits to her business account for a deposit for an in-person session, the remote access or if she needed some cash for a special occasion. (That happened twice.) There was never a "You can get two 15 minute phone sessions for $XXX," situation. Money was minimal in my view and out of the way quickly. Either she would tell me to make a deposit or I'd volunteer. (Sometimes I'd call her back about a marketing issue, her voice would get to me and at the end of the call I'd ask for "permission" or she would say, "You've been helpful pet. You have permission. Text when you are done.")

With my current Mistress, who I've known off and on for a couple of decades, the situation is basically the same except she is local (more in-person sessions) but currently very busy working on her vanilla business, hence the evolution of mostly text and email access and fewer real time appointments. The access is even greater than the Vegas domina via text and email. I make direct deposits to her bank account, consult on her vanilla business (unpaid as a friendly acquaintance), the cash is relatively minimal and does not get in the way of the distance role play.

To emphasize, I never dated or had a personal relationship with either domina. With both I'm considered a top "pet" which is wonderful for me. It only ADDS to the intensity of the real time sessions.

I absolutely love that description of your status junglebeast. I am incredibly lucky to actually hold status like that with several different Dommes at the moment and others in the past.

My only quibble, and it is really just language nit-picking, is that I think you mean you have never had a romantic or collared relationship with either of your Dommes. I say this because I know that the "top pet" status you describe does bring a very personal relationship between a sub and a Domme with it.

Daaaaaaaaang .... I was in Atlanta earlier this year for a whole week for a work exercise.... I missed out on an opportunity!!!

This is a fascinating topic. Mistress Ayn and I had a phone conversation in which I explained to her my craving for a phone or online session that could sort of mock me to tears. Mistress Ayn is so candid, so down to earth, that she explained to me that really isn’t her thing. But she told me of the retired domme who provided that in the last. She and I will continue to talk as I continue my search. She is just that much of a delight with whom to speak.

Meanwhile, I’d love to find a willing domme if there is someone out there who provides those services.

I love ANY type of play when you have the right partner.

I've done IM, email, phone, and real-time with people who seem to really hold themselves back or who don't understand this is an *interaction* and so it's boring. But with people who are as invested as I am and surrender into the experience? It's incredibly hot.



I think it's because as you get older your hormone levels decrease, so your priorities shift.

A few of my older clients have made mention that they can't "get it up" like they used to, but still love to play. It's because it's still hot *in their mind*.

I replied to another one of your posts before seeing this one to a thread that I started. Thanks for responding. Yes, I took note of your interest in more psychological-focused sessions.

And, regarding hormone levels, yes, I have certainly suspected that about myself. I can go long periods of time without really feeling much arousal, but then when the right switch goes off in my brain things suddenly change.