Leap Between 1st and 2nd Session

I’ve often read that for professional athletes the largest improvement occurs between an athletes rookie year and second year. I think this is also true of Domme/sub session experience. I think first sessions are always going to be a bit of a feeling out process between the Domme and sub. I think Dommes want to get a feeling for where a sub is at pain threshold wise and what he can take in other areas and figure out what he’s really looking for. I think it’s in subsequent sessions where chemistry can really build and things can be pushed further. I think after a good first session where a sub returns for a second session the Domme can be a lot more confident in where she is going with the sub and the sub can relax more now that he knows the Domme.

I think about this because I recently had a great first session with an experienced Mistress and am very much looking forward to seeing her again. I gave her a lot of information about my kink headspace via email before the session and she read me very well and went fairly hard which is what I wanted. In addition she was able to get inside my submissive head and manipulate me which was great It was one of the best first sessions I’ve ever had and I am confident she will ratchet up the intensity a lot more for our second session. I’ve got a good excited feeling about it. I know she also enjoyed our session and felt our session was successful as well.

I was wondering what others think about this? I feel there is a lot of potential for growth in the second session, especially after a good first session.

Good for you Buffalo and I hope that it gets even better in the 2nd session.

I had to think about this and although what you said feels right... I actually don't think it is my experience. For some reason that really doesn't make sense to me, my first session with a new Domme I really connect with always seems to be better than the next few. It's almost like, if it's too good the Domme is almost trying to recapture the feeling of the 1st rather than just playing and exploring like she originally did.

For me, the most growth comes whenever she really trusts me as a sub and she allows herself to really be who she is as a Domme rather than trying to play to my needs (which in a f'd up way, is actually playing to my needs). It is magical when it happens in a first session, which it sometimes does somewhere in the middle. But, my experience is that it can also happen in a 2nd, 3rd or even 4th session (and sometimes not at all).

I definitely see what you are saying. Every Domme/sub relationship is going to be different. I certainly didn’t mean to imply that growth stops after the second session. Ideally things are always improving as Domme and sub get to know each other better and better.

Interesting premise. I tend to agree with Asp, that sometimes when a first session is over the top great, it's hard to recreate or top it and the second session can be a flop. I think it's not only because the Domme is trying to recapture the energy from the first session but also because the sub has fantasised about the previous session and the build up is often not commensurate to the reality.

So . . . when I have one of those awesome sessions and the sub wants to return right away for a follow up, I tend to go in a completely different direction from the first session - putting the sub off guard and popping that fantasy in hopes of creating another great memory. The only exception to that is if I "know" that I can take up where I left off in the last session and continue the scene and take it to another level, if that makes sense. Roleplays work like that sometimes. By doing one of the above I would say I have at least a 75% chance of making the session even better. The last thing I want to do is try to recreate it, say the same things, or do the same things.

If I were to divide things up into phases:

1. Very first session: The heart-pounding initial session with a new domme, has its own unmatched excitement... tempered by the fact that you need to earn each others' trust, see if there's really chemistry, explore how to take the written description of turn-ons and limits into something fun.

2. Roughly Second through fourth session: For me, this is absolutely magical. She's still got that new domme smell, but we've gotten past first meeting jitters, earned some trust, established some chemistry, got a feel for how each other reacts, etc. I typically am conservative about first-meeting activities, but really ratchet things up in this phase. The "new domme" plus flood of new activities = really magical phase

3. Everything beyond that: We establish deeper trust, compatibility, test limits, etc. It's fantastic, and my goal is always to get into the phase, as I tend to prefer a single domme I'm devoted to, rather than variety. It's awesome, I love it... but again, phase 2 is pretty magical

Thanks. Interesting. I’ll give an update on how the second session goes. One thing about me is I have a wide range of interests and am open to just about anything. She is very experienced so I’m confident the session will be good no matter which direction she goes.

I pretty much agree with everything you said here except maybe that I am not conservative about first session activities but tend to think most Dommes are.

Buffalo,

Not to suck up to Mistress Ayn, although it probably would be a good idea on my part, but I do have to honestly say that O/our first session was amazing and each subsequent one was completely different but just as good. Not surprisingly, this is probably based on the depth of her session planning and the approach she outlined in her post.

Now, to the original premise, I would say part of that amazing 1st session was a very long flirtation and discussions on this very board in regards to all kinds of things related to D/s rather than just going off of a pre-session fetish list. This gave us a comfort level with each other going into that 1st session that probably doesn't normally occur until after multiple sessions, so O/our experience with each other is probably a bad example. However, I think both of our answers were based on our general experiences rather than the unusual (and freakin awesone) situation with each other.