BDSM as therapy... BS or real?

Several Dominants with psychology degrees or backgrounds have started to frame sessions in a therapeutic context. Below is an article from The UK about this practice:
BDSM as therapy

As a Dominant, I have actually encountered emotional releases from a sub during corporal (I have to admit it was incredibly disconcerting to have her crying and shaking like that while I was spanking her... As well as difficult to ignore and continue even though I instinctually knew a good thing was happening). Because of that, I know that BDSM play can tap into things that words and discussion can't... Even when that isn't what a Dominant is going for.

However, as a sub, I have always felt BDSM was sexual rather than therapeutic and when I start hearing a Domme talk about healing crystals and Shakras in conjunction with this "therapy", I admit to internal "eye-rolling” at the discussion. So, my question to the board is whether this idea of including elements of BDSM into therapy is a valuable use or just Dominants trying to feel more legitimate than they do if it is classified as just "sex work"?

Great question. I find most of the "therapy" angle to be more "New Age" rubbish. That said, I train subs to serve me, and be better men. I use a variety of methods to accomplish my ends. Among other methods, I use ego reduction through sph, general worthlessness, body shaming, and forced consumption.

Perhaps I'm a therapist, if so, I need to raise my rates

IMHO: A professional dominatrix is versatile enough to carry a number of titles. Therapist, entertainer, player of roles, coach.

I personally prefer the description of guide. Like a guide who shows you the best fishing and camping spots at the resort.

I consider my sessions therapy, of a sort.

I do not call them sex workers, because sex is how mammals reproduce, but that's just me being unnecessarily precise again.

I'm... not sure if it is real. But the whole experience of BDSM is cathartic.

I have gotten friendly with Mistresses over the years and, as I posted on another thread, the waves of emotion they receive from subs made two or three of them take a step back and take a break from the scene for awhile. That's understandable. I've backed away several times do to the emotional overload, and I guess to process my experiences.

In my case, someone who sessioned for decades, I learned so much about myself and my sexuality. I got into this as a horny, straight college kid decades ago. Even though that horny college kid is still lurking inside of this almost elderly guy now, I learned so much about my own sexuality in a healthy way. I learned to understand and empathize with those whose sexuality or sexual tastes are not mine. (Of course I cannot understand those whose mental illness drives them to sexual crimes against the unprotected.)

Dominas deal with a lot. Less than a handful of times I cried in session, not due to physical pain but revealing emotional stress. The most memorable was with a Mistress, a big name that was on tour, if she would peg me. I was a virgin. She seemed a bit reluctant in our communication prior to the session, but said yes. That day I was a bit depressed, but kept the appointment. I'm a big guy, 6' 1" around 230 lbs. at the time, but she towered over me and is also an athlete.

As the session started I apologized and said I couldn't do it. Tears came to my eyes and I explained I was depressed. She practically carried me to the bed in her hotel suite, put her arm around me, and urged me to talk about it, all the while listening, comforting me and almost rocking me like I was a kid. Towards the end of the session she playfully ordered me to worship her gorgeous feet and long, long legs. She dried my tears, and as I left she gave me a big hug and kiss on the cheek. Therapists don't do that - or they shouldn't - but the result was that I left feeling relieved, wonderful... and lucky I could confide in such a person.

In recent years quite a few Dommes have gotten into lifecoaching. A decade ago "behavior modification" which is very similar was in vogue. That is not why I session but I can see why those might be beneficial for some clients.

In an old thread I noted that transference is a common phenomenon in BDSM sessions. It is why a Domme you first thought was only average looking can become more and more attractive. This also happens frequently in psychoanalysis and is sometimes used by an unethical analyst to seduce an attractive patient. So there is some overlap. I have found it a good practice to be aware that transference is happening and recognize it for what it is. That makes it easier to maintain boundaries. However I have a certain skepticism about psychoanalysis in general (contrary the Cult of Freud its success rate is pretty bad) so I have my doubts that it works better tied to a cross than lying on a couch.

As for crying I did got through 2 phases where I very much wanted to be made to cry. This is a common fantasy with masos. Contrary to a lot of erotica it turns out that it is very hard to pull off with only physical pain. In another old thread I related how I learned this the hard way about 15 years ago. After that I told myself that it wasn't go to happen and moved on.

This was meant for junglebootbeast...



But the whole experience of BDSM is cathartic.

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I'm glad you brought that up. I too was just exploring some horny fantasies when I started. Almost by accident, I was taken beyond that over time.

Now I actually discuss this catharsis before play to see if she is alright with it. My experience is that one must explain this thoroughly before she is comfortable with it.

And to convince myself that I want to go through with it. I can have mixed feelings.

Transference.

If I grow in respect and admiration towards a woman she becomes more desirable. This is true for me.

I surely depends dramatically on both the domme and on the sub. Even in a book of what seems to be commercial almost sex work such as written by one domme several years ago, there was at least one situation she describes in which the guy seeing her and another domme in the dungeon described or mentioned a situation that was frightening to him and they created some part or aspects of that, and he was better off psychologically afterwards.

Moreover, there are a variety of psychological studies which have been done by the generally recognized psychologists or recognized professionals or professors of psychology and/or psychiatry, and in what seems to be every case in which the mental health of those who practice anything from mere spanking to more severe activities is compared with the general population, those who practice or receive bdsm seems to be *superior* in at least some aspects.

Of course, part of the problem, if there is a problem, could lie in what is considered superior to the general population. The psychologists may claim that those who practice or receive bdsm are psychologically healthier than the general population but some Christians might immediately object that whatever measure is indicating better mental is actually not an appropriate measure of better mental.

