How you feel after

So pulling from something Mistress Ayn spoke about in another thread, I have a question for both Dommes and subs.



I am fortunate that I work in a profession that I love, but some days leave me very emotionally drained, and not in a good way. After a taxing day I sometimes come home and need an emotional palette cleanser... like a funny show or an adult beverage depending on the day.

I'm curious for Dommes, do sessions drain you emotionally in an adverse way? Does it depend on the session? Obviously you probably wouldn't do what you do unless you had a passion for it. But, I think no matter how much someone may love their career/job, there are drawbacks to deal with.

After my two whole sessions so far, I have felt unbelievably relaxed and tranquil, Even perhaps a little spacey. I have read some about subspace and maybe that is what I am experiencing. I just know I am very calm and unbothered for a day or two after. As a submissive, how do you feel after a session and how long do those feelings last?

Good question. I hope others chime in.



I can only speak for myself, but I seldom feel drained in a bad way by a session. The only really bad sessions are the ones where I feel zero connection and those thankfully are far and few between and are usually under 2 hours because the person is new to me. I had a 3 hour double with another Mistress recently. The sub was unknown to both of us and it was horrible. Neither of us felt a connection with him. He was a total "dud" in that he gave no feedback no matter what we were doing. When he left we both looked at each other and said "I'm glad that's over" in unison. Even with that I didn't feel drained, just not energized. I could have done another session right after and been fine.

The most draining part of the "work" to me is behind the scenes. Dealing with the time wasters, crazies and also the personal issues/drama of some of our clients. At least that is my take on things.

What you are experiencing is sub-space. It's that kind of spacey, cozy calm. Tops can experience top space. I have experienced it as a similar type of spaciness, when the session is very sensual and I emotionally tap into that dreamy state of the sub. Or it can be highly energetic, like with a heavy corporal session.

My after session reaction is entirely dependent on the type of the session and the level of "chemistry" I had with the Domme during the session.

If the session is 3 hours of longer and is a physically demanding session, heavy bondage with corporal play, then I am typically just worn out physically. It's a great feeling, sort of how I feel after an intense workout in gym. If it's bondage with T&D play, some anal or medical play, then I am in that gooey emotional subspace that Mistress Ayn describes in her post on this thread.

On those rare occasions when the chemistry is non-existent, or negative, then it doesn't matter what activities happen in the session. It's just a disappointment for me and my reaction is one of regret and questioning myself as to why I enjoy BDSM.

Fortunately that feeling doesn't last long, I've just had too many great sessions with fantastic Dommes to think back on and that shakes me out of the doldrums pretty quick.

I usually feel beaten, sore, and mentally relived. It’s so intense even a simple canning or whipping I have to focus on the blows which sometimes feels like it’s taking forever or too soon. The funny part is sometimes when the session is over, I wonder why the hell am I even doing this yet it’s so fun, but so mental as well.

I touched on this here:

http://domina.ms/~domroot/thebuzz/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2555&page=1

What do you mean by he gave no feedback?

That's funny and I can relate as just yesterday I found myself thinking at a point or two, "how the hell did I wind up in this predicament". And then I remembered, Oh right, I asked for it.

Exactly I find myself asking how did I end up in this situation. Yet I would keep coming back again rise, rinse, repeat.

First I will say that it was a sissy session to give you some context. Those tend to be either very light hearted or heavy on the degradation or both.

This guy never said a thing unless specifically asked - sometimes asked twice. He didn't laugh. He didn't sigh. He didn't groan or change facial expressions. Nothing. It was like he was a zombie and that's no fun.

For me there has to be an energy loop. A give and take. I want to know that looking at yourself in the mirror, dressed up like a tart, excites you, embarrasses you, whatever. When I call you a whore, hang your head in shame, laugh, something. Get the point?

Because his reactions were nil, it was impossible to tell if he was so in his head that he couldn't respond or if he was just going through the motions to get it over with. That makes it impossible as a Domme to know where to go next. So near the end, the other Mistress and I were just going through the motions. It sucked.

Wow that sounds awful. Perhaps he really didn’t know what he wanted or he is just a stoic like person.

Woah, that's insane. I'm almost kind of jealous of that guy, to be able to be completely stoic for a three hour double domme session is incredible, imagine his poker face.

That makes sense though. Thank you for your posts, they're a good insight into the domme perspective of things, this is definitely stuff i'll be keeping in mind for the next time I have a session myself.

Thank you for explaining Mistress Ayn. It makes complete sense that a session without any kind of feedback would be less than fulfilling. I was so nervous that first session I don't remember if I said much of anything.



Thomas, that was a great post, thanks for sharing the link. I don't think I've experienced pre-session sub space. This time, however, I did have a few of the next day reminders which brought the session experience back to the forefront of my mind. For instance, today a co-worker slapped me on the back. Not hard, but hard enough since it was right where I have some marks. I felt a quick twinge but then I smiled and felt pretty happy. It's interesting how neurochemicals work and how we react to them differently.



After this last session I have a much better understanding and appreciation for this. It makes sense that the more sessions you have with a Domme that you are able to build a rapport. So this time there was more CP and it was more intense. As you stated, I wanted it to end but I also wanted it to continue. After the session I drove home and I really don't remember driving. I didn't completely zone out but I just sort of arrived home. I wish I could always feel as relaxed as I do after a session!

Kneel4her,

Glad you were able to relate to my analysis.

As for pre-session subspace most of my early sessions were essentially acting out porn. Visual BDSM porn in the 70's and 80's was awful but written stories of varying quality were readily available. In print the story can explore feelings in a way that is hard to do with a camera. Some of the better ones transported me into an erotic trance/bubble so when I was anticipating an imminent session I would often experience the same sort of trance.

you didn't have to say anything. you bit your lip, gasped, groaned, sighed and of course there was that telltale puddle on the floor. I will never let you forget that.