My Failure

One of the things I actually am proud of is how much in control of my ejaculations I am. I have written about having "a battle" with different Dommes during a session where their entire goal is to get me to fail and orgasm without permission (usually with the help of machines like the Venus 2000) and never having lost in those situations. I also have told the story of one of my absolute favorite experience where a Domme told an escort friend about this, who then told her that she knew she could get me to orgasm... so they made a bet over it and the escort had an hour with me with the exception of prostate massage (she started with a blowjob and then we proceeded to have sex in several different positions before she finally tried with a handjob to no avail).

At other times, I have been ordered to edge multiple times a day for weeks on end while watching videos and even with a Domme in the room without failing. Well, that is until yesterday... and I wish I could explain what happened but it was just the wrong combination of circumstances.

To start with I later figured out that it had been 18 days since my last orgasm. This wasn't some grand plan or some Locktober thing... it was just a series of circumstances. It started with not touching myself on the Tuesday before traveling to England to see Adreena Angela (who I consider to be my English Domme). We attended the FemDom Ball together on Saturday, then went to a fetish fashion event with Dominatrix Iris of LA where there were hot models wearing incredible latex at about half the booths (not to mention the incredibly beautiful Dommes I was window shopping with), and finally we sessioned on Monday which involved two full hours of the most incredible sensual domination. Unfortunately for me, Mistress Adreena decided that I shouldn't orgasm this time.

We went out to dinner afterwards and had a great time talking for hours so by the time I got back to the hotel I was exhausted, so I just fell asleep rather than masturbating to the entire experience (which probably would have taken all of 38 seconds). Unfortunately, I woke up in the middle of the night and got very sick in the bathroom and that cold/flu kind of feeling lasted through the morning when I had to check out (I chalk that up to the travel, weather and exhaustion of everything). Then for the next 30 hours it was trains, a plane, more trains, a bus, sleeping on the terrazzo floor of LaGuardia's baggage area, more planes and finally a drive home.

The problem was that my Chicago Domme had told me that she wanted me available to do things the following week and I told her that I would be available from Sunday until my flight the following Monday morning (otherwise known as right now). So, per usual, my "Sunday" became her Thursday as she ordered me to Chicago the morning after I finally had gotten back to Detroit (which if you can't follow this, was a full three days before I said I was available). At this point, it had been 8 or 9 days depending upon how you count it and of course once I am under her control, there is no touching and definitely no orgasm without permission.

So, I go to Chicago and spend a day and a half there... during which time she has me edge at least a half dozen times, including during the session we did... where she taunted me by giving herself an orgasm with her Hitachi while laying behind my naked and somewhat bound body as I had to edge but not finish (she was "kind" enough to slip it from her crotch to my balls as she whispered to me and then press it between us so it was against my ass as she came). Since I had to be home on Friday night by 7pm, she released me at the very last possible moment where I then spent an entire week at home under her control (which means no orgasm unless she gives me permission) before having to return to Chicago the following Saturday morning (the day of my failure).

So, I get back to Chicago and she has me run around and do some tasks for her then come to her place where a friend of hers is hanging out. My Domme of course decides to show off her power and humiliate me in various ways in front of her friend (who gets a big kick out it). Then we all go off to the vanilla event I was brought there for before picking up some drive-thru and then heading to a bar together.

I drop them off and then have to find a place to park (which is not always the easiest thing in Chicago), so they go in and find a two person booth. Once I come in, my Domme points at a table and tells me to sit there while they talk then texts me to go into the bathroom and edge for 5 minutes. I am not exactly thrilled with this but it isn't exactly the first time (or even the first Domme that I have edged in a restroom for... although I still don't know what it is about me that gives Dommes the idea for this) and the bar was pretty empty since it was only about 6pm.

So, I go off to the bathroom and I almost called red when I walked in. The bathroom was pretty small with just a sink, urinal and a toilet... and the toilet really didn't have a door per se, it really had two saloon style doors (so there was a gap in the middle rather than just at the door edge and wooden slats for "privacy" rather than being solid). The doors themselves didn't even have a lock and they were basically only about a foot from your knees when you sat down on the toilet.