However, consider this. Before the coming of the white man to the Americas, there were Indian tribes which practiced a variety of coming of age rituals, including sweat lodge experiences and also such things as being bound and being bitten by red or bullet ants.

Today you and I can go to youtube and see videos of some of the ceremonies of Indian tribes in which either tribesmen or white invities have their hands placed in gloves with dozens of angry bullet ants about to bite.

The ants bite and each bite is considered to be about as painful as gunshot. And there are multiple or dozens of bites to the hand or wrist. The hand or forearm then swells and there is great pain for up to the next 24 hours.

Now, I think that no one would claim that the men of the tribe who experience being bitten by the bullet ants are doing it either for sexual reasons or to be submissive to a domme or interested sexually in a domme.

If you study the history and folklore of spanking and caning and whipping, there are multiple ideas in folklore and in the last 2000 years which indicate that some painful experiences are considered by some cultures to be therapeutic and good for the person receiving or experiencing them.

The Romans, the Europeans, the East Indians and visitors to Taoist temples once a year or so experienced a variety of whipping or caning or spanking in a variety of contexts and rituals.

I've recently had that thought and was a bit confused by it. Interesting that it is a common fantasy... I wonder why that is.




That's an excellent description, and in that sense I guess it can be a therapeutic experience, even if it's not what was intended. Although I agree with Asp, I view BDSM as sexual. But hey, maybe if it becomes recognized as therapy it'll be covered by your HMO.

Some of it is BS, for sure. Maybe most of it. But not all of it.

I am not particularly interested in being anyone's therapist or life coach and I do not conduct my sessions with an eye towards "healing." I like doing kinky things and that is what I'm here for. And yet I've had numerous clients tell me at length about how much I have helped them. I had one longterm slave who directly credited me for their coming to terms with and being open about their gender identity and sexual orientation. Others have told me that their urge to please me has lead to serious life improvements -- creativity, increased drive at work, exercise, treating the people in their lives better.

So I do think it can be therapeutic, but it isn't always and it doesn't have to be, and it doesn't make it not sex work if it is.

Good question. Off the top of my head I am going to guess that it has to do with the Punishment Vibe. I will point out that it is a cliche in spanking fiction which makes it seem easier to accomplish than is the case.

It's important not to use "therapeutic" and "therapy" synonymously.

You can be stressed, have sex, and feel better afterwards. That's therapeutic.

You can have a problem, such as a trauma that created lasting psychological effects, and see a person who consciously applies treatment modalities with the goal of transforming those effects. That's therapy.

So, yes, anything we do can be therapeutic, including kink. But that doesn't make it therapy.

Can it be therapy? I think it's possible. The problem is that one's healing process can easily be undermined by making it erotic (you're practically asking for transference, for one). It's why ethical regulations in the professional practice of psychology say you can't do the sexy with your patients.




Why roll your eyes, Asp? If you aren't interested in how people may use their sexuality as a means to heal then simply disregard them.



The truth is that it is valuable to people. It may not be to you, or others reading this, but using BDSM as a tool for healing has created tangible change for people.

And as far as trying to legitimize sex work: I personally like to somewhat normalize the erotic trade, reduce the fear and stigma around it, and find ways to help people relate to it. I believe this will help get certain activities decriminalized.

One way to do this is to get people to understand that what sex workers do isn't just tits and dicks and fucking and cum (or whips and chains and whatever else people think we do), but it includes companionship, intimacy, acceptance (sometimes radically so), and even forms of love. Sure, for some it is just getting off, but I bet that most people -- especially those who are more serious participants -- would say that it's helped them feel better in a multitude of ways.

What "sex workers" do should be decriminalized. I have made love to many of the women I have paid to see, and in many instances it didn't focus on "tits and dicks and fucking and cum (or whips and chains and whatever else people think we do)" as you so eloquently put it, Mistress Tissa.

There is an obvious need for sex workers of all types in society, thousands of years ago and today. It is part of the human condition.

I have paid for the privilege to meet and experience ladies who would be considered by the outside world escorts, massusses, BDSM dominas, escort/dominas, female bodybuilders... you name the classifications. I met plenty. More than my share. All of them, in their own ways, were physically gorgeous. I walked out on a few. I got a bad vibe. The overwhelming majority were nice people, many with a great deal of empathy. (Maybe because I always turned to more mature ladies, mostly over 30 years old and beyond, who had experienced the world.)

This is a very intimate line of work. A barber, hairdresser, nurse or doctor is pretty intimate, but BDSM? Escort or fetish work? That jumps the shark. If you do the experience correctly you are opening up your soul to the lady. And, if you put yourself in the mindset that you are there to pleasure Her, she may open up part of her soul to you.

We need wives, husbands, fathers, mothers, grandparents, etc., etc. but based on history we need sex workers. They provide a service that fulfills a need, dare I say a therapy, that makes the world function such as it is. To continue to have sex workers demeaned and put in the shadows is bad for them and bad for society as a whole. Just sayin'...

As usual when we converse, we are in agreement in general but it is splitting hairs and language where we disagree. I don't despute the psychological benefits that many experience through BDSM play. It is tangible and real.

My issue is with those who try to make D/s about therapy alone to justify, or elevate, what they do above those who do it for the purpose that most of us session for. I believe that is because they don't see value in D/s as a valid sexual orientation abd therefore need this kind of thing to validate what they offer.

That is where my problem (and eye rolling) comes from... Not as a questioning of the healingb power of BDSM play in certain situations.