Your Partner or, Slave Playing with Others

I'm curious as to what people's views are when it comes to "Monogamy" in femdom. With my personal slaves (I've only had a few) it would have been out of the question unless the lady and, I were on the same page. Then, I would have been happy to loan him out and, wanted him to both have fun and, being of service. But, in the two cases where I was in a bdsm relationship (Non sexual) with a personal slave, that was a precious and, close friendship and, well as an unspoken contract of loyalty. Of the two personal slaves in my life, we ended up going different directions in life but, stay in touch, to this day.

With clients...no one really owns a client. I've never been unhappy with my clients seeing other doms. In fact, sometimes, especially when they are traveling, they've asked me for referrals and, references. There was one exception to this. One of my clients (Who is one of my best friends, to this day) and, I had a 2 hour session every week, most months we had a weekend session and, were on the phone all of the time together. It was somewhere between a client and, personal slave relationship. So, he was only allowed to play with another dom if I approved and, I sent a sealed letter for him to take to her.

My late husband and, I were monogamous in the traditional sense of the word. We certainly wouldn't have been having outright sex with anyone else. We played some times but, we had a very vanilla home and, family life that we were happy with. So, I had no problems with him going to Michelle Lacy's events and, having private sessions with ladies who I knew and, trusted. I found myself getting a little jealous about him going on one of Michelle's weekends. He sensed it and, said he wouldn't go. Then, I was left wondering what would worse to deal with...guilt of him missing out on something he looks forward a couple of times a year or, getting past him missing a family event to play with other women. I ended up insisting that he go and, felt good about that decision. I've known other couples with similar views. One of my good friends is a sub who is married to another sub. They have a traditional home life but, give each other freedom to play with Doms.

What are your thoughts and, experiences with this? Have your slaves, Doms, clients, partners, ect. felt the same?

Never had a relationship with a pro Domme outside the session so wouldn’t know. I did have relationship with a lifestyle Domme that was sexual so no we did not branch out to play with others.

It’s cool of you to let your former husband play with others that you trust. I gotta ask you Cheyenne, you never worry that one thing could lead to another or if he was secretly happier playing with yours friends.

I gotta ask you Cheyenne, you never worry that one thing could lead to another or if he was secretly happier playing with yours friends.

That is a fair question. I've seen friends who are swingers have those issues. But, we were completely monogamous when it came to sex and, had a family together. Playtime though, it was totally fine for him to have a blast with my friends. Although we played sometimes, it wasn't the same edgy play that a person would have when they weren't talking about who was picking the kids up from school or, what was for dinner. That may be odd but, for us, it was the best of both worlds. I liked he would have "Dom crushes" on my friends. It isn't as if he wanted to hold their hand and, walk through the park. He saw them in a different light...if that makes any sense. He was particularly nice that he could enjoy a married life and, not have guilt about getting his freak on now and, then.

Sounds like you both a great set up.

I enjoy other women playing with my personal subs, but when I'm involved too. Even if it's just me watching it's fine (though I get terribly riled up and can't stay on the sidelines for too long hahaha)

During play with others he should be pleasing/obeying the other party as a service to ME and because that's what I want, above all.

Yes! I felt that way too.

It was great for us. A testimony to compartmentalizing, which my husband did comfortably. One week, he'd show up at Michelle Lacy's studio. she would answer the door in a latex nun outfit (To his surprise) and, make him confess all of his sins. The next week, she and, her partner would come over for a very vanilla family dinner. Perhaps, I am hijacking my own thread here but, that part of it seemed to come down to feeling comfortable in your own skin.

I am completely poly when it comes to all of my relationships with females as my own world view equates all "romantic" style relationships with those I have with my best friends (where the idea of monogamy comes across as either possessive or just plain silly).


A lot of the activities I talk about on here are because I do have relationships with many Pros that straddle the line between Pro and personal. But, I have no jealousy towards what they do with others and for the most part they are the same with me.

Very interesting topic. I think the general answer is go with your feelings. There have been two situations in my life when I met a partner who I was seeing to be head and shoulders above the rest, at least for me.

I never made exclusivity promises, but the truth of the matter, is that at least for me, time and money are both issues, so you need to prioritize. If I could spend more time on this I still think that the best way to do it would be with my mistress.

Of course this is a personal issue, and part of the answer is what is more important to you, activities or feelings.

I think that both our answers are more interesting together, like two sides of a coin.

I think it depends on the situation. I travel. Sometimes I see a Domme and not again for 3 months because I am not back in that city. You are probably talking about local people who you see often.
I could see this happening to me as typically Dommes have liked me. I am easy to get along with and can make people laugh. Multiple Dommes and I have gone out for drinks and it wasn’t like we sat there drinking wine and talking about the world. We really went out for drinks like friends.
One Domme said to me after a few sessions and out for drinks that she wished I wasn’t married and lived where she did. It caught me off guard but I also took it as she liked me overall. Loved it but also bummed me that she felt that way and it wasn’t going to happen.
I go to a Domme for an escape. I guess my bottom line is I want variety in this field.

I've never been in a lifestyle relationship, but i'd likely be loyal to only that domme in a relationship like that, but that's the only way I can see ever being exclusive.
I have way too many interests and kinks for one pro to ever be able to cater to all of them so I wouldn't ever be able to stick to just one.

I’m a client. This is a difficult question for me and my answer is probably going to be all over the place. Right now the biggest factor is I have very limited opportunities to play. I have evolved as a client and sub. I have learned through experience that for me the best bdsm definitely comes with staying loyal to one Domme as the better she knows me the harder she can push. Chemistry is so important and repeated sessions with the same person are what develops chemistry and a real relationship. On the other hand there are so many Dommes I like and would love to see if I had the freedom to do it that it would admittedly be hard to remain 100% loyal.

Right now I just saw someone locally and we had a great first session. As much as there are others here I’d like to see I intend to limit myself to her as far as seeing Dommes near me. However if I am lucky enough to travel to certain locations there are others out there who I could not resist sessioning with if I am able to. Plus there is an escort who does domination I have seen a couple times who I want to see again. Mix all this in with limited freedom and funds and it’s complicated.

I go to a Domme for an escape. I guess my bottom line is I want variety in this field.

Yes, I completely understand that. A lot of my clients, even local ones are simply looking for a fun escape. A few of my dom friends over the years would take it personally if a client would bounce around and, see different ladies. I never did. Some times, with local clients, it would come to who was available on short notice. In the early days, when nearly everything was booked over the phone, I probably increased my sessions by 50%, due to answering the phone a few hours earlier than everyone else in my area.

I have way too many interests and kinks for one pro to ever be able to cater to all of them so I wouldn't ever be able to stick to just one.

You sound like a fun guy!

What you describe is representative of a lot of the local clients I saw. About half bounced around locally, the other have stayed with one dom, unless they were traveling. New England was a great place for session enthusiasts. It is so easy travel from one big city, like NYC to Boston, Providence, ect.

On a side note, I was looking at members here and I noticed that one of them is your previous husband, whom you mention here. It looks like he joined this site years before you or I did.

That doesn't surprise me. He was on all of the forums and, discussion groups. Quite the little on line slut. lol. There was a time when I was out of town and, my mother was staying with us. She, innocently, said to me on the phone, "Jack is sure working hard on his taxes. He's in the office all day, ever day with the door locked." That is when I sent him to Michelle Lacy for a confession session.

I do agree with your point about prioritizing some Dommes (or in your case a single one) over others when resources such as time or money are an issue. I just generally don't try to compare or rank women I have relationships with as each are unique and special in their own way. But, sometimes conflicts do arise when I do have to choose who to spend time with, I just don't base that decision based on being dedicated to a specific Domme every time.

I think we are all rational here, probably because this is something important to us. While the actions vary it is because of the wide range of personal circumstances and preferences.

Rational? I've been called a lot of things, but that is one people rarely attribute to me

You do what you like. What can be more rational than that?😂

The irony of you saying that to me as I lay in bed wearing a bra abd panties while not being allowed to touch myself for this entire week even though the Domme who is controlling me is 5 hours away and wouldn't know whether I was cheating on her instructions or not, is not lost on me (and, no, I don't like crossdressing or being chaste)...