But, these were her orders and the bathroom was empty when I walked in so I decided to see if I could make it work before begging off instead of jacking off. So, I drop my pants and sit on the toilet and pull out my phone to watch the time. Then I pull up a picture of my Domme on the screen as I pull my cock and balls up through my legs rather than pointing them down as you would when using the toilet. Luckily, I also was wearing a long sweatshirt that sat across my legs as I sat so even if someone could see they wouldn't see that my penis was up instead of down.

As I settled into the "stall" someone came in and started pissing into the urinal, which meant they were only about 3 feet from the doors and about 5 feet from me. But, they finished quickly and left as I situated myself and started stroking my pretty flacid penis. I was alone for about 30 seconds when someone else came in and stepped to the urinal. I slowly kept stroking in order to fulfill the orders of my Domme but was both scared of being caught and completely humiliated that I was actually doing this with another guy so close to me, just because she had told me to. That guy also finished his business quickly, washed his hands and then I was left alone in the bathroom with another 3 minutes or so to go.

Well, all of what my Domme had done to me earlier in front of her friend as well as what she was doing to me now as they sat and casually talked at their table just flooded into me as I stared at the picture on my phone. I knew I had good coverage from the sweatshirt and I could stop as soon as I heard someone come in so I started really stroking myself under the sweatshirt. My cock felt really hard but only about half the size as normal (which was really weird to me), so I reached down and pulled my balls up into my lap and sort of closed my legs underneath (and sort of around them) and started stroking much faster.

I really wanted to get to the edge for my Domme, since that is what she wanted me to do, so I started moving my hand really fast while surrounding the top of my penis and the head in my hand... so not really stroking, but more of a pumping action all around the top of my penis. Well, usually there is a build-up for me and I know when I am getting close so I can concentrate on not cumming or even to stop if I can't handle any more. Well, not this time... all of a sudden there was one (and only one, so it was sort of a ruined thing) spurt of white hot cum that came from my penis up into the inside of my sweatshirt and down the webbing between my thumb and forefinger.

I was completely shocked by it... then truly humiliated that it had happened... then crushed that I had so totally failed my Domme by doing that. Nothing more came out and I stopped my movement immediately but had no idea what to do. So, I took a deep breath knowing that I would have to tell my Domme about my failure (which I also know will absolutely tickle her to death and that she may tell her friend about either at the table or in front of me, just to make it all the worse). Knowing that when she does allow me to cum, I always end up consuming it in some way I decide to clean myself up in the stall by sucking it off my hand and eating as much of it as I can get from my sweatshirt and stomach with my hand.

Of course, as I am finishing that, another guy comes into the bathroom to use the urinal and I have to finish my clean up, act like I just finished using the toilet and flush it before washing my hands and heading back out to the bar. I go back to a table that is actually closer to my Domme and her friend and then text her what happened along with my apologies. However, I am also not allowed to look at the two of them because of my earlier orders so I don't get to see her reaction or if she showed the text to her friend (or told her about it).

However, I know her well enough from the dozen years we have played together to know she is delighted by my failure and humiliation over it. Instead of being angry and saying that I will be punished in her reply, she just texts back that we'll remedy this before our actual session later that night by ordering me to take some Cialis once we get back to her place. Then she orders me to wait another 5 minutes and to head back into the bathroom for a 10 minute round of edging (I am like, I just came... not much, but i did just cum... there is no way I can get hard again that fast).

Luckily for me, with about 20 seconds left before having to head back into the bathroom, her friend had to leave to go do something (we basically had gone to the bar just to wasted time until she had to leave, so this was expected) and my Domme ordered me to go grab the car because we were leaving and heading back to her place (where things got REALLY crazy... but that is a different story that has nothing to do with what happened at the bar).

