When is it time for a sub to retire?

On a Saturday afternoon during the 1970s in one of Times Square's old burlesque theaters I was there to try and meet and convince a stripper from my old Brooklyn neighborhood to appear at my best friend's bachelor party to be held a few weeks later. I didn't succeed but I still remember seeing this old grandfather type, at ringside with a few young guys who could be his grandsons. He was there, in a suit, tie and white shirt, putting cash in the featured stripper's G-string and getting smothered by her breasts. I remember saying to myself, "I hope I don't act like THAT at his age!"

Yet, here I am, in my mid-60s, still online commenting on BDSM and sharing my experiences... and still doing sessions. "We mock the thing we are to be," as the 2000 Year Old Man once said.

Which brings up the question, "When is it time for a sub to retire?" Ms. Rose Woods asked the same about dominas here the other day, but what about us?

The easy answer for many subs would be the following, and not in order: budget; health; guilt; being outed; or a fundamental change in lifestyle (getting turned off by the scene, finding someone to do this in a lifestyle setting, etc.).

Being a sentimental fool a few years ago, when I turned 60, I tried to session with ladies I knew years before, or always wanted to serve. Over a year I served five ladies, two I knew in the '90s. With one of the '90s dominas, who was/is under-the-radar and semi-retired, the sparks clicked. We became uncontrollable. She's 20 years younger than me and continues to be imaginative, considerate and absolutely gorgeous. We did things I never did with her (or once or twice with others) and the volume of sessions and intensity were and are amazing.

In the past year and a half the sessions have been a lot fewer, lots of texts, but I've seen her a lot less since she is focusing on a vanilla career. I still have a budget for her reasonable tributes. A major session is scheduled soon, longer than normal. My roleplay is my screen name - I have to look the part for any believability.

My health is fine, muscle tone good and I keep in shape, but on some mornings after I do my exercises my joints are still stiff. I look at myself in the mirror this line said by Bogart in "Casablanca" comes to mind, and in a way, applies. "She did her best to convince me that she was still in love with me, but that was all over long ago. For your sake, she pretended it wasn't, and I let her pretend."

That's where I am now. The Mistress may or may not be pretending. And she makes me feel more desirable (dare I say sexy?) than I ever should feel. But I can see the old guy in the mirror. I've had more adventures, taken more chances and met more beautiful women than I ever thought possible. The memories are endless. Yet I think after this big session I will gracefully end my session life.

What do you think about all this? And, when do you think you might, if ever, end your session career?

The answer is simple. When it is no longer fun.

What's wrong with grandpa putting money in a strippers g-string?

Life is full of surprises, and appearances can be deceptive. For instance somebody looking at your name here could think that you really are a newbie.

So don't judge a book by its cover. Seriously speaking it is about how you feel. A few weeks ago I would have told you I am about to retire. I am in the process of changing my mind.

Just as with ladies in the FemDom scene, it is different for everyone. Sometimes, it isn't "retiring." It is a hiatus. I've seen my clients/friends fade in and, out when they get girlfriends, married, ect. Some times, they've just overdone it and, need a breather.

My late husband loved the scene. It didn't consume his life. He was quite traditional 80% of the time. But, that 20% of the time, it was on in a big way. He went through a period of time in his mid 60's where he just couldn't take the corporal he once wanted. I'll never forget, Jean Bardot and, I had him strung upside down by his ankles for a single tail whipping...and, he just wasn't his usual self. Jean and, I gave each other a look, as if to say, "We need to bring him down without embarrassing him." He flat out wasn't up for it. Skip to a year later, after hiatus and, he was back at everything, even to the point that I couldn't keep up.

He left the world when he was 74. Up until that unexpected time, he was at the gym every day. He was at every weekend event Michelle Lacy hosted and, going to Fetish Factory parties. Maybe it was the contrast between his scene life, which was quite extreme and, his home life that was Leave it Beaver traditional, that gave him the balance of playing and, retiring at the same time.

But, no one should be ashamed of their age or, feel they are too old. It is what you feel like doing at the moment.

A simple and elegant statement... and quite true.

As for the grandpa, there’s nothing wrong with that at all. That was my 20-something self talking.

Being of that age now, and speaking for a few I have known forever who have always been pretty good guys in their lives, today I see them marvel at truly beautiful women and are respectful at the same time.

A simple and elegant statement... and quite true.

As for the grandpa, there’s nothing wrong with that at all. That was my 20-something self talking.


It's not fun to have grandpa die like a dog on your Dungeon floor from a gut busting heart attack.



The police seriously frown on death by Domme.

But what a way to go

Over my time I have seen more than a few "Great Grandpa"s who could take a whipping more than any of these young pups could even imagine.

I think one's kink is likely to evolve with age and perhaps one loses interest as one's sexuality changes. I have no problem seeing older gentlemen as long as they are of sound mind. My bondage furniture is surprisingly comfortable.

I did have a client I saw a few times, many years ago, who had a massive stroke--not with me, but something that left him unable to make reasonable life choices. I felt that was highly inappropriate for me to see him again. He asked many times, but it just did not seem consensual to me.

