When to move on

My question for the subs on the board is when do you decide to move on from sessioning with a particular Pto Domme?

I know in a longer-term, and more personal, relationship it is always about the emotions of the situation. But, that is not what I am asking about. I am talking about a true Pro/client situation where it is about you paying for her skills in filling a want/need of yours.

For me, the decision always comes down to one of the following: 1) Lack of chemistry (this is usually a post 1st session decision); 2) Sessions getting stale with each time seeming to be a repeat (this hives me a feeling of "been there... Done that"); 3) Crossing of some limit or having some type of falling out 4) Money... Either her raising her rates above what I am willing to pay or her becoming more findommy in relation to me outside of session.

The other explanation that I have heard, but that doesn't apply to me, is having a personal rule that you will only see a particular Pro a certain amount of times (usually this only occurs if you live somewhere with tons of choice and is about keeping emotional distance).

I move on from sessioning with a particular domme when I have the feeling that there is no room for improvement because of her lack of communication/listening.

Most of my 1st sessions with each domme are "average" or only "quite good", which is understandable because she doesn't know me and my expectations very well yet, just as I don't know her and her potential.
And then, if all went well, we learn to know each other little by little and each session is better than the last one, until it becomes “excellent” or "perfect".
To take a concrete example : I may ask a dominatrix to wear black leggings and red corset for our first session (because I saw a pic in which she is dressed like that and loved it) and underline in my session request that my favorite activity is, let's say, CBT. However, when the day comes, the session is only "average" because her clothes weren't as sexy as on the picture and because she's finally not very good at torturing balls.
But I may remember that she first welcomed me on her doorstep dressed up with a pink running short and a white tank-top that I have found extremely sexy, and that she incidentally tickled me very efficiently with her nimble fingers during a little part of the session, which was absolutely fantastic! So I may compliment her on her tickling skills immediately after the session (Surprisingly it was only a secondary activity for me before I met her) and, a few weeks/months later, contact her for a 2nd session, asking her politely if she accepts to wear this sport outfit on which I fantasize during the session and sending her a session request where tickling is clearly brought to the fore.
And then, she may follow these new expectations: tie me spread-eagled on a bed, sit on me with her pink short pressed down on my stomach, and sadistically tickle my ribs for several long minutes with great enjoyment, giving me the best session I ever had!
All this fairy tale with happy ending to say that cooperation and listening can turn a first "average session" into a "perfect session". Sometimes it needs several sessions and exchanges to achieve this result.

But sometimes, some of them doesn't seem to read my pre-session and post-session emails nor to listen my (always very tactfully and diplomatic) constructive verbal remarks and requests, and the 2nd then the 3rd session are as "average" as the 1st one or even worst, even though I tried to guide her. In that case, I realize that there is no hope for improvement and I prefer to move on. I don't know if it shows a lack of motivation or a lack of chemistry (anyway it looks like a mix between your 1) and your 2)), but I think it's useless to insist in this situation. Too bad for the wasted potential.

Carter... Thanks for the response. I come at things from a much different perspective than you, but I definitely agree that if a Domme ignores specific communication about things from me it is a bad sign.

I think that this is very related to the opposite question, when you decide to move in. If you see a mistress once does it count? I would say that the general answer is that when the reason you decided to move in does not hold any longer.

My two cents for you, if you like to see many mistresses why move on at all? What does it mean anyway, since you are seeing any particular mistress only occasionally? Your mood or practical circumstances might change, so you could just see any particular mistress more or less often. You don't need to make definitive decisions.

Komodo,

Well... For me (and my f'd up world view), I actually am very loyal to my Dommes even if it appears that I am completely independent. The key is that I don't see anyone who lives local to me and that is what makes me so different in my patterns. So, whether I see someone is dependent upon when they come to Detroit or when/where I visit.

My choice to see someone, or not, when they visit is an active one as I do so on every visit they make since it is never more than every couple of months. Therefore the decision to move on, or not, is an active one that I make each time I see they are coming.

For other cities, I choose a Domme to be my Domme in that city (which is why you may hear me say "my Vegas Domme” or "my New York Domme” for example) and that is who I always see during my visits. In some cases, it is the sole purpose of that visit. So, again, moving on is an active choice to change Dommes (or actually to stop seeing that particular Domme and therefore find someone else) or to not even visit a particular city anymore.

It may not seem like it, but I do see the same Dommes over and over again (which is also how/why I get such amazing opportunities for service) and have active relationships that have lasted for over a decade... They just aren't dedicated in the way that you normally see.

I hope that answers your question about how my no longer seeing a Domme constitutes "moving on".

Yep, that's what did it for me, last time. I had enough of this sort of stuff shoved down my throat in vanilla relationships to really sour it for me. Even a hint of findommery, which I look at as demands for money for "existing" essentially, makes me bolt.

Thanks Po ... For me, findommery comes down to whether I feel she has more interest in me as a wallet than as a person (beyond the specific "pay for service" arrangement of a session itself).

Just about every domina's website that I visit has a "wishlist" page. I have no problem with that. I don't even have problem with dominas who mention generous subs who bought them this or that article of fetish wear or equipment. What I do have a problem with is constant appeals on their twitter pages to the tune of, "Who wants to pay for my trip to Cancun?" Total turn-off.

I totally agree, but it gets even worse when they post for some sub to reimburse their $7 lunch.