I still don't know what caused my failure or why it came without warning (pun not intended... but, nicely done if I do say so myself). Was it the 18 days without an orgasm? Was it the total humiliation of doing that in such a public place? Was it just the position and the way I had to stroke to have some way of not being caught? *shrug* I just know it happened and I failed in a very humiliating way... but that it really pleased my Domme and it didn't impact what she had planned for later (or how I was actually able to perform during that) so it is all good.

At least, I am now under different orders (although just as humiliating) which allow me to cum multiple times in the next couple of days so I hope I can get it out of my system. Especially since I will be back under "no touching" in preparation for a visit to a different one of my Dommes on Friday night. Hopefully, I will be allowed to finish in that session and/or have some time before a 3rd Domme of mine puts me under her edging orders (as she usually does) in anticipation of her visit to Detroit the following week since I really don't wish to fail like this again.

Sometimes when you fail, you win.

Oh, asp. The messes you get yourself into . . .

In this case, literally...

But, the only thing I got myself into is giving a Domme I care about the ability to randomly order me to edge & torture myself for her pleasure when She had control over me... That seems like a perfect way to serve a highly inventive, intelligent and beautiful Domme (at least when she isn't sticking things up my butt so She can torture me with a 3am alarm from 732 miles away).

You would think that, but failing my Domme like that was actually much more soul crushing than pleasurable...

Although the pleasurable stuff came later on that night when she brought a different friend of hers over so the two of them could play with me for a couple of hours (somehow, I didn't fail then)... and now, when I am actually under orders to finish as many times as possible over a couple of day period.

Crazy. How do you handle it when you get conflicting orders from multiple Dommes?

Well, buffalo, it really never happens. I am very clear about who has control of me at any given time and that control is never shared unless that is part of the scenario. Every Domme I see has always respected that even if our relationship has moved into a little more personal than the standard Pro/client type.

When it was the Women of Atlanta Dungeon who jointly controlled me for more than two weeks... Specifically Mistress Ayn, Goddess Samantha and Mistress Ultra Violet... There were times when conflicting orders were given. In those cases, I would point that out to the Domme who gave the 2nd order and let Her decide which one I would follow. However, in "normal" cases, its basically up to whoever controls me at that moment.

I am always explicit in my communication about when a Domme may take control if She so desires as well as when I must be released to someone else. Once or twice a particular Domme has wanted to accomplish something outside of session (usually this involves being chaste for a period of time) and I may ask another Domme if she will respect that as a request (which they always have), but I treat that like all session requests and would do whatever the Domme who has control at that moment tells me to. Finally, there are activities on my limits list that are really there because they are reserved for a particular Domme rather than being an actual limit for me... And again, all of my Dommes respect limits. So, with all of that said, I honestly can't think of a real conflict between orders from two different Dommes.

Interesting. Thanks

I was wondering the same thing! Not to mention I would be so confused as to what I was supposed to be doing for whom, and when, and where. With that kind of schedule I'd have to keep notes! Asp, I have to ask, have you ever called a Domme bu the wrong name?

Not that I can recall (although it is possible when I see someone for the first time). Although, you will probably get a kick out of the story of how I tried not to say Ayn's name in our first session. We had been talking on this board for at least a year and in my head I had always pronounced it like it rhymed with "pain" rather than "mine" when reading or responding to her. I was scared shitless of saying it wrong in her presence once I figured out I was wrong, and I was right to think that because I actually did... but I also said it so low that she didn't catch it.

If you want to read a blast from the past that I wrote on the eve of that session then here is a link . My favorite part of that thread is Mistress Ayn's reaction when she found out I had screwed up her name in the session (as well as not seeing the pre-session post until afterwards).

As for the actual question you asked, each Domme is a unique person and special relationship to me. In many cases, how I act around them is completely different from the way I am with someone else. The most difficult part for me is knowing and remembering their preferences.. and yes, I actually do keep notes on that stuff (as well as clothing sizes).

Some Dommes are vegan and others are carnivores... Some absolutely love chocolate and others are always focused on their diets... some love certain types of champagne or have specific coffee/tea preferences... Some love/hate certain brands or stores. That is where the difficulty in keeping things straight exists... Not their names or what happens in a session context.

That is so funny you said that because I was mispronouncing her name in my head as well. I was thinking a funky spelling of "Ann". Then ( thank god!!) I stumbled upon her blog post about how to correctly pronounce her name. I was terrified of saying it wrong.The day I was going to see her for the first time i kept saying to myself Ayn, rhymes with mine, don't screw it up.

Great post btw. That was fun to read. Especially about how there should have been a question in there, but you were too nervous to care about anyone else's shit.

Actually, I was the same way with "Ann" at first, then I came across the blog post and somehow things got transposed in my head so I got it REALLY twisted. I actually didn't realize I had it wrong until we spoke on the phone as part of setting up that session... And, yes, I was doing the same thing for days beforehand, but I still screwed it up... TWICE!!!

You also have to realize that I flew to a city I had never been to (Baltimore) then drove to outside of DC (where I had only been to once back in 1991) and took a train to be somewhere in the neighborhood of her hotel before having to find it. I was just a big 'ole mess and She, of course, was freaking perfect.

My literal reaction when meeting Her for the first time was that She was the classiest Domme I had ever met and the epitome of what I always pictured a Domme to be when I was growing up (keeping in mind that I was already very experienced and had personally served multiple Dommes as people, rather than just Pro/client, for years.. so I had come to expect them to be more raucous and rocker-girl like than the epitome of class that Mistress Ayn is).

You are so lucky, and smart, to have chosen her for your first experiences... And I am just lucky that she even puts up with me.

Being competitive by nature, I can understand how it would be disappointing to fail. But given their sole intent was to make you orgasm and you didn't, that's impressive.



Multiple times a day for weeks on end?? I have had difficulty (so far) once a day just for a few days before a session. Being frustrated for that long and watching videos sounds like a recipe for disaster. Is edging for weeks on end something you built up to? No pun intended.

Not sure actually.,. It all started because of a coordinated thing between Mistress Ultra Violet and Mistress Ayn, who I came to Atlanta to see on consecutive days. I gave them control of me from the time the first session started to after the 2nd session ended, so Mistress UV locked me in a chastity device during our session and sent me home wearing it figuring Mistress Ayn would take it off at some point during our session.

Well, the problem is that one of my balls is extremely small and therefore I slip out of chastity devices in an agonizingly painful way. Usually this takes a couple of days, but unfortunately not this time. The drive back to my hotel that night was actually pretty dangerous because I was seeing stars as it came off that ball during the drive and it was another excruciating 6-8 hours of trying to sleep without moving as my full size ball slowly worked its way through the small opening between the ring and the cage itself (which then fell off).

So, in the morning I contacted both of them and told them what happened and that I was out of the cage. So, Mistress Ayn ordered me to go to her website and edge to her videos on an hourly basis until I was to visit later in the day, which I did and I believe I posted about it on Twitter (which she really liked).

So, before the next time we got together, Mistress Ayn had me do it on a daily basis and again I recounted everything on Twitter... Then she extended it to be twice a day until I was to see Mistress UV and Goddess Samantha at DomCon NOLA some 10-12 days later (sometimes including forcing me to wear a hush plug that either she or Goddess Samantha tortured me with while forcing me to edge or randomly ordering me to do things through Twitter so everyone could keep up with what was happening) ... Then they all extended it into the next week until I was forced to beg and convince each of them individually to allow me to release.

So, yea, I guess there was some ramp up to it but it was a very organic thing rather than training. Mistress Ayn has made this kind of torture sonewhat of a ritual before/after our visits, so I am kind of expecting to be starting it again really soon as she is heading to Detroit next week.

Gonna be even worse because I haven't orgasmed since Wednesday and am currently under others not to cum before Friday (so her start may be before I actually am allowed to cum again), plus I am off to Vegas to see my Vegas Domme for a week after Mistress Ayn leaves town so there is a distinct possibility that it could be 3 1/2 to 4 weeks of unlocked chastity for me with heavy edging in the middle of all of that.

Geez.. I really wish I cheated on stuff like this....