Like they always say at least he died what he loved doing.

That’s how I feel. Age is just a number. I’m 42 and been retired a few years now.

I've read this whole thread and I'm curious, for anyone who wants to reply, what comes after retirement? Does SM still exist in a fantasy realm, or does retirement coincide with an overall diminishing of interest? Or is it that the particular sort of SM practiced in a transactional relationship with a pro domme hold little appeal at some point? Is it replaced by anything? More of a vanilla relationship? A lifestyle one? Or just the memories?

Obviously I'm curious about all of this. Over the last several years I've barely sessioned due to a variety of reasons, I think. I've been thinking I should try to session again even as the driving compulsion just really isn't there anymore.

I think if I ever really stop for good, it won't be in the form of a declared retirement but more like, "hey, I haven't sessioned in several years, I guess I don't do this anymore."

Good question I’m still a sub at heart still watch and buy clips. I mainly retired from live sessions most because the Dommes I saw left the scenes. I still think about getting back into it again if I can find the right Domme not too far away.

Hello junglebeast,

I see a number of clients that are well into their 70's and some of them can take a heck of a lot more than their younger counterparts. Age is just a number. I never turn someone down based on age but I have told subs that I was no longer comfortable seeing them (for dungeon play) due to health issues. That is a different issue.

Don't be too concerned with what you see in the mirror. For a Domme that loves what she does, that doesn't matter. I can always find things attractive about most everyone that submits to me. I am sure most dedicated Dommes feel the same way. Keep on rocking it as long as you enjoy yourself.

It's been my experience that subs are very much like Dommes. You can safely add five to ten years to the age of mature subs.

I don't do sessions with men that have one foot in the grave and the other in a puddle of lube.

I'm afraid one look at me in latex, leather, or lingerie will necessitate a visit from the grim reaper.

Obviously, it comes down to who a person is comfortable playing with. I just do not believe you can judge someone's health by their age. You are probably too young to remember this...but, boy, was it a long, national news making scandal at the time. A 53 year old man had a heart attack in session. What does the dom do? She doesn't call 911. Instead her and, her boyfriend freak out, dismember his body and, distribute his remains in various places. He was 53 years old. The thought of a client keeling over, from natural causes, is frightening and, can happen to any dom. So, we've got to be willing to accept the consequences and, have no hesitation to take the responsible, ethical route, which 99.9% of doms are.

My late husband died of a tragic boating accident. He was 74. He was in such great health, visiting the gym every day. Perfect blood pressure. Only occasional medication for arthritis. If it hadn't of been for a fluke accident, he would have outlived me. (24 years younger) Even when I see my childhood friends on Facebook...wow. Some look as if they are still college students. Others look like their grandparents. Seriously. I thought one of my friends, who did beauty pageants with me as a teenager was literally using a photo of her grandmother for her profile page. She had a heart attack in her early 50's. One of my other best childhood friends runs marathons every year. You just can't judge by age. It is the care someone takes of themself and, the genes they were born with.

This being said, this is a very personal business. I fully support every dom's decision to session only with people who they feel connected and, comfortable with.

at 42 you still need it
looking back on some of your earlier post you got to be at least middle 60s

there is no doubt one look at your picture would bring any guy alive out of retirement

I'd like to think I will never stop doing sessions entirely.

The only definitive reason I think that someone should stop doing sessions is if they do not enjoy them anymore.
Realistically you can't do every type of domination play forever, I imagine at some point you can't take as much corporal punishment anymore compared to when you were younger, but there's always kinks and interests to explore that won't be dangerous to your health.

So long as I'm still in love with femdom play i'll continue to session in some way. You can't stop my one-hundred year old future self from being an obedient boot licker!

When it is no longer satisfying or when you no longer have the physical ability to session. One of my dearest subs started sessioning in his early 70's and did one session a week with me for close to ten years. His physical health took a turn for the worse, and he had to stop maintaining that schedule. Towards the end of his sessioning days, we went down to once or so a month, and then when he was unable to drive himself or really walk well, I started visiting him in his retirement home every couple of months. By that time, our sessions were extremely light and playful, and he still got such joy out of the smallest kinky acts (just pinching his nipples, slapping his butt, or giving him a GS). I was glad to be able to help him experienc a little bit more joy at the end of his life.

That.. is just awesome.

Too many stories are about the Pro part of this and not about the fact that Pro Dommes do care about the clients they connect with as people beyond the service arrangements themselves.

I am 62 and after a brief hiatus in 2014, I now find myself sessioning more than ever. My tastes in Dommes has changed but my basic fetishes are the same only intensified.
As I’ve aged my willingness to experience new things at the hand or feet of my Domme is exhilarating

No surprise that i adore Mistress Ayn's philosophy but that is how She operates in a BDSM setting. A solid Mistress-slave relationship is based on trust and keen insight to what works for each. If a sub can continue to surrender to his Mistress and the Mistress understands what brings pleasure to Her slave (ans Herself, of course) - go for it. i hope to for as many years as